Walk Like a Panther Page #9

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I wake up,

check my phone

Jump in my whip

and off I go

I pay off the police

to stay out of my way

I got it all sewn up

and I'm kingpin for a day

I got the blues,

I got the reds

Yellow-tops

and spider legs

You'd swear it's from Heaven,

but it all grows naturally

I got it all right here

and I'm kingpin for a day

- When you're a kingpin...

- Mr. Wilson?

POPSY:
Yeah, we're here.

We're here. The waiting is over.

(CHEERING)

People wanna take you down

Oh, my God.

- When you're a kingpin...

- It's time.

- (CHEERING CONTINUES)

- Nobody shows, nobody shows you how...

CROWD (CHANTING):

Panthers, Panthers, Panthers!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(FANFARE PLAYS)

It's Saturday afternoon.

It's 4:
00 PM.

It's grapple time!

Ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls...

welcome

to the Ginger Storm!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

Hush your noise.

Be quiet now. Ooh.

I've only got

one more word for you.

Easy.

CROWD (CHANTING):

Easy! Easy! Easy!

Easy! Easy! Easy! Easy!

Easy! Easy! Easy! Easy!

POPSY:
Would you please

welcome, one hulk of a man,

it's only "Screwball"

Danny Dixon!

MABEL:

I'm ready for you.

Go on.

Get out of way, woman.

MABEL:
Don't you hurt my

Glenn, you big girl's blouse.

For the challenge

of bout number one...

would you please welcome...

- "Gladiator" Glenn Higgins!

- (CHEERING AND BOOING)

Easy!

I can't believe

I never got a beard net.

Oh, no, wait, look...

what I got for you, broski.

Look at that.

That belonged

to my granddad, though.

Oh. Uh...

I... I don't wanna

sound ungrateful,

but I don't...

I don't think I want

a dead man's beard net.

He's not dead, Terry.

I nicked it off him

while he were sleeping.

(CHEERING, SHOUTING)

(SHOUTING)

- How's your knee?

- It'll hold.

Get back in there, you bloody soft lad.

He's lame.

- (THUD)

- (CROWD CHEERING)

- Boo!

- (GASP)

My bollocks.

- One!

- I'm not on your bollocks.

- I know you're not.

- Two!

DANNY:
They're hanging out

the back of my leotard.

Three!

- (BELL RINGING)

- (CROWD BOOING)

I'm not wrong.

Oi, Gladiator!

Nobody takes my brother down.

(CHEERING)

- Yes!

- REFEREE:
One!

- Got him!

- Two!

- (SHOUTING)

- (CROWD BOOING)

(DEREK GROANS)

REFEREE:

One! Two! Three! He's out!

- Hail Scissor indeed.

- I'm sorry.

We have a champion.

Gladiator Glenn Higgins!

- But behold...

- Give your mum a kiss.

...Zulu Dawn!

(MAJESTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

CROWD (CHANTING):

Zulu! Zulu! Zulu! Zulu!

- (CROWD CHEERING)

- You're going down, Zulu!

- Going down!

- (MUSIC CONTINUES)

(GROANS)

(CROWD CHEERS)

- (GLENN GROANS)

- Ooh.

Come here.

(GLENN GROANS)

(EXCLAIMS)

Cliff has not

trained us for this.

- No. I'm not... I'm not prepared to see it...

- Cliff's not taught us that.

...let alone react to it.

I don't like it.

- It's over. It's over.

- (BELL DINGING)

You won. It's over.

POPSY:
It appears

that Rorke's Drift,

has triumphed over Pompeii!

Zulu Dawn is the victor!

(DAWN CHEERS)

And up the temperature now.

Would you please welcome

Tony "Sweet Cheeks" Smith.

- (HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)

- (GUNSHOT SOUND EFFECTS)

- (MUSIC CONTINUES)

- (GUNSHOTS CONTINUE)

Come... ooh!

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(WHIP CRACKS)

Yes!

And now,

the one, the only,

Lara "Liplock" Anderson.

Submit to my love

On your back,

on your front

On all fours,

fours, fours

Submit to my love

On your back, on your front

On all fours,

fours, fours...

(CROWD CHEERING)

Boo!

Get a life.

Showtime. Come on.

(ENGINE ROARING)

(ENGINE REVS, STOPS)

(MUFFLED)

Submit to my love

Submit to my love

- (TONY GROANS)

- Submit to my love

On your back,

on your front...

Tony, get him out!

On all fours,

fours, fours...

- LARA:
Down.

- (CROWD BOOS)

REFEREE:

Watch it, you. Down.

One! Two!

LARA:

Right. Come here, cowboy.

Wait till I get

my hands on you!

- Come here, you freak!

- (LARA SQUAWKING)

TONY:

Ladies, enough!

- GLORIA:
What is it? What is it, Tony?

- (MUSIC STOPS)

I love you.

- LARA:
What?

- (CROWD AWW'S)

What?

I love you, Gloria Giles,

and I love Tony Junior.

You're everything

a man could wish for.

Do you think

we could be a family?

I believe destiny

says it can be...

- LARA:
You twat!

- (GRUNTS)

- (LARA SHOUTS)

- On your back, on your front

Piss off!

(CROWD BOOING)

- Submit to my love...

- Oh! She's back!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Come on. Come on.

Thank you very much, my friend.

Right, I'm in. Okay, here we go.

Watch and learn.

Right, verbals and violence.

The two "V's."

POPSY:
Who's slipped himself

under the bottom rope?

Ooh, it's Cliff "Edge" Morris.

- Amateur bullshit!

- Ah, man trouble?

(IMITATES CRYING)

CLIFF'S DAUGHTER:

Daddy! Daddy!

Hi, Daddy.

- (CROWD CHEERING)

- LARA:
Aww.

(CLIFF GROANS)

LARA:

Piss off, Morris.

Oh, my God.

I sense a presence.

- (CROWD GASPS)

- Ooh.

Ladies and gentlemen, I...

(PIG SQUEALS)

Oh, that's brilliant.

I can't exactly give you

a menacing introduction,

with that hideous creature

running about the place.

From the Seventh

Circle of Hell,

it's Lesley Beck.

(CROWD BOOS)

BECK:
Look after him. Otherwise

you'll have me to answer to.

One and all, come one, come all.

Come on.

That wall first.

TONY:

Oh, bloody hell.

I don't wanna fight you.

Here, just have belt.

- Fight me for it!

- POPSY:
Fight him!

- Fight him for it!

- No. No, it's past me bedtime.

- REFEREE:
Have it!

- BECK:
Get off of me!

Have it. I'm not fighting you.

- BECK:
Come on, you wanker.

- See you next time. Enjoy it.

With no more challengers...

we've got ourselves

a new champion.

Lesley Beck!

TREVOR:
Correction,

Popsy Wilson.

Challengers remain!

It's Trevor "Bulldog" Bolton!

- (SHOUTS)

- (CROWD CHEERS)

Yeah!

(GROWLS)

BECK:
Come on! Let's

be havin' you!

You might as well

give up now,

'cause you'll never beat me

on your own.

MARK:

Who said he was on his own?

TREVOR:
Lesley Beck,

meet "Son of Bulldog"

Mark Bolton!

I'm coming for you,

Lesley Beck!

Yes!

(CROWD CHEERS)

- MARGARET:
I love you, Mark Bolton.

- Good job, son.

Hello, love.

Son of Bulldog!

(MOANING)

TERRY GRAHAM:

Was it the violence or the lady?

It was too much violences.

Everywhere you look, violences.

- Where have his testicles gone?

- Oh, keep wafting.

Keep wafting, Terry.

Oh, I've got me sight back, anyway.

That's a bonus.

MARK:

Lesley.

What are you doing?

BECK:

You are nowt but a pup,

- and a runt at that.

- Yeah?

I'll show you who's a pup.

Mum, take me coat.

(GROANING)

You went a bit off script

there, didn't you, Lesley?

- (GROANS)

- BECK:
That on script enough for you?

- You've done it! You've done it!

- Go on, son.

- His mask!

- You did it, Bulldog!

(GROANING)

- MARGARET:
You're all right, love.

- It's proper blood, innit?

Stay calm. Oi!

That is my son!

- What, this one?

- MARGARET:
Yes.

Right.

- All right, mother?

- MARGARET:
Trevor!

MARK:

Go on, Dad.

(GROANING)

You need

to work as a pair,

you and your boy,

to beat me, Bolton.

Be honest with me.

Are they swollen?

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