Waking Up in Reno Page #9

your utmost respect,

and he's gonna get it

or there's gonna be hell

to pay, I promise you.

I'm gonna kick some ass

and take some names.

[Breathing heavily]

DARLENE:

I respect you, Roy.

Darlene, I've been worried sick

about you, honey.

- Holy...

- Don't come near me.

- God.

- You'll spoil my aura.

Your what?

Well, can't you see it?

It's all around me.

It's a big ol' cloud

of self-esteem.

And Tony Orlando

gave it to me.

[Laughing]

Darlene, you look...

you look good enough to put

in a J.C. Penney window.

Well, thank you, Bubba.

[Exhales sharply]

You met Tony Orlando?

[Roy laughs]

No.

But he sang right to me.

You really did look pretty

tonight, Darlene.

I actually felt pretty

tonight, Candy.

[Sniffs, clears throat]

Oh!

[Door opens]

Rise and shine.

2:
15.

Breakfast time.

Up, up, up, gentlemen.

Come on out of bed,

sleepzhead

Good morning,

good morning

Rise and shine.

Feet on the floor.

Good morning, men.

Wakey, wakey. Hand off snakey.

I'm here on orders

from Darlene Dodd.

Breakfast is being served.

Please join me, won't you?

Miss Candy...

it's breakfast time.

Won't you join us, please?

[Groans]

Roy, you're gonna have

the eggs Benedict.

And eggs Florentine, no coffee

for the lady who is with child.

And this one is for...

Let's see.

How did she put it?

The whore dog

who sells cars in Millsberg.

Don't shoot the messenger.

Okay.

The bill's been taken care of

by you, Mr. Dodd.

I hope you've had

a pleasant stay with us,

and I wish that I could say

I hope you'll return soon,

but... I'd be lying.

[Sighs]

Okay. Goodbye.

Hang on a minute.

Oh, no. Please.

Don't give me your dollar.

I've been most pleasantly

taken care of by Darlene.

She's quite a woman.

All right.

Whore dog, all, good day.

I don't like that motherf***er.

I wasn't gonna tip

the son of a b*tch anyway.

[Chuckling]

This says "Meet me

at the Monster Truck Jam."

[Country music plays]

[Audience cheering]

ANNOUNCER:
The question

I have to ask now...

is anybody ready to see

some monster truck racing?

[Cheers and applause]

Okay! Let's do it!

[Engines revving]

[Crowd cheering]

[Music continues]

Hey, baby.

Hey.

Just in time for the big event.

[Cheering continues]

Whoo!

Wow.

[Engines revving]

Look at that son of a b*tch.

ANNOUNCER:
We got exciting

monster truck action tonight!

Honey, I know I've been

an a**hole.

I swear to God

I'm gonna do better.

It'd just tear me to pieces

if somethin' happened to us.

I'd rather get run over by one

of them trucks than lose you.

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome to Reno

a truck-chomping,

Godzilla-of-a-beast machine!

[Richard Strauss' "Also Sprach

Zarathustra" plays]

Give it up, Reno,

for Robosaurus!

[Music continues]

[Hissing]

[Audience cheering]

Whoo!

[Country music plays]

Whoo!

["Also Sprach Zarathustra"

continues]

ANNOUNCER:

So, what do you say, people,

We sacrifice a new car?

[Cheering continues]

Yeah!

Whoo!

[Laughing] Oh, no.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Go, baby!

Lonnie Earl, so much for

that Corinthian leather, huh?

[Cheering continues]

[Roy whistles]

Go!

Whoo!

[Whirring]

He's gonna eat it.

[Crowd cheering]

[Glass breaking]

[Metal screeching]

[Laughing] Oh, no.

Lonnie Earl,

how are we gonna get home?

[Country music plays]

ANNOUNCER:

Tonight's fully loaded,

dealer-exclusive offering

was generously donated

by a Mr. Lonnie Earl Dodd

of Lonnie Earl Dodd Chevrolet!

[Glass breaking,

metal screeching]

Oh!

ANNOUNCER:

If you can't trust Lonnie Earl,

who can you trust?

Let's give it up

for Lonnie Earl!

[Roaring]

[Cheers and applause]

DARLENE:
I saw these two couples

on "The Jerry Springer Show"

that screwed up a hell of a lot

worse than we did.

And I figured if they can

make up by the end of the show,

in time, maybe we could, too.

LONNIE EARL:
You need any help

with that, Roy?

DARLENE:
But I guess life isn't

always that simple.

So we all decided

we'd better leave

what had happened back in Reno.

And while the baby issue's still

stuck in everyone's craw,

Roy said that if he had to drop

two grand at a sperm bank

to buy some stranger's seed,

he thought it seemed better

to get it from his best friend.

We all just wished Lonnie Earl

had made the deposit in a cup.

But you realize

time heals all wounds,

and real friends endure

tough times.

And that's what we are...

real friends.

Roy...

I wanted to tell you somethin'.

I love you.

I know.

No.

I mean I really love you.

[The Kinleys' "I'm In" plays]

Ahh

Love doesn't come

with a contract

[Sighs, sniffles]

You give me this,

I give zou that

It's scarz business

When zour heart and soul

is on the line

Babz, whz else would I be

Standing 'round here

so tongue- tied?

If I knew what I was doin'

I'd be doing it right now

I would be

the best damn poet

Silver words

out of mz mouth

Well, mz words

might not be magic

But thez cut

straight to the truth

So if zou need a lover

and a friend

Babz, I'm... Babz I'm...

Babz I'm in

DARLENE:
Oh, and good news...

Candy had a 9-pound baby boy...

The spittin' image of Roy.

Candy insisted

they name him Gunther.

And after two more babies,

there was no debatin' it...

Roy's tadpoles were

most definitely swimmin'.

As for us,

Lonnie Earl finally agreed

to see that marriage counselor

in Little Rock.

And since then,

things have been lookin' up.

I've been takin' a more active

role in the family business.

And you'd be surprised what

it's done for my self-esteem,

not to mention our sales.

I guarantee you we won't be

undersold by anybody.

And if you can't trust

ol' Lonnie Earl...

Then you can trust Darlene.

Hi, I'm Darlene Dodd

invitin' you to come on down

to Lonnie Earl Dodd Chevrolet,

where you'll find

the best deals ever.

So swing by Lonnie Earl Dodd

Dodge and Chevy

and say hello

to Ronnie the rooster here

or try your luck with Trudy.

Right now, we've got

a really great deal

on a used maroon Suburban,

so come on over.

And just remember,

if you can't trust Lonnie Earl,

you can trust Darlene.

[Rock music plays]

[Music continues]

[Music continues]

[Music continues]

[Music continues]

[Music continues]

[Music ends]

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes