Walk of Shame

1

Right after the break, we're

going to interview David Kern,

who climbed the highest mountain

in the world, Mount Everest,

but he's gay.

I mean, he's gay.

Excuse me, he's blind.

- More teens are having f***...

- Having luck, rather.

One way to do a turkey call

is with this gobbler

that allows the air to vibrate.

You should try it.

I'd love to.

Go ahead, I want to see this.

No, no.

That just wasn't right.

Yeah.

It's a beautiful Memorial Day.

We have people

out here sunbathing.

We have people

tossing the ball around.

And we really want to

advise that you guys

try to make it

a safe Memorial Day.

I'm a bird, b*tch!

Okay, dude.

God damn it, man!

Well, I'm sure

you needed it, Annie.

Did you get many

spankings as a kid?

Um... As a kid, no.

I... Wait.

Wait a minute.

Susenko Energy is announcing

a proposal to jack off...

Jack up. Excuse me.

What is your comment on the

results of the proceedings?

I have no comment.

How do you think

your case is affected...

What really happened on that

Thursday here at Central High

that led to Tim Johnson's...

What the f*** was that?

Sh*t.

God, I'm dying in this f***ing

country-ass, f***ed-up town.

Here they come down the hill.

It looks like Reuben is in the

lead, and here he comes now...

An infestation of Canadian brown

finches, which is a small bird...

I guess I should have seen that one

coming, huh?

We now send it over

to Meghan Miles. Meghan?

Hey, Joe, I'm here

at the ASPCA, where on...

Oh, boy. I think she's

actually hurt there. Ooh.

I think she is.

Meghan, are you okay?

Okay, Meghan?

We'll get a medic over to her.

Yeah.

Thank you so much

for coming with me.

You're my girl. Team.

Right. Team.

Oh, my God. They're not going to

bring up the cat thing, right?

That was 100 years ago. No one looks

at those YouTube things anymore.

Yeah, right.

Relax, Meghan.

Relax.

Ooh. It's the network.

It's a big step up from

local, but you are ready.

Oh, I'm ready.

Just be yourself.

No, I'm going to be exactly

what they want me to be.

"Anchor."

It is both a noun and a verb.

A reliable or principal

support, but in action,

it means to hold fast.

Hmm.

I believe I can do

that for your viewers,

be the center,

and hold them,

steady.

Tell us more about yourself.

Well, I was raised in Texas.

I studied journalism

at the University of Texas.

I love to read.

I'm a voracious reader.

Mostly historical fiction.

Have you read

Toni Morrison's Beloved?

Of course.

- Good answer.

- Hmm.

My role models include my

parents, which I know is corny,

but they've been

married 35 years,

and I am recently engaged.

We like that.

We'll have a decision in two weeks.

There isn't any

dirt in your past that

we should know about?

Skeletons?

Bones of any kind?

I'm a good girl.

Morning, Meghan Miles.

Be well.

Good day. Good day.

Hey, looking good, Chuck Rogers.

Five minutes to air, people.

Hey.

Hey.

So, I just spoke to my

source inside the network.

And?

It's down to you and Wendy Chang.

The decision should come down today.

Don't be nervous.

Don't be nervous?

You shouldn't have told me.

Breathe.

Wow. Oh,

gosh, hang on, hang on.

This is Meghan Miles.

Meghan, you dirty hooker.

Rosie, stop.

I'm about to go on-air.

Okay, good. But be advised that we

are going out tonight to celebrate.

Honey, I didn't get the job yet.

Minor detail.

I don't know.

It's been a really long week.

Shh. Don't be a cockblocker.

Repeat after me,

"I will not block the cock."

You know what? Rosie, hang on. I have

another call. It could be the network.

This is Meghan Miles.

Meg, honey.

Hey, Mama.

We just saw your last newscast.

You did such a good job.

Although that outfit was a little

revealing by about a button.

Really? Oh, I've been telling

wardrobe to watch out for it.

Thank you for the feedback.

Well, we love you.

Say hi to Kyle.

I love you, too.

Talk soon.

Fine, I will not block the cock.

Still me, hon.

I'm so sorry, Mama.

This is KZLA, Live

at 5:
00, Eyewitness News.

With Jane Rain...

Camera one.

Ready, Chuck? Let's do this.

...Chuck Rogers, sports.

And Chopper Steve, traffic.

Will you stop it? My mother

is going to kill me.

Good evening, Los Angeles.

I'm Meghan Miles.

Our top story...

Well, the day is upon us.

A traffic nightmare

of biblical proportions.

What some are calling

"Carpocalypse Now."

Portions of the 10 Freeway

will be closed for construction

during this coming weekend.

For more, let's go to

our own Chopper Steve.

Chopper Steve, can you tell

us what it's like up there?

Oh. Doing great. Fantastic.

Chopper Steve, are you texting?

Yeah, yeah.

No worries. Who's going to

pull me over up here?

It's sailing pretty smoothly

down there right now,

but we're warning drivers about

massive congestion this weekend.

So, you're saying they

should "steer clear"?

Oh. "Steer clear."

I got that one, Meghan Miles.

Good one, good one.

Like steering the car.

Thanks, Chopper Steve. We'll check

back with you in the 6:00 hour.

Check back? What?

Did my check bounce?

Oh! Sorry.

Okay. Bye now,

Chopper Steve. Fly safe.

Real smooth, Chopper Steve.

F***ing loser. I should

just crash this thing

into the Hollywood sign,

end it all.

Chopper Steve,

we can still hear you.

Your mic is on. Live mic.

Copy that.

For continuing updates

on the Carpocalypse,

stay with KZLA

for all your news needs.

The Ventura County Italian-American

Club did a great job,

but don't call

Mr. Guinness just yet.

It turns out the world's largest

meatball resides in Genoa, Italy.

That's all for now.

Stay tuned for more

KZLA coverage on Carpocalypse,

and find out what simple household

item may just be fatal.

I'm Meghan Miles. Be well.

And we're clear.

Great.

Chopper Steve,

is he on his meds?

Short answer, no.

Did anybody call?

Did you get any emails?

Any text messages

I need to know about?

No, no, no.

Calm down. Calm down.

I'm going to hear from them.

And I'll call you at home.

I can't wait to get my drink on.

And get my dance on.

And just those two things.

Denise.

What?

Meghan!

Meghan!

Meghan Miles!

Either she's not home

or she's ignoring us.

Or she's incapacitated, tied up,

or maybe she had a stroke

or a seizure or something.

Denise, this is Brentwood.

Nothing bad ever happens in...

Oh, my God, O.J. Simpson.

I just remembered that.

Meghan!

It's open.

Honey, you are not

back on the farm in Texas.

You cannot just

leave your door unlocked.

Oh, hey, party girls.

What's up?

What do you want to drink?

I have tap water.

Wait, what's going on?

Where's Kyle?

He's at the supermarket.

And where's all your stuff?

Oh. Um...

Kyle took it all

to the supermarket.

The supermercado.

He's gone.

He...

He said he didn't know

who I was anymore,

and then he left

and he took everything.

That's so weird.

When is he coming back?

Why did you not tell us?

I don't know. I'm sorry.

Rosie, I just...

It's really embarrassing.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes