Walter

1

Heaven or hell?

People don't find out where

they're headed until they die.

But I know. I know

where everyone's going.

Because I'm the one

who makes the decision.

This was the moment

my life changed forever.

Because God starting

speaking to me.

He gave me a job.

My purpose in life.

The judgements.

He told me as long as

I trusted my instincts

and did my job...

everything would be alright.

My name is Walter Gary Benjamin.

My friends call me Wally.

My enemies call me

"kid" or "dumbass"

or sometimes "stupid f***."

My mom has always

gone with Walt,

and my dad, whenever I talk

to him, goes with Walter.

He's God, by the way.

My dad.

And no, I'm not Jesus,

that was someone else.

With a beard.

Eggs?

I have to go to work.

It's an important part of life,

you know, eating.

I'm sorry, but being late

is not an option.

You're never late.

Because I always leave

at the same time. Goodbye.

Well, what if you starve

to death on the way to work?

I won't.

You might!

I won't.

Your bus could crash.

Everybody dies on impact,

except you.

But the paramedics

can't get to you,

because you're trapped,

under all the twisted metal,

and the other dead passengers,

and then there's gas,

all over the road!

Now it doesn't explode,

which is a good thing.

But while they're busy making

all of their explosion

preparations,

who dies of starvation?

You do!

Being who I am

isn't always easy.

The job of deciding

someone's eternal fate

is a great responsibility.

Him, hell.

Her, heaven.

Heaven.

Heaven, hell.

Heaven.

Heaven.

When making a judgement,

I'm required to look

past the obvious.

Heaven. Heaven. Heaven.

Most of the time, I'm able to

do my job without question.

But it's hard for me on

this particular city bus.

When I was eleven, I took this

same bus to the hospital

with Jim a lot.

He told me if he could

fight fires for a living,

a little disease was

nothing to worry about.

Then everything's gonna be okay?

Then everything's gonna be okay.

Dad, when I grow up,

I'm gonna be...

Look at this kid,

all eager and sh*t.

I take the time out of

my day to address

your quirky little dumbass self,

and you're just

gonna blow me off?

I'm working, Vince.

No, you're vacuuming.

I'm working.

Constantly. See, I got this call

back on this jack-in-the-box

spot they're shooting

up in Chi-town.

Corey gave each of us a list

of pre-matinee duties

that we're supposed to...

Corey gave up on life

when he gained 40 pounds,

opted against using Rogaine

and decided to manage

a f***in' movie theatre

was an acceptable career choice.

He's still our boss.

No, he's your boss.

My boss is Brando.

My boss is motherfucking Denzel.

My... my boss is that guy

who played Gandhi

in that old-ass Gandhi movie.

Corey ain't sh*t.

What was that?

Ha! You know, I saw you

creeping up my perphery.

You like what I was doing there?

I was like, you know,

"Corey ain't sh*t!",

knowing the whole time

you were coming right up on me.

That's funny!

Theatre 3 has puke

in one of the aisles,

just for you, Vince.

Yeah. Yeah, my boy,

he's all over that.

Usually, when someone

identifies you by name,

they're talking to you.

Unless you've changed

your name to Douchebag.

Lobby looks good.

Thank you.

The lobby floor is highest on

my list of pre-matinee duties,

so I always make sure to...

Jesus Christ.

- Undigested Milk Duds.

- Look at 'em.

No thank you.

Just f***in' look at 'em!

You're seein' general human

condition bullshit

going on right in there, man!

It's just a metaphor for life,

stupid f***!

That's Kendall.

Definitely heaven.

I've liked her since the moment

she started working here,

but she's Concessions.

I'm Tickets.

Yo, Kendall!

If only I can figure out

how to talk to her.

It's about time, Wally...

She says, cueing the music.

She says something cool, poetic.

Something cool,

poetic.

I respond with equally profound

yet effortless banter.

Words, words, words.

I love you.

You're staring.

What?

You're staring, dumbass.

I wasn't staring.

No, whatever you say,

Brokeback Rain Man.

Vince!

What?

Stop.

Hey, it's cool.

I'm... I'm all secure

in my sh*t.

Like, I don't want you to think

that I'm hatin' on

the goofy b*tch, I just...

I'm totally into the ladies,

so I gotta be like,

"Yo, you know, keep the homo

party on that side of the...

"the lobby, 'cause

I only bang chicks."

You know what I mean?

Look, it's okay,

don't feel bad about yourself.

I got an appeal.

It's an it-factor.

I wasn't staring.

Does this normally work for you?

What?

When you talk.

Dramatic tension.

Wow.

I wasn't staring at Vince.

Umm... I'm gonna go

set up before we open.

Well, w... I wasn't staring.

I wasn't.

- Even for the most dedicated

- Cineplex employee,

there are extended

gaps of down-time.

I spend mine watching movies.

Comedy, romance, action,

whatever it is Tyler Perry

thinks he's doing.

As long as I can just watch.

No judging.

Heaven. Heaven.

What...

- Theatre 1 to your left.

- Heaven.

Theatre 2. Heaven.

Theatre 8 to your right. Hell.

Hello?

What do you want?

Good day at work?

Fine. It was fine.

I made eggs.

I'm... I'm not... I'm not...

Are you sick?

No.

Oh, Walt, you don't look good.

Did you catch something?

I'm fine.

I told you to get a flu shot.

You're working at

that movie theatre,

with all those people

with butter

and bathroom doorknob

feces on their hands.

I'll get the thermometer.

Heaven, heaven.

Listen, man, I don't

know what's wrong...

Hell.

But I need it today,

not tomorrow.

Heaven. Heaven.

Heav...

Heaven.

Heav...

Hell. Heaven.

Theatre 3 to your left. Heaven.

Theatre 2 to your right.

Polo heaven, tank-top hell.

Anybody say he'd be your

Prince Charming?

Do you think or you just

completely...

Uhh, Theatre 4 right...

uhh, to your right. Hell.

Hello?

Come on, man, I'll miss my movie.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Where are you going, ticket guy?

Just make the judgement, kid.

This is not...

Yes or no,

up or down, heaven or hell,

I really don't care,

but I can't be here any longer.

You're not...

you're not even...

I know who you are.

This isn't...

This isn't...

Do your job.

- I can't get a reading...

- Can I get a new ticket guy?

Mine's broken.

Do... your... job.

Must be nice.

If I had a direct line like you,

I wouldn't have to do this.

Do what? Who are you?

I'm Greg.

Greg?

Yeah. Gregory Douglas Tomlinson,

if that helps with

the paperwork.

How do you...

Hmm? How do I what?

Know who I am. No one knows.

No one living, at least.

Boo.

It's a stupid joke.

It's... I just...

I've been waiting a long time

to try that out, so...

You're dead.

My lack of colour give me away?

That's why I couldn't

get a read.

So what's the plan?

How did you find me?

I'm dead, Walter.

I'm dead and I'm talking to you.

I judge the living.

You judge everyone.

Everyone living!

So I'm...

I'm stuck here like this?

I don't know! I... I don't...

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