Walk of Shame Page #2

Yeah, but honey,

we're your friends.

We're not going to judge you.

Oh, hang on, it's Dan.

Hello?

Dan, hello.

Oh, Meghan, don't freak out, but

they're going with Wendy Chang.

Meghan, are you okay?

Chang!

This is such a terrible time

for Kyle to not be here.

Denise, shut up!

They gave it to Wendy Chang.

She's an anchor

in San Francisco.

There you go, honey.

That's a diversity hire.

Asian.

What can you do about that?

She's not even Asian.

She's adopted.

She has red f***ing hair!

Oh, I'm sorry, that was mean.

Good for her.

No. Screw Chang.

You are the best.

Yeah, no one reads

the news like you, Meghan.

We're going to sit down and come

up with a plan to fix your life.

Okay, guys, no more

pity party. It's fine.

I'm not a cockblocker, remember?

So, go. I'll be fine.

I'm just going to stay here

and catch up on Idol.

No! We're not going

to leave you here.

You don't even have your dog.

Technically, it was Kyle's dog.

- Who cares? Forget it. Get a cat.

- Ew.

Cats hate me. You know that.

People say cats are clean,

but they're really filthy.

I am sorry, okay? Whatever. I'm

going to take you to a club.

You're going to meet

some young, stupid, hot guy,

and you're going

to take all your anger

and your aggression

out on his penis.

I don't know. I don't

do that with penises.

I'm more of

a relationship type of girl.

We're taking you out.

Come on, let's go.

Fine, but I'm wearing

these sweatpants.

No. You're going to wear

something slutty like Denise.

I don't own anything

slutty like Denise.

Denise, give Meghan your dress.

But...

No "buts." You can wear

one of her pantsuits.

Ew.

Ew.

Why is it so loud in here?

Isn't it great?

This is what you need.

Shot time!

Already?

Yup, that's right.

Throw it back.

Unless you're too soft.

Yeah.

Oh! Whoo!

Yeah, the other two were for us.

I guess we're going

to need three more.

This is good.

Three more. Three more.

How about something different?

To match your dress.

Hey.

Fancy.

Looking at us?

Oh, yeah, ladies!

Oh, my God.

What do we do? Act bitchy?

Scowl.

Whoa. Sunshine.

You want to join me and

my boys for some drinks?

Will the drinks be alcoholic?

More tequila?

That's what that is.

Wow, your friend is

quite the party girl, huh?

Tonight she is.

Let's make a toast

to these girls, huh, boys?

Yes. You know,

my dad made a toast

at my fifth grade graduation,

and I kept it in my memory...

- Keep it there.

- Cheers!

I love my daddy!

Kyle sucks!

Can I just get

one of these buckets?

- Thank you so much.

- Excuse me.

Let's get rid of this.

All good.

Let's rally! Let's rally!

Yeah!

Do you want to get out of here?

Oh. Absolutely. You stay here.

No, no.

Where are you going?

I got to go for a wee-wee.

Excuse me.

Oh.

This is so high.

Hello? There's no handle.

Hello?

Come on.

Hi.

Hi!

What are you doing up there?

I'm just looking

for the bathroom.

Are you stuck?

How dare you, sir?

Don't you know it is rude

to ask if a lady is stuck?

Oh.

Yes, I am stuck.

And I'm a little drunk.

I should tell you that.

All right.

Nothing wrong with that.

Stay stuck for a second.

Whoa.

That won't be hard,

I can't move.

Breaking news, 2:00 a.m.

Girl stuck on balcony.

Hi.

Hi.

What do you think?

Huh. Oh. Wow, this is a mess.

A bit of a situation.

Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

If we could just find a way

to get this shoe off.

What a puzzle. All right.

Well, we got a strap

coming around here.

Wait! Oh, my God!

What?

There's a whole other strap.

Which one? Left? Right?

You need to stay calm.

What's your name?

Meghan.

Meghan, where are you from?

Texas.

Texas. I like Texas.

Hurry! The timer is

reading five seconds.

All right.

Stay with me, Meghan.

Four, three, two...

Here we go!

Are we alive?

I think so.

You're a hero. Thank you.

Should we get down?

You can do it.

I'm right behind you.

Okay.

So, are you trying

to escape? French exit?

Yeah, I think I was.

I just sort of had my fill of the

lecherous males and the...

I don't know. I don't

really do this very much.

So I just felt this wave of

depression coming over me,

and I thought

I should probably...

Here. It's cold.

It is cold.

Anyway. Rosie.

What? She said

she's leaving.

I should get my car.

Um...

I should go.

Your car? No. I don't think

you should be driving.

Why don't we get you a cab?

Let's find a cab for you.

No, I really want my car.

You don't think I can drive?

Uh...

Come here. Sobriety test.

Smell that meat.

Oh, my God.

That smells so good.

You're so drunk.

That's not even meat.

Screw you, cracker.

It's meat.

All right, why don't I

drive you home in your car,

and then I'll take a cab home from there?

How about that?

No, you don't

have to leave work.

No, no, no, it's fine. I'm not just a

bartender. I got other things going on.

You got a day job?

I am a writer of books.

What kind of books?

Sort of post-modern

romantic fiction.

That is my favorite genre.

Are you messing with me?

No, it's really cool.

I'm a journalist. I've done some...

I don't know.

I don't write anything, really.

I thought I would,

but I mostly just read.

I read the news.

I don't know.

Anyways, so what does a post-modern

romantic writer do all day?

Find beauty and praise it.

Wow. That is the opposite

of what I do, I think.

All right, let's go.

I'm getting you home safe.

Where do you live?

Where do you live?

Okay, you're getting

on my level.

You like the dark stuff.

Hands like this.

What?

Shotgun poetry.

All right, get ready.

"Hark! 'tis an elfin-storm

from faery land

"Of haggard seeming,

but a boon indeed

"I have a home for thee."

I win!

Let's take our clothes off.

I'd like to go to

the judges on that one.

Okay. Judges?

Where are you, judges?

Okay. It's a girl.

Okay, all right, it's a girl.

Ooh. What is in there?

Do you trust me?

You trust me? Okay.

Yeah, I do. I do.

I don't. I don't.

No, no!

Yes!

F***.

Don't mess with Texas.

Dress down. Down.

I'm hungry.

What is this? What is

this little table thing?

Put that one down

and get another one.

I want to do Lady and the Tramp.

This is the best.

Oh, my God.

Let me see! Don't be shy!

Yes! Yellow is your color.

Okay, where's my phone?

My purse. My phone.

Hi, you've reached Meghan. Please

leave a message. And be well.

You have four new messages.

Message one sent yesterday

at 6:
05 p.m.

Meghan! Put down your knitting.

We're on our...

Meg, honey, it's Mom.

We just...

Please don't call me.

Meghan, it's Dan.

Are you sitting down?

Chang is out.

She didn't vet.

They found some raunchy Twitpics

of her and another girl.

She's way too risky for CNB.

It looks like

they're pivoting back to you.

You're the safe bet. All that

steadiness sh*t is going to pay off.

Now, listen, they want to watch

you work, have a final follow-up,

a look-you-in-the-eye

sort of thing.

So, they're coming

to the newscast tomorrow.

So get some rest tonight. Come

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