Waking Ned Page #5

twisted around

your little finger.

- Oh! Holy Mother of God!

- What?

You'll have to be careful of

your friends after the win.

The winning ticket

is in me little bag.

Me little bag has been

left in the phone box.

Oh, great.

Bloody great.

Do you understand

what I'm saying, Ned?

You'll have to watch

your friends.

Ah, there we are, Ned.

Ready for business.

Will you have a whiskey,

Mr. Kelly?

I won't, thank you,

but you help yourself.

Well, basically, Ned,

the reason why I'm here today...

is that sometimes when

people learn just how much...

they have won in the lotto,

they get a bit of a shock.

Oh, yes.

Oh, that I can imagine.

Right, so I expect now

you'll want to know...

just how much you have won.

Oh, and you'd be

in a position...

to tell me that now,

would you, Jim?

I can tell you exactly

how much, Ned.

Do you have your

ticket on you?

Will you excuse me

just a minute, Jim?

I have a bit of an

upset tummy coming on.

OK.

Are you all right there?

Oh, yes.

I'm sorry about that.

- Must be the excitement.

- Of course.

Now, where were we?

Oh, yes, the ticket.

Ah, there he is.

There's the winner.

What a famous little

chap he is, hmm?

Big win, is it?

Ned, you've won...

6,894,620 pounds.

How does that

make you feel?

Oh... uh...

Take your time now.

There's no rush.

It's a great shock to

the system, I know.

You just give yourself a moment

to get used to the idea.

Oh... uh...

So, what do you think, Ned?

It was a rollover week.

The jackpot wasn't

won last week...

so they carried it

over to this week...

and you were

the only winner.

Were you aware of that, Ned?

Uh... no.

OK, well, look, naturally

with a claim this size...

there's a lot of forms

to be filled out.

And we can do that

today if you like...

but I can always come back

another day if you'd prefer.

No, no, no.

Fill... fill them in now, Jim.

Right.

Well, let's have a look.

Oh, hello.

What sort of a game is this?

Shush, will ya?

Don't you shush me.

Michael's in there with

the man from the lotto.

What?

Right, can I have your full

name and date of birth, please?

"Ned Patrick Devine...

"born 17th of July, 1931.

"Six pounds, two ounces. "

OK, now I'll need to find your

social insurance number.

I know it off by heart, Jim.

It's, uh,

8-6-4-3-6-7-4-B.

That's wonderful, Ned.

You let Michael go in

there on his own?

Jackie, he's never

told a lie in his life.

Well, he's making

up for it now, so.

Right, Ned. It shouldn't

be too long now...

before I can issue the check.

Don't take too long now, Jim.

I'll be losing interest

on that money.

Right, well,

I'd best get back to Dublin.

There's a lot of paperwork

to be sorted out.

Mind your head.

I will, thanks.

Ned, you did write your name

on the back of the ticket?

I did indeed.

Very sensible of you.

No one else can claim it on you.

That's right.

Only thing is,

it'll take a little bit longer.

I'll have to come back

and make some inquiries.

Like to make sure that

you are Ned Devine.

Well, congratulations, Ned.

Take care now.

- Are we rich, man?

- Or are you off to prison?

We're not rich, and I'm

off to prison soon enough.

But I saw the man's face.

He thinks you're Ned.

He believes it now...

but he's coming

back in a few days...

to ask questions

in the village.

But all that laughing.

Jackie, the winnings

is almost seven million.

God in heaven!

This is how Ned must have felt

coming so close to a fortune.

At least we've not

woken up dead in heaven.

No... you're alive

with prison to go to.

If I'd have known

how much was won...

I'd never have started

in the first place.

Oh, Lord, this is

getting awful serious.

It's desperate.

God, you did well today, man.

Me and the whiskey.

But Annie is still livid.

Ah, she'll come round.

What a performance that was.

Your Jessy would have

been proud of you.

That she would.

God bless her.

I'd swear she

was there today.

But Jessy or not,

I can't keep it up.

Are we off to prison?

Ned doesn't

want us in prison.

But I can't believe

he wants us...

to be multi-millionaires, either.

Was any of this

in the dream?

No, no.

No, this is for you and me

to work out, Michael.

Ah, good night.

Good night.

Finn?

Finn, are you there?

Of course I'm here.

I'm always here.

I thought I'd come

up and see you.

I thought I'd come

up and see you!

- Right.

- Are you all right?

Great.

Are you sure?

Go on.

Full of the joys, boys.

What have you been doing?

I've been thinking.

What have you been thinking?

Oh, I've had a few thoughts.

I thought about punching

Pat Mulligan in the face.

I thought about telling Maurice

I was the real father.

And I thought strawberry soap

would make all the difference.

Finn, I love you.

You know that, don't you?

If it weren't for the pigs,

I'd marry you tomorrow.

It's all been said before.

Anyway, I quite like

working with the pigs.

I get very attached to them...

despite the smell.

He's promising

to look after me.

Me and Maurice.

You mean look after...

or do you mean pay for?

What?

Maurice belongs

with his real father.

Or is Pat Mulligan the father?

Is that what all this is about?

- No, I'm sorry, Finn.

- Will you tell me?

I have to go.

Is he mine, Maggie?

You're a country boy, Jackie.

Do you think you can outsmart

the man from the city?

I know what Ned wants, Annie.

I'm sure of it now.

Jackie, Ned is dead.

The game's moved beyond

talk of dreams and spirits.

A crime has been committed.

It's a fraud.

I don't want you

worrying about me.

I'm not worried

about you, Jackie.

You'll manage.

I think I could probably manage.

But if anything

happens to Michael...

then God help you, Jackie...

for he will suffer.

How much am I worth to you,

Jackie?

Oh, Annie...

No, how much?

How much for Michael?

For the farm?

For God's sake, what are

you going to do with...

seven million pounds?

- I know...

- No.

Stop.

You're on your

own from now on.

I'm not a great man for telling

things the way they are.

I mean, I've been known

to add a little color...

to stories and riddles

for the benefit...

of those that'll listen.

Yet, here tonight...

I can swear that all

I've told you is true.

The money will be claimed...

and divided equally

between the 52 of us.

Now, I was wrong to think

I could claim the money myself.

That's not what Ned wants.

He wants us to share

the winnings.

A nest egg for us all.

So now, if the lotto man

comes to the village...

you say that Ned Devine

is alive and well...

and you point your finger

to Michael O'Sullivan.

- Jackie.

- Yes?

How are we going to recognize

the lotto man when he comes?

He sneezes.

He sneezes?

He gets hay fever when

he's in the country.

Enough of the sneezing.

How much has been won?

Yes, yes, in a minute.

Now, everyone in favor

of claiming the money...

should visit me before

sunset tomorrow.

If we're not all committed,

there'll be no claim.

I'll make my way to Dublin to

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