Ways to Live Forever Page #2

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She left her job when I got sick.

Now she takes Sundays off to go

and sing in the church choir.

I don't go because I hate people

pretending they're worried about me.

My sister Ella always goes

because she loves everybody

fussing over her.

Dad never goes.

He doesn't like talking

about my illness.

Dad is really clever,

but I could never ask him one

of my questions.

Whenever somebody brings up

the subject, Dad just coughs

or simply says We're not going

to talk about that.

We're home.

Look how quiet you two are.

What's that Sam?

Homework.

You've got lots of homework

all the sudden, haven't you?

He's been writing all morning.

If he's putting that much effort

into your homework, don't you think

it's time to go back to school?

That poor woman has been

coming here long enough.

I like Mrs. Willis.

I don't want to go back to school.

The kids all stare at me and ask

how sick I really am

and how come I get to go home

when I'm tired.

It's ridiculous.

Anyone can see

Sam is much better now.

It's silly to keep him cooped

up here with nothing to do.

I've got lots of things to do.

Dad, don't.

I'm fine here.

Daniel, don't start all that again.

Not in front of the kids.

Dad thinks I'm getting better

because they're not giving me

chemotherapy anymore.

Mum, what's the matter?

He thinks I could get cured

if I behaved like a normal kid.

Doctors can get things wrong.

Look at Sam. Just look at...

Sam!

Set down.

I hate nose bleed.

I hate them.

I hate everybody fussing.

Ella being a helpful Brownie,

passing tissues to Mum.

Mum telling me what to do like

I don't know already.

And Dad not moving,

just standing there looking at me

with that odd look on his face...

as if I was an alien...

Sam!

Sam!

Sam!

Annie Dracula!

You can leave it at Dracula.

Annie isn't really a vampire.

We call her that because

she deals in blood.

What have you been up to then?

What was I meant to say?

I've started writing a book

and record a video.

I launched a rocket.

Dad thinks I'm well again.

I kicked a football again.

Nothing.

That's it done.

For now, pirate, you've got

to take things easy.

This is a catheter.

They use it to take blood

from me and they inject

stuff in through it.

Right now they're giving me platelets.

It's a pain,

because it's always there

so I never forget I'm ill.

This is my IV stand.

Actually, I'm not tied to it,

it just looks like that.

The platelets are hooked up to it,

they come down this tube

to the catheter and they give them

to me when I've had a hemorrhage...

that's all you can say

about the subject really.

Things that I want to do before I die.

It's wonderful.

It's freezing.

Alright. So let's make a list of things

we'd like to do.

A list of wishes.

Then we'll put them in this bottle

and throw it into the sea.

So. I'll go first.

One, go to the Grand Canyon.

Two, clean out the attic.

Three learn how to make meringues,

and four, train the dog.

Train the dog?

What kind of a wish is that?

You don't know our dog.

Your turn, Felix.

Be rich and famous, nuke all doctors,

see Arabian in concert.

You've already seen Arabian in concert.

Your brother took you.

See Arabian in concert again.

Sam.

Be a famous scientist,

find things out and write about them.

Watch all the 18 rated horror films

I'm not allowed to watch.

Go up down escalators.

Ride in an airship.

Be a teenager and drink,

smoke and have girlfriends...

Ella...

See a ghost, go up in a spaceship

and see the stars, break a world record...

Are you going to do all these things?

I don't know, probably not.

We could have a shot at them,

couldn't we?

They're not things to do really.

They're more like...wishes,

not real things.

So? Mrs. Willis is going

to make meringues, isn't she?

Why can't we watch horror films?

My brother's got tons in his room.

We can only really do two things

from this list.

Watch horror films

and go up down escalators.

All the rest is impossible.

Nothing is impossible for Felix Stranger.

We could smash a world record.

You can't go about smashing

world records, just like that.

On the 23rd of July 1999,

Ashram Fur man climbed

the Eiffel Tower's 1665 steps

with a pogo stick

in fifty seven minutes

and fifty seconds.

I love world records,

and Ashram Fur man is the guy

who has broken most of them:

216, including the world record

for the person to break

most world records.

My father told of this guy

who ate two hundred worms

in thirty seconds!

Let's do that one!

That's not a Guinness world record.

Felix, that guy advocate hundred worms.

We'll do it.

First of all, we'll try Oneida see

what they taste like,

then two hundred

and one din thirty seconds.

The smallest nightclub in the world.

2.4 x 2.4 x 1.2 metres.

We can beat that.

Anybody can build a nightclub.

What do you need?

Music?

And flashing lights, and drinks...

We can get all that.

And it has to be opend to the public.

It will be.

Let's get this place rocking!

I'm not surprised

we don't have any customers.

Even if it wasn't

an officiald Guinness Record,

it was enough for me to score Oneida

my wishes off my list...

Questions nobody answers number 2:

why does God make children get ill?

I'm here now.

Because God doesn't exist.

That's not a reason.

Of course it is.

Maybe he doesn't exist.

Write it down.

OK. Number two.

Number two.

He does exist,

but he's secretly evil.

He likes torturing kids for fun.

Number three.

God is like a big doctor.

He makes people ill

so he can make them better people,

to make them less selfish.

Come on, Sam.

Today class is at Felix's house.

He doesn't care if you die,

because you just go to heaven

where he lives anyway.

That's a load of rubbish.

It's what my mum says.

How does cancer make you better?

Eh... I don't know,

you get all excited

about being able to ride your bike,

and your family is pleased.

If you're not ill,

you don't value stuff

like riding your bike.

That's the biggest load of crap

I ever heard!

God makes you get cancer to

teach you how great riding your bike is?

You can't put that down.

Well, it's there now.

Alright. Four, there's no reason.

Five, there is a reason,

but we're too stupid to understand it.

It's punishment for being bad.

It is not!

Why not?

That's what Buddhists say.

It's the karma for what you

did in your other lives.

We went through the whole class

without agreeing

about why kids have to die...

Felix repeated again and again

that we're already prefect,

too good for this earth,

that's why we have to go so soon.

When a Hindu dies, the family lights

a candle beside the corpse.

That's because Hindus believe

the soul is all confused

when it leaves the body,

and the candle gives it

somewhere to live.

Pygmies don't like death.

When somebody dies, they demolish

the dead person's house...

and they never talk about

the person ever again.

Jewish people never leave the body

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