Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story Page #8

is over 20 years old.

Well, a lot of people like

my old songs.

Old people like your old songs.

May I make a suggestion?

Are you familiar with

the Donny & Marie show?

- The television show?

- I got a call from CBS.

They wanna do the same kind

of show with you.

I'm a serious musician.

I'm not some TV personality.

Well, why can't you be both? Look

at those goofy bastards on Hee Haw.

Well, I do love Hee Haw.

Television, Dewey. It's the way

into the people's hearts.

All right. You call them back today...

...and you tell Mr. CBS...

...that I will do it if I have

total creative control.

Dewey, you can't have

any creative control.

Okay.

All right, let's just do it then.

F*** it, let's do it.

I'm bored.

Live from Burbank, California.

It's The Dewey Cox Show.

And now your host, Dewey Cox!

- Walk hard

- Hard

- Hard

- Hard

Down life's rocky road

- Walk bold

- Bold

- Hard

- Hard

That's my creed

My code

I been scorned and slandered

And ridiculed too

Had to suffer every day

My whole life through

Seen my share of the worst

That the world can give

But I still got a dream

And a burnin' rage to live

Walk hard

Walk hard

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the show.

We've got a great one.

To get things rolling,

I'd like to bring out my first guest...

...a model I think is pretty super:

Miss Cheryl Tiegs.

Well, hello, Cheryl.

Don't you look lovely tonight.

Well, thanks so much, sir.

So do you.

Cheryl, you know, you remind me

of a 1977 Corvette.

Why is that?

Because you're

a beautiful new model.

Just kidding.

Would you do me the honor

of joining me for a song?

Well, I thought you'd never ask,

Mr. Cox.

Baby, come as you are

With just your heart

And I'll take you in

You're rejected and hurt

To me you're worth

What you have within

You don't have to be a star, baby

To be in my show

Good night, everybody.

We'll see you next week.

Good show.

- You ready, Dewey?

- Yes, I'm ready.

"Who Wants to Party?"

Dewey, lead vocal, take one.

Hey, hey

Who wants to party?

Hey, hey

Who wants to party?

Hey, hey

Who wants to party now?

I don't know. I'll see you in a minute.

All right. Everybody good?

Everybody good?

Whoa, Dewey.

Great party, great party.

Thanks, Patrick Duffy from Dallas.

Listen, mingle, enjoy yourself.

- Have sex with anybody you want.

- Well, can do.

- Hey!

- Dewey!

Oh, my God, your show is such a hit.

You beat McCloud last week.

Well, thank you, Morgan Fairchild,

but I never pay attention to the ratings.

Just kidding. We're gonna

take a sh*t on Donnie & Marie.

- Oh, you do that, honey.

- Yes.

Hey, you. Are you gonna

save a dance for me, Dewey?

Well, you bet,

Cheryl Ladd from Charlie's Angels.

Hey there, Little Miss Cox-Tiegs.

Have you met my new wife,

Cheryl Cox-Tiegs?

We've met, yes.

Isn't that funny?

You're both named Cheryl.

Yeah. We're aware of that.

That is hilarious.

Hey, hey

Who wants to party?

I don't know what they're

talking about with this energy crisis.

Because I have plenty of energy,

all right? I am loaded with energy.

Look, I gave up politics

a long time ago.

You know, let somebody else march.

I wanna play Frisbee.

I'm on the beach.

I'm not marching on the beach.

Billy, don't be a hero

Don't be a fool with your life

Do me, Dewey.

I can't, Cheryl Ladd,

I'm married to Cheryl Tiegs.

Oh, I should've been your guest star

last week instead of her.

It could've been me.

"It could've been me."

It could have been me

Could've been me

Stay in it. Stay in it.

It could've been me

Rocky ro...

No! You're repeating yourself!

Why can't I write

a f***ing song anymore?

I love the nightlife

I got to boogie

On the disco 'round

Oh, yeah

I told you

I love the nightlife

I got to boogie

On the disco 'round

Oh, yeah

I'll tell you, I've never been

so truly satisfied.

Living here in this beautiful

beach house with you...

...my beautiful Cheryl Cox-Tiegs.

The ratings are great.

These are the salad days.

Yeah, I've been looking for something

my whole life, and this is it.

I'm finally truly satisfied.

Goodbye, love

Goodbye, love

You are not going home.

You are sleeping in the guestroom.

Forever.

Because you're the only one

who stuck around.

Everyone else got sick of it

and left...

...but you stuck around,

which means you're my friend.

There's a starman waiting in the sky

He'd like to come and meet us

But he thinks he'd blow our minds

There's a starman waiting in the sky

He's told us not to blow it

'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile

He told me

Let the children use it

Let the children lose it

Let all the children boogie

Goddamn it!

I mean, what do I have to do

to get you on my bone? Invent fire?

And then huge laugh and we go

to commercial. All right, take five.

Hey.

Great rehearsal, Dewey.

Very funny sketch.

Thank you.

Have you seen the ratings?

We're getting our ass kicked

by The Incredible Hulk.

Well, last night's episode

was a very special episode.

They revealed that the Incredible Hulk

has an evil twin.

And he's not green. He's red.

I know. It was amazing.

Did you see it?

You can't compete with that.

But we do need to do more promotion.

Here's what we'll do. We'll introduce

people to the new Dewey Cox.

I got a girl here to interview you.

She's from the local affiliate in Dallas.

I don't know.

I'm not so good on interviews.

Bubbe, it's a puff piece.

It's very puffy.

All you have to do

is remind the audience...

...you're not mainlining acid anymore.

And the show, it's a lot of fun, right?

- You're having fun.

- Yeah.

It's on every Thursday night

after the local news.

"It's on every Thursday night after your

local news. I'm not mainlining acid."

- Anymore.

- Oh, I'm not gonna promise that.

- Whatever you're comfortable with.

- "I don't smoke angel dust anymore.

So don't be afraid."

Something like that?

Why don't you tell us about

your new TV program?

Gail, it's a variety show.

I do a little bit of everything.

I do some singing, some dancing,

chatting with the guests...

...the skits, the monologues,

the comedy.

Wonderful. Comedy.

It really is a lot of fun.

We'll have more fun when we come

back from this word from our sponsors.

Don't go away.

Okay, you know what, I gotta tell you,

my heart goes out to you.

I know what it's like to be on

a piece-of-sh*t television program...

...because I'm hosting one right now.

- Excuse me?

Must wanna blow your f***ing

brains out, I'll bet. I know I do.

And we're back

with Mr. Dewey Cox.

We're talking about the fun

he's having on his show.

But right now, let's talk about your

lovely wife, Darlene. How's she doing?

Darlene and I separated

some years ago, Gail.

Oh, okay. Guess I didn't

do my homework.

And to answer your question,

I miss her terribly.

Well, that's sweet.

Why don't we talk about your parents?

They've gotta be proud of you.

Well, my mom is dead.

And my pa and I don't

speak to each other...

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