Waking Ned Page #3

what you would be

spending your money on...

if you had any, that is?

Well, I'd take

what I needed, Pat...

and treat me friends

with the rest.

At least

When I asked them

That's what I was told

So I took a hand

In this diggin' for gold

But for all I

have found there

I might as well be

Where the Mountains

of Mourne

Sweep down to

The sea

Oh, jeepers...

the chickens and the

whiskey were wasted.

What are you starin' at?

Oh, I wasn't

staring at anything.

Come on, out with it.

I know who it is.

I've worked it out.

- No.

- Oh, yeah.

Go on.

- It's you.

- Me?

I think it's you, and I think

you're having us all on.

Michael, go home.

I'll leave you in peace

to count your winnings.

Here.

Wait, wait a minute.

What if it's you?

You never said it wasn't.

Get home.

You're drunk.

Get to your bed.

Get yourself a hot chocolate.

Get home, ya hoodlum!

Stupid idiot.

I've a chicken leg left over.

Oh, well, I'm full, Annie.

Put it in the fridge for

dinner tomorrow, huh?

Jackie, I counted

those joints precisely.

If there's a leg left over,

it means someone was missing.

The winner smelt a rat.

Where's me list?

Ned Devine.

Ned Devine was missing.

God, Annie,

did you not notice?

Make up a dinner, sweetheart.

I'm going over.

Ned!

I've brought you

a chicken dinner!

Ned.

I've brought you

a chicken supper.

Huh.

Ned?

Ned, are you in there?

Ned.

Ned?

You in there, Ned?

Dear God.

You'll be cursin' in heaven

tonight, Ned Devine.

They match.

It's a winner.

It'll be at least

half a million.

He'd have spent it, too.

There would have

been a mighty party.

Is there a greater

twist of fate, Annie...

to win half a million

and the next minute...

die from the shock of it?

God rest him, the poor fella.

Ned... the sweetest

man in the world.

They say money

changes a man, Jackie.

There's no greater change than

movin' from life into death.

It's the cruelest twist.

Half a million pounds.

Should we be phonin'

police or the doctor?

It's a call to both...

but there's nothin'

to do tonight.

His bedroom's as cold as

any fridge they'd put him in.

Make the calls in the mornin'.

I think we should make room

in this day for some prayers.

God bless mothers and fathers

and grandparents, too...

aunties and uncles,

friends old and new.

Amen.

And, dear Lord,

we pray tonight...

for a little man

from Tullymore...

Ned Devine...

as sweet a soul

as ever was blessed.

A gentleman

who loved his life...

and carried a heart the size

of his head within his chest.

- Amen.

- Amen.

It's delicious.

There would have been

a mighty party, Jackie.

Yeah.

There would, indeed.

Would you, would you

like some chicken?

No, thanks, Ned.

Are you sure?

Are you angry?

Not at all.

Are you sure you wouldn't

like some chicken?

It's delicious.

No, thanks, Ned.

I'm full.

Where are we going, Ned?

Into the light.

It seems far off.

Aye.

But don't worry, man.

The tide will bring

us there safely.

It's a premonition,

Michael! A vision!

It's a chicken dinner, Jackie.

It's obvious, Michael.

He wants us to claim the money.

Share the chicken dinner,

share the winnings.

What a great man he was.

Yeah,

and his spirit's in me head.

What'll you do

with the ticket?

Well, he wrote his name

on the back, Michael.

But we pretend to be Ned

and claim the half million.

Oh, I'm not sure, Jackie.

I couldn't be Ned.

I'm no good at pretending.

I'll be Ned meself.

Michael, Ned's no family.

The money'll go unclaimed.

He plays the lotto

all his life...

and dies from the

shock of winning it.

Can you imagine the anger

of his spirit, man?

Does Annie know we're

going back up tonight?

No, no.

She's left cuddling me pillow.

Do we report the death

in the morning?

Michael, are you thick?

If we report the death and

are found to be claiming...

we'll surely be

questioned for murder.

Murder is a mighty word

to use at this time of night.

I'm sorry if it gives

you the willies, Michael.

Watch the step.

Where is he, Jackie?

Through there.

Take a look.

Jesus, there's a stink in here.

Ah,

nature's taking ahold, Michael.

He's been gone

a few days now.

Jackie... he's smiling.

That'll be the winning smile.

With a little luck, we'll have

one ourselves in a week.

And I always thought it would

be the sea that would take him.

He survived all

those storms...

only to be swept away

by a few lottery balls.

Jackie, come quick.

Oh, sweet Jesus,

the man's beginnin' to melt.

Oh, dear God, you've

slipped on his intestines.

Ah, will you get up?

Ah, for God's sake, Jackie.

Jackie, for the love of God,

will you stop it?

Oh, be calm, Michael.

It's only a chicken dinner.

A chicken dinner?

God, I thought

it was his intestines.

I've never smelt intestines

on me jacket before...

but it surely can't be as bad

as Annie's Brussels sprouts.

Come on.

You missed a bit.

God. The floor'll need to

be cleaned before we go.

- What time is it?

- Ten to five.

Now the morning's on its way.

Can you clean up the chicken

dinner on your own?

There are two things to

do before we go, Michael...

and the chicken dinner is

by far the least gruesome.

Is it necessary, Jackie?

Well, it's sort of unnatural

as it is, Michael.

Take hold of his mouth.

You won't get rid of his

smile by twistin' his cheeks.

You think you're awful smart.

Leave me in peace.

Finish wiping those intestines

from the floor.

What expression

were you thinking of?

Be quiet.

I'm, I'm tryin' to...

Ahh.

God Almighty.

Oh, dear God.

Here.

Ah, come on.

For God's sake, Jackie.

Stop. You're, you're

panicking me, man.

You're panicking me.

Now watch he doesn't

bite again.

Oh, shush.

No. It's not natural.

It's too grim.

You're right, there.

It's in his eyes, Jackie.

Ah.

Yeah. Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.

You're doin' a fine

job there, Brendy.

- Oh, hello there.

- That was a storm, wasn't it?

- Oh, it was.

- Is Maggie around?

She's having a bit of

a lie-in after last night.

Oh, right.

Well, look, Brendy,

I'll get straight in here.

I spent some time with

your daughter last night.

Now, I don't know

how you feel about Finn...

but I think she deserves a lot

more than the local pig farmer.

Finn's not so bad.

Well, no, he's not.

No, you're right there.

He's a good man.

But look at what I've

got to offer, Brendy.

I've inherited the farm now.

I'm up there rattlin'

around on me own.

I could look after Maggie

and little Maurice.

I'm lookin' to settle down,

Brendy...

and there's plenty of girls

who would jump at the chance.

You're very much like

your father, aren't you, Pat?

Well, now, Brendy,

I'll take that as a compliment.

He was always after me wife

right up till we were married.

And as I remember,

he didn't stop there.

Ah, well, now, Brendy,

that just goes to show...

that you both had good taste,

doesn't it?

Look, Brendy, I know I've always

had a bit of a reputation...

with the ladies and that.

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