Walk Like a Panther Page #7

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for just one night

Show them all you've got

some fight in you

The fight's

still in you

Let's go back

To the beginning

Let's go back

To when we were winning

Is there a chance...

- Oh.

- A chance to start over?

We're all rooting

for you, Mark.

I mean, we're rooting

for all of us.

Thanks, Dawn.

It means a lot.

Come on.

What's going on?

TREVOR:
You must be here

for the Ginger Storm.

I figure, if we're gonna

do this, we go all in.

No prisoners.

DANNY:

Go on, Mark.

TREVOR:
If you still want me

to lead this motley crew...

it would be an honor.

GLENN:

Old times, Bulldog?

Old times, Gladiator.

No pissing about, mind.

We do this proper.

We train hard.

It's not gonna be easy.

We're trying to turn the clock

back nearly 30 bleedin' years.

So no half-arsed

bollocks, right?

Right.

Son of Bulldog.

- DANNY:
Your time has come, pal.

- Go on, go for it, lad.

- CLIFF:
Go and get some.

- DANNY:
Get in there, son. Go on.

GLENN:

This is it, Mark.

This is how

it should have always been.

LARA:

Go for it, Mark.

- (SHOUTS)

- (LAUGHTER)

- MARK:
Come on!

- (SHOUTING, GROWLING)

Come on!

- You ready for this?

- Are you...

ready for this?

- (CHEERING)

- Ooh, that's ready.

DANNY:

Go on, Mark!

LARA:

Go on, catch him, Mark!

Mix your movements.

he's starting...

I love you, son.

- Eh?

- (TREVOR SHOUTS)

(BELL DINGS)

POPSY:
I've got a

little news for you.

It seems

that your reunion

has garnered interest

from across the seas.

Meaning?

Meaning, you're like

famous and that.

- Like proper famous.

- WAYNE:
You're everywhere. Look at this.

BRONSON:
Look how many

followers you got here.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

- Is that really me?

- Oh, that's...

H:
You've got over

three million views.

H:
You've thousands of

likes in Australia.

BRONSON:

Gone sat-digital.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

DAWN:

So, um...

What's the catch?

When is this

all gonna go wrong?

There's no catch, Dawn.

Apart from you,

of course.

(CHUCKLES)

A new royal family,

a wild nobility

We are the family

- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

- (SHOUTING)

You see the fall?

You see the...

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Look at that. That's homemade.

That's proper homemade, that.

Dawn! Yes! Hot off the press.

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

Yes!

- Get it. Yeah, that's it.

- Turn me.

- Easy! Easy! Easy!

- Yeah, yeah, I am.

Time of the essence.

(GROWLING)

Oh! Mum.

Not a bloody word, you big jessie.

You'll be fine.

TREVOR:
And I know we're not

as agile as we once were,

but we're gonna give it

a bloody good go.

But one amongst us has

to learn something new.

We need a Bob Dylan.

(MUTTERING)

What's a Bob Dylan, Dad?

It's a villain, Mark.

Every story needs one.

You all know that,

and so does the crowd.

We need somebody

to play the bad guy.

- Or girl.

- I might be bad, Trevor,

but I'm not

that kind of bad.

TONY:
I've got blond

hair and blue eyes.

I wear gold. I'm

personification of goodness.

Tony, you might have been transported

here on wings of angels,

but that doesn't change the fact

that for this thing to work,

somebody has to be bad.

- TONY:
Jolly Roger.

- Got it.

- The Prince of Darkness, Arse Vader.

- Pope John Brawl II.

- DANNY:
Backstreet Bandit.

- TONY:
Locked up.

- Busty Malone?

- GLENN:
Knuckles Nicholson.

- DEREK:
Turnbuckle Tommy Turgoose.

- TONY:
He's dead.

- What about you?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Me? Forget it.

The Bulldog

wouldn't go bad.

Neither would

his tag partner.

You've got no chance.

We've got

shiny bomber jackets,

with cartoon bulldogs doing

the pose and everything.

HARRY:

There is one.

Lesley Beck.

- Are you off your head?

- No.

When was the last time

we saw Lesley Beck?

He went mad when we got

taken off the air.

What do you mean, "went"?

He always was mad.

Remember when

he ate that badger pelt

- and coughed up hair balls all over Rollerball Rocco?

- Rocco, aye.

- Crackers.

- TONY:
Yeah, bollocks to the badger pelt.

Do you remember when he brought

that Shetland pony into the ring

and punched it just

to upset kids?

Out of order.

MARK:
Is he even

still alive anyway?

Oh yeah,

he's alive all right.

Even death

couldn't take that one.

Well, there's only

one way to find out.

Oh, you can't be serious.

He'll eat me

for his supper.

Trevor, I've got

promotion to do.

- We've gotta get out there and...

- It's your show, you go.

(ALL AGREEING)

- Yeah.

- What he said.

Right. Very well.

Then I shall throw myself on a

grenade to save this battalion.

But I want

close protection.

(SCOFFS) I do not believe

you, Cliff Morris.

It's what you do,

isn't it?

Well, "A," I would not get my

sleek Jag down to that farm,

and two, I'll already be

protecting somebody else.

You don't know

when I'm going.

- TREVOR:
You go tomorrow.

- Exactly.

And I'll be closely protecting

somebody else tomorrow.

(STAMMERS)

All day.

DEREK:
Rickson's put a

dent in our van, Wilson.

That's on you.

DANNY:

And you can replace our '99.

- I didn't ask for this.

- Neither did we.

Driving out to the Yorkshire Moors

to a psychopath's pig farm.

POPSY:

I cannot stand pigs.

I hate them. With their

snouts and trotters.

They're so oinky.

Oinky?

Yes, oinky!

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

(ENGINE STOPS)

That's it.

Beck Farm.

POPSY:

Oh, can't we turn back?

I mean, the house

is scary enough.

DANNY:

We've come this far.

We need him, Popsy.

Trevor's right.

POPSY:
Can't one of youse be bad?

Please?

Just for one night,

be the bad guy?

Just open the gate.

How about you open the gate

and I'll drive the van in?

Nobody, I repeat, nobody

drives this ice cream van

except me or me brother.

Now get out

and open that gate.

Or shall we throw you out

and leave you here?

All right.

Oh God. Bloody leg.

(PIGS SNORTING)

Bloody hurry up!

(GATE CREAKS)

Of course.

A spooky creak.

Come on.

Hurry up.

Wait, wait. Wait!

Go, go, go, go, go.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Yes, very funny. Just stop the van.

For Christ's sake!

Go on, again.

Again, again, again.

(SPUTTERING)

DANNY:

Oh, he's not happy.

- (BROTHERS LAUGH)

- He runs like a duck.

DEREK:

Come on, you Smurf.

Just wait.

(BROTHERS LAUGHING)

Pair of Dixons.

Come on.

- DANNY:
Come on, Pops.

- DEREK:
Don't be so soft. Get in.

Hilarious.

Close the window.

- So mature.

- Shut up.

What a couple of cards

the Dixon Brothers are.

- Turn back.

- Why?

Because that suggests

that it might be a good idea.

Behave.

We're not trespassing.

Oh, what? He sent you

a scented invitation, did he?

- Look, you. We're here because...

- I know why we're here!

- And I just wish...

- (LOUD BANG)

- Jesus, Mary, Joseph!

- (LOUD WAILING OINKING)

- What was that?

- A pig. We've hit a bastard pig!

(SCREAMING)

(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Calm down! Just calm down!

- (SQUELCHING)

- (SCREAMING)

- (GUN C*CKS)

- Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

(TAPPING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

You.

You in the ice cream van.

You owe me a sow.

MARK:
Do you think they'll

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