War on Everyone Page #4

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You know him?

Yeah.

James Harris. He's been on the run

these last couple of months.

Apparently, he's a Quaker.

A Quaker?

I thought they abhor violence.

Was it a good shoot or a bad shoot?

Well...

...that's what we would call

a "contentious issue".

F*** me.

Again, really?

It's like every f***ing week.

- At least these guys are white.

- Yeah!

- Yeah. Gotta look at the bright side.

- Yeah.

- What happened to the driver?

- He got away.

Oh. Was he a Latin, Caucasian

or Negro gentleman?

African American, yes.

Got away with the money, too.

Close to a mil.

Wait a second.

How'd you know the driver was missing?

Wild guess.

- That's a wild guess?

- Wild guess, yeah.

We never said missing.

Nobody ever said missing.

He just said,

"What happened to the driver?"

- He just asked.

- I was just curious.

Reynard gets shanked so he can't drive,

he's dead.

So Jimmy Harris asks his old pal Reggie

to be the driver.

And Reggie, the double-crossing bastard,

decoys us and skedaddles with the money.

Whose money?

Our money.

Patronising f***.

Ah...

Well, well, well.

Allah be praised.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking someone has just made

a very big mistake.

So you heard about Jimmy Harris.

I just lit a candle for him.

That's a very good idea.

He's gonna need all the help he can get.

He wasn't so bad.

He always treated me okay.

He was a Quaker.

They didn't have to kill him.

He would've tried to kill them,

if he had the chance.

Quaker or not.

Tell me about Russell Birdwell.

What's there to tell?

He runs a strip joint.

It's not like he's Diaghilev

with the Ballets Russes.

Come on.

He wanted to know

why you were looking for me.

I told him you weren't looking for me,

you were looking for Jimmy.

That wasn't good enough

for Mr Birdwell, was it?

He's a wacko.

I had a run-in with him before.

What about?

He tried to get me to do a porno.

I told him to get lost.

He got nasty.

He got nasty?

Okay, mami, I got three dollars!

Birdwell!

- Nobody move!

- Move!

Snake!

Oh, f***!

- F***!

- F***!

Move!

You're a sh*t shot, Birdwell.

No one cares about innocent bystanders.

Why do you keep moving, man?

F***.

F***. F***!

Bob, were you hit?

It's just a cramp. A bad one.

Go, go.

I'm just gonna breathe.

Come on, little piggy.

Come on!

You see this ring?

My mom gave me this ring.

Ah.

It's a nice ring. You know what it's for?

It's for beating the sh*t

out of scumbags like you.

Why don't we just throw him off the roof?

- Huh?

- I'm kidding. I'm...

It was a bad joke.

Hey, you wanna go grab a burrito?

I can't, it's date night.

Oh.

A million dollars?

It's a nice, round number.

That's my favourite round number.

We don't need a million dollars to retire.

No?

Not if you're gonna get killed

going after it.

Oh, I can handle myself, baby girl.

Don't you worry your pretty little head

about that.

- F*** you.

- And besides,

- fortune favours the bold.

- You know where that's from?

- Greek mythology.

- Oh.

A guy named Turnus said it

just before another guy

named Aeneas

popped a cap in his ass.

It's just like my mother said.

You're too damn smart

for your own damn good.

One second.

Hey, assfuck!

Did you sh*t in this?

Whoa, there, pilgrim.

This is lush.

Yeah, it's all right.

Don't be getting any ideas, though.

This is just till this bullshit

with Birdwell blows over.

How can you afford this place?

Overtime.

Where's Reggie?

Why the f*** would I tell you?

Well, we know that Reggie was

the driver for the racetrack heist.

Where is he?

You're making me repeat meself now.

Why the f*** would I...

All right, don't f***ing hit me!

I'm an only child.

He got away with the money.

How much?

Million bucks.

- F*** me.

- Yep.

A million?

- How much do I get if I...

- Rat out your friend?

Yeah.

- 50.

- 200.

- 50.

- 175.

- 50.

- 100.

All right, 50.

Where is he?

You're not gonna believe this, lads.

F***ing Iceland.

Well, they have something

called the Blue Lagoon here.

It's a hotspot.

It's outdoors.

It's probably full of sweaty Europeans

with bad teeth,

f***ing each other.

You'd be swimming around in jizz.

European jizz.

It was one of the first movies

I ever saw, actually.

European Jizz?

- The Blue Lagoon.

- Oh, right.

Either that or Doc Savage: Man of Bronze.

Oh, f***.

Hey, Bob.

Yeah.

What's the plan for finding Reggie?

It's gonna be tough tracking him down

without anything to go on.

Isn't it?

Well, he's black.

How many f***ing black people

do you think there are in Iceland?

We just stand around here

and keep our eyes open.

That's not much of a plan, Bob.

You don't think we should try...

There he is.

I'm a black belt in jiu jitsu,

motherfuckers!

You don't put up much of a fight, do you?

F***ing Stephen Hawking

could knock you out.

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Well, you kinda have to be.

I guess I should count myself lucky you didn't

put me in a f***ing chokehold or some sh*t.

Shut up, shut up.

So, Iceland. What the f***?

- I wasn't thinking straight.

- No sh*t.

I panicked, okay?

You would too if you saw

everyone around you getting popped.

That sh*t was stone-cold murder, man.

Jimmy and the guys

were giving themselves up.

Oh, don't look at me.

I f***ing hate murder.

- Don't I, Terry?

- He hates murder.

Oh, I hate murder!

It really upsets me.

But more importantly, where's the loot?

Stashed it.

How much you want?

- All of it.

- Obviously.

- F*** you!

- No, f*** you, glass-jaw boy.

You're gonna hand over

that million bucks or...

- A million bucks?

- Yeah, a million bucks.

I don't have a f***ing million bucks,

are you crazy?

You f***ing cheapskate! You walked away

with a million f***ing dollars!

It wasn't all mine!

I had to give it to the cat who planned

the whole thing, then I got my cut.

Oh, now you're bullshitting us.

Either the Webb brothers planned it

or Jimmy Harris planned it

and they're all f***ing dead.

Jimmy and the Webb brothers

were tapped out.

That's why they took the gig

in the first place.

The whole thing was planned

by this money guy,

a British dude named James Mangan.

Mmm.

Never heard of him. Where can we find him?

I don't know where he lives.

He's this mysterious character.

I know he's got

some legit businesses, but...

Look, I'll tell you guys everything I know

but you gotta give me a little leeway here.

How much do you have?

- We'll take a hundred.

- F*** you.

It's hard but it's fair.

It is pretty fair, yeah.

Fine.

Mmm.

How are you finding the place?

Not exactly the best place to blend in

but upside is I think I'm falling in love.

Baby, where have you been?

You guys want a drink?

I got some pretty good whisky.

I'm good.

I'll try a little bit

of that whisky, Kimberly.

So how long have you known Reggie?

- We're old pals.

- And you're here on holiday?

No, just a quick in and out.

- You're together?

- Yes, we are.

No, Kimberly, we are not together.

I'm a heterosexual man.

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