War, Inc. Page #2

Marsha, will you set that up? 9, 10-ish?

Unattended cars will be crushed and incinerated.

Hello, sir. Welcome to Popeye's. How can I help you?

I'll have crawfish etouffee, the Big

Flava chicken sandwich with Boss Sauce...

and to top off my meal, a frothy orange drink.

- I'm here to see the viceroy.

- Sir.

Don't mention his name. Follow me!

Okay!

Let's go, boys. One, two, one, two march!

- He's not here?

- Closed circuit, sir.

Welcome to liberated Turaqistan, Hauser.

Big fan. Have been for ages.

Sorry for the secret identity bullshit...

but it's a brave new security.

I'll be contacting you by phone,

but if you wish to contact me...

you'll have to come here to the bunker, 'kay?

Omar Sharif. He's staying at the Freedom

Grand through the closing ceremony.

Make sure he doesn't make his plane.

Got it.

Now, about this closing ceremony...

It looks like we Yonica Babyyeah

wedding. Incredible, huh?

What is a Yonica Babyyeah?

The Britney Spears of Central Asia.

Kids from Baca to Yemen are nuts for her.

Anyway. The point is...

this weddin' is the grand finale of the trade show.

This is the biggest extravaganza

in the history of Central Asia.

And it's the centerpiece of our P.R. blitz here.

It's perfect branding synergy, Hauser.

Blends the image of an American-style

woman getting her own and getting it on.

A great new democratic dynasty...

with all the strength and

virility of traditional warlords.

Exactly. That's why you're the best.

Overall, we see it as a pretty irresistible package.

We're getting worldwide coverage, U.S.

networks, Sky Channel, Al Jazeera...

so make it big buddy.

See she gets everything she wants

and make this a grand finale...

the world will never forget.

You bet.

Jeff? So, listen. I met this guy...

No, he's just some mid-level schmo.

Anyway, I think if I play him right, I

can get a pass out of the Green Zone...

and I can see what's really going on here.

No chip for me, thanks.

Ma'am, you really won't get the

full experience without the chip.

Doctor's orders. I get hives.

Welcome to Implanted Journalist Experience.

Thanks to cutting-edge Tamerlane

Interactive Technology...

we are now able to reduce the risk of

journalist mortality to virtually zero.

The Combat-o-Rama Implantation Device...

will allow you to experience

full spectrum sensory reality.

Over the next seventy-two hours,

some of you may experience...

headaches, nausea and some muscle pain. This is normal.

If symptoms of epilepsy occur, please notify your doctor.

Thanks and enjoy the ride.

Mr. Hauser!

Mr. Hauser!

Yonica Baby is two minutes from arrival. We need to go.

Yonica! I love you!

Jesus Christ.

Hi. Welcome. How was traffic?

I hear those checkpoints can be murder.

Where is dressing room? I'm f***ing wasted.

Well, let me show you.

She needs Popeye ten-piece box. All white meat.

Extra crispy, extra spicy. Diet Coke. You get it?

And pickles.

She wants pickles. Clausen classic dill pickles.

- Pickles?

- Yeah.

- All right...

- You are big boss?

- I guess I am, yeah.

- How big?

Don't do that.

Confiscate that film.

I do what I want. Okay?

Of course you do and we're excited to have you.

Don't get too excited.

I'm not that excited. Let me

show you to your dressing room.

Get some chicken, pickles. And whatever you want.

Come on in. Hi. Nice work with the bat.

How are you? Hi, good luck.

Hi. Mr. Pickle. Las Vegas. Mr. Federline.

The impending marriage of Central Asian pop star...

and Ooq-Mi-Fay Taqnufmini the

scion of the powerful Turaqi clan.

The marriage. A symbol of democratization...

or a sleazy public relations stunt?

Yes or no?

Natalie.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Jesus. What is this place?

It's the Freedom Grand. How do you like it?

Guess I could go with strange love in the desert.

Weird. Rarefied. Coven-like.

- Stop me if I'm rambling.

- Stop. Sit.

Can I get a double bourbon? Vodka twist? How's that?

- Okay.

- Thank you.

So, you're producing the big...

Freedom's on the March economic land-grab masquerade.

Are you with Tamerlane employee or a freelance producer?

That's complicated. Let's get to that later.

I just wanted to get to know you.

Okay, tell me about yourself.

Just doing this gig, trying to

make the best of a bad situation.

Looking for redemption in all the wrong

places. Stop me now if I'm rambling.

- Okay, stop.

- How about you?

How about me what?

You know, tell me about you. Where're you from?

Who gives a f***? Are you serious?

I'm serious as a deacon. I'd like

to get to know you as a person.

For God's sakes... why?

Well, what the hell else are we gonna

do on this dark and lonely night?

So you wanna seduce the journalist

whose politics you despise?

How dare you? I have no politics.

Everyone does, even if they don't know it.

- Not me.

- Just a straight mercenary?

I'm a host. I'm a showman. I'm an organizer.

There's just people here. Some good,

some bad. All interesting.

You seem like an interesting person and

I try not to over-think these things.

You're a clever guy. Some would even call you charming.

But it gets tired, doesn't it? All that

patter, the show biz, it's just a mask.

There's gotta be a person in there somewhere.

Did you know that "person" comes from

the Latin word persona which means mask?

Being human means we invite spectators...

to ponder what lies behind.

Each of us would be composed of a variety of masks.

And if we can see behind the mask,

we would get a burst of clarity.

If that flame was bright enough, then we fall in love.

What's your opinion on these divine matters?

I'm not gonna f*** you. You know that, right?

Oh, I hope that you know that somewhere.

I sense you're such an angry woman.

You're just intent to laying

waste to all of us, aren't you?

That was the best half-true

frontier gibberish I've heard.

Thanks.

- Hey. Listen.

- Yes?

All access pass to the trade show,

compliments of the house.

- Don't be a stranger.

- I won't be.

Now, let's get these passe's right.

Ayat, a little knee jerk.

Make it work. Make it work.

Very good.

All in the legs, girls.

How many times do we have to say this? Ayat!

Higher!

Big smile, Reshbeck! For God's sake.

Thank you.

You're back for some more gibberish.

You remember Marsha? This is Peter Parker.

Choreographer, worked with Rob

Marshall, all the big musicals.

It's incredible. Each girl is a trans-femoral amputee...

who had lost her leg during the liberation.

And thanks to Tamerlane, we can

have you up and dancing in no time.

Just another example of how American know-how...

alleviates the suffering it creates.

Look at this. Hamy Shenkman had her leg

blown off by an M-18 Claymore landmine.

And, Conyel Bisland...

an M-72 rocket-propelled grenade...

that mistakenly hit her high school.

And Tamerlane used the exact same RPG

firing pin rod assembly technology...

that it uses in the prosthetic knees of its.

Talk about vertical integration.

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