Ways to Live Forever Page #3

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on its own until it's been buried.

They do that to show their respect,

and to make sure nobody steals the body.

Afterward they rip their clothes

to show pain.

The Mexicans have a big fiesta.

It's called The Day of the Dead.

They go and visit the graves

of their family members,

they make them food and they set

a place at the table for them too.

Felix, I'm nipping down

to the supermarket.

Will you two be okay?

I won't be late.

Now's our chance.

For what?

My brother has gone back

to the oil rig.

He's going to be away

for a month.

Let's go.

You wanted horror movies.

It's meant to be the most

terrifying horror film of all.

Inspired by true events...

the exorcism of Emily Rose

has been considered too disturbing

for home viewing...

one of the most shocking

and gripping movies ever made.

Have you seen it?

What's so scary about it?

It's about a girl that gets possessed

and begins to get sick, and she throws up

and goes into spasms.

That sometimes happens to me,

there's nothing terrifying about it.

Look, you wanted horror films.

This is the one.

It was dead boring!

We kept expecting monsters

or demons to appear,

but they didn't... the bit

at the beginning was like John

Grisham movie,

except nothing happened...

then it got all confusing.

There was a priest and some people

that wanted him in jail... then..

The girl saw a ghost at

the end of the corridor...

the things in her room

started moving about

an evil spirit began to get closer

and closer and...

Hi guys.

What are you watching?

Felix what were you thinking,

it's a grown up film.

Felix's mum didn't let us

see the end.

At the end, she gets cured.

That's what she said.

Deep down, I was glad

she didn't let us see any more,

because there was something

in it that made me really scared.

What does inspired

by real events mean?

Does it mean it's a true story?

Gran, do you believe in demons?

Demons?

You mean, with horns

and three-pronged forks?

No, evil spirits possessing people.

No, that's just a load of rubbish.

But do you believe in ghosts?

Some more about my illness.

I've had leukemia three times.

They've given me chemotherapy twice.

Dad wanted me to get it again,

but Doctor Bill said no.

Leukemia always comes back.

They think they've cured it,

and then it comes back.

True fact:
eighty five per cent

of people get cured for good.

That's eight and a half out

of every ten people.

That's most people...but with me,

it always comes back.

When a Doctor says...

Let's wait and see.

Or ...Fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed.

It means they aren't going to

give me any more chemotherapy.

My wish is to go up down-escalators.

Doing more school work then?

No actually

I'm writing a book.

A diary.

Some bits I'm recording on video.

A book...

I tried to write a book

when I was your age.

Really

It was called Captain Cassidy

and the Castle of Death.

What was it about?

I don't know,

I never got past the first chapter.

My book is about me.

About you?

About... being ill.

And all that...

Aha.

For your book.

Better than all those staples.

Thanks.

That's very... thank you.

It's not a tear-jerkier full

of poems and rainbows, is it?

No.

Good.

It's stupid.

You'd need a time machine.

Right, and who would waste

a time machine on being an adolescent?

It's stupid, but...

What's that? a map?

I make all your wishes come true.

Let's go.

Left or right?

Right.

It's closed.

I know it is.

My uncle runs it.

Ring the bell.

I think I felt something like

being a teenager for a minute.

I had difficulty breathing

and suddenly I really needed

to go for a pee.

What do you want?

That's friendly of you.

This is Sam, I brought him

to see the pub.

Can you let us in?

Is uncle Mick in?

He's upstairs and I'm not supposed

to take people round the bar.

Isn't she lovely?

Sam, this is my cousin Raleigh.

Raleigh, this is Sam,

my friend from the hospital.

What's wrong with you then?

I've got spheroidal globules.

Ignore him.

Are you going to let us in or what?

Alright, but if Dad catches us,

I'm blaming you.

How does it feel

being a teenager then?

Great.

Can you serve us something Raleigh?

Sam wants to know what it's like

to go out drinking.

We've got tons of things.

There are loads of bottles

Dad never uses.

Up there.

We've got Creme de men the...

that's mint...

Creme de cacao... coffee,

or chocolate... Cherry liqueur.

Cherry sounds good.

Last one pays.

One more?

That's two teenage things

you've done now.

Only one more to go.

No. No way.

Oh, come on, shut up. Hey,

Raleigh...

Yes, sir.

If I dared you to do something,

would you do it?

No.

Come on, don't act a kid.

Depends.

You've got to kiss Sam.

Give him a proper kiss on the mouth.

Felix! This has got nothing

to do with me, I swear.

It's all his doing.

Will you do it?

No! I mean, no!

Not with you watching!

You can dance if you like.

You can't look.

I'm not going to.

Let's see you move your body, mate!

Questions nobody answers number 3:

What would happen

if somebody wasn't really dead

and people thought they were?

Would they get buried alive?

In the nineteenth century,

people were really worried

about the idea of being buried alive.

To solve the problem,

Doctor Adolf Gunsmith designed a coffin

with a tube for air and food.

To test it out, he buried himself

for three days.

He lived off soups, sausages ,beer...

Hello!

How are you going to die?

You already know that.

I mean here, in your diary.

You can't end it just like that.

People will wonder what happened.

You'll have to get your mum

to sit beside you and interview you.

How are you feeling now, Sam?

I can see a light...

with tons of dodgy guys

with wings flying about...

Shut up.

You could write it in advance.

My death was very sad, everybody cried.

I gave a long speech about

how I was going to miss everything...

I'll let you come

and see how I die so you can

take notes and use it

for your own death.

But you've got to put my name

in acknowledgments.

In what?

The bit where you thank

all the people who've helped you...

I thank Felix Stranger

for letting me take notes

while he kicked the bucket.

You're mad.

Would you let somebody take notes

while you were dying?

I don't intend to let anybody else be there.

It will just be me on my own.

I know.

You can do a kind of questionnaire

for your parents to fill in.

Sam's death was:

A Peaceful, B Horrible,

C We don't know,

we'd were at the chip shop.

You're mad.

Maybe it's a bit macabre,

but it's still funny to think

of my mum and dad filling

in a questionnaire

like that at the kitchen table.

When you die, I'm going

to collect the royalties of your book

and go on a cruise of the Caribbean.

This is another true story.

At least that's what my grandmother says,

and she never lies... almost never.

The other day you asked me

if I believe in ghosts...

well one night I saw one.

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