We Were Here Page #5

this is all I can afford.

Can you put some

flowers in it, or?..."

You know, and I did that.

And i, you know,

it was never about money.

It was about love,

you know.

It was about these people.

Not letting my friends down.

You know, just helping them

to the other side.

Mm.

- Today I have ordered

the closure.

Of 14 commercial

establishments.

Which promote and profit

from the spread of aids.

- There was a broad view

That there was

a sexual transmission component.

Of the disease.

So here we are debating

how do we continue to have sex...

How do we continue

to love each other...

How do we continue to be...

To pursue the dream of the

community that we want to have.

In the midst of this plague...

And so then

comes the discussion...

Well, the government.

Would like to shut down

some institutions...

And some of these are old,

core institutions...

Which is the bath houses.

There's always

been bath houses.

They precede the gay community

as we know it...

Where gay people would go

and meet and have sex...

And some people thought

that was a good idea...

The bath houses are run by

irresponsible business owners.

Who are... Just don't care

about the pandemic.

And are ripping people off...

And other people thought

this is a dangerous precedent.

That your friend

the government.

Would like to shut down

these institutions.

Is that... That okay with you?

The majority

of the community.

Felt that we were in

a crisis right now...

And the baths

needed to be shut down.

And a lot of people

were very afraid of it...

And so the community divided.

And, to some degree...

A split also between

the women's community...

The lesbian community,

and gay men...

Where gay men kept being

controversial to a degree...

By insisting

on having as much sex

In as many places

as they were doing...

And the women's community.

Was, you know,

to some degree saying...

You know,

we don't know...

This is not the commu...

This is not the core

definitions of the community.

That we think the community

should be fighting over.

We don't think

the central battles.

Of glbt liberation

should be about, you know...

Public sex, for example.

We think there should be

a broader discussion.

So it was a high,

high tension debate.

- Since I did sit on the corner

for 28 years...

I just saw the progression

of people, you know...

So scary just to,

all of a sudden, you know...

They'd be walking

down the street...

And then the next time

you see them...

They would be

walking with a cane...

Or they'd be in a wheelchair.

And that was devastating to...

"Oh, I remember him. "

- Here's the gay community...

Which,

for better or for worse...

Is very concerned

with appearances...

And here comes this disease

that manifests itself.

And destroys

your physical appearance.

It's the first thing it does...

Whether it's ks or wasting.

I mean, people were just

losing many, many pounds...

And people...

It looked...

People... It looked like,

you know...

We were living

in a concentration camp.

I mean, people were just

losing so much weight.

In their faces

and their bodies.

You know, a third of their

body weight very, very quickly.

Mysteriously.

They didn't know what was...

You know, what part

of the disease was causing it.

Um, so it was these

very physical manifestations.

That were horrifying to people...

And were very scary to people...

And if you...

Especially if you had aids...

And then you saw somebody

who was much worse off than you...

You almost had to turn away.

It was just...

It was too scary.

I was losing all the fat

in my face and my butt...

And everywhere...

And I would walk

by a store window

And see myself in the window,

and just jump.

It's like,

"who is that?"

Um, and I remember

my mother saying...

"Couldn't you

stand on your head...

"And make some of the stuff

flow down to your face?

You got nothing on your... "

You know, "you're just...

You're skin and bones. "

- The aids epidemic allowed me

to move into the community.

In a very powerful way.

And, in fact, in many ways...

I began to thrive.

Because it was, like,

being in the army.

Like, I was really,

for the first time...

Other than being

super involved in my family...

I was involved

in something else.

Like, I rolled up

my sleeves, and...

...i wanted to be

a part of this.

The aids ward was a...

It was a terrible and beautiful

place at the same time.

My primary role was to be one of

the shanti counselors there...

Which was someone

who was trained.

To be able to sit.

And be and witness

and have conversations.

And support people

through their process there.

I worked with people there.

Who were, like,

18 years old.

We had people there

who were in their '60s.

But in general they were

sexually active gay men.

People were coming

into the hospital.

With diseases like

toxoplasmosis...

Which you can get from a potted

plant or a canary cage.

I mean, people were

extremely susceptible.

To any number of things.

So there had to be, like,

a controlled environment.

There was this idea that

we were there to cure and heal...

And... And not

to minimize any of that...

But... But really, back then...

What were people were doing is...

They were dying of aids...

And we were trying to help them

as best we could.

You could go a couple days...

And, um, no one would die.

And then, in one day, like,

six people would die.

We saw many

lover couples come in.

One would die.

The other, you know,

partner would be there...

Go through the whole process...

Some time would pass...

And then the next lover

would come in.

There was a mom

who came to 5-A...

And one... Two... Three times...

She lost her boys there.

I would stand in the hallway...

A gay man myself

in my mid 30s...

Visiting and talking

to a mother and father.

Who had just stepped out

of a room...

Who had just found out

that their son had pneumocystis.

And had three months to live,

or whatever...

And the father

would stand there and go...

"You know...

"it's harder for me to find out

that my son is a fag.

Than to find out

that he's gonna be dying soon. "

And there I would be, like,

trying to comfort him.

- When steve died,

my friends were there for me.

I felt so supportive.

My family was very...

Very much there for me.

Also, I had other friends

who were sick...

And so i...

It pulled me out of myself...

'Cause I could go

help take care of them.

I mean,

i think I mentioned peter...

Who was one of my

dearest friends.

He's one of the first

people I met.

When I moved to san francisco.

He was tall and handsome...

And grew up

in a trailer park...

And he was... He used

to keep these diaries...

And he always wanted them

published after he died.

As diaries of an

illiterate homosexual.

Peter was such an original.

He was just amazing.

He died two weeks

after steve.

He had moved

back here to die.

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