We Were Here Page #9

Memorializing their friends

and children and lovers.

It was a creative, positive way

to focus their grief...

Then sew it all together...

And make a powerful,

political statement.

- When they went to washington

and unfolded those blankets...

It was like,

you know, to me...

Lotus flower after lotus flower

after lotus flower...

And each petal was a person,

you know?

And it was so powerful.

It was so powerful.

You didn't even

have to say anything.

The tears would just come.

- How are you?

- I'm good.

Nervous, but good.

- Sure.

Results are negative.

- Okay. Good.

- Good.

- Good.

- I still wanted

to be involved.

After my work

in the hospital...

It was fairly easy

for me to translate...

Take those skills...

And move into working

in testing clinics...

And working with people

who are at risk for hiv...

As well as occasionally

having to tell people.

That they were infected.

- When the test occurred...

One of the main

things we could do.

Is figure out how

we're doing on prevention...

And we were able

to turn that around...

So the likelihood that more and

more people were being infected.

Had... Had been changed.

So less despair.

Less sense of absolute crisis.

We're now

getting into a sense of.

Maybe there's

a place to go here.

- Some things

seemed to be working.

I'm not saying

that there was a cure...

But there was a slow down.

You know, people weren't

dropping like flies anymore.

Some people were, uh,

hanging on.

There was this one guy.

He was in a wheelchair.

He used to come

by in a bicycle...

And then

he was in a wheelchair...

And then he had a patch

over his eye...

And I really hated

to look at him...

Because I remember

when this guy.

Used to come by on his bicycle.

And buy flowers for his sister...

And we would just laugh

and everything...

And I couldn't

laugh at him anymore...

Because he was coming by

in a wheelchair...

And it was like he was

almost on his way out...

And I just thought,

"god, where are you?

Look at what's happening. "

And he was one of the first.

Who the next time I saw him...

He wasn't in a wheelchair.

He was walking.

He had a cane.

And then the next

time I saw him...

He didn't have that

eye patch on anymore.

And then,

hey, I swear to you...

Yesterday,

i saw him at my flower stand.

On his bicycle.

And he was back.

He wasn't back like he was

in the beginning...

But, you know, I'm not the way

i was 20 years ago either...

But he was there, and he had

gone through the storm...

And he had

weathered the storm...

And his spirit was just

as bright and effervescent.

As it was in the beginning.

- The washington post

came out with a headline...

And it showed death from aids...

And it was a graph

going down.

And it basically said

"cocktail proves effective.

Against hiv aids. "

This means that aids work

as we know it is transformed.

- I remember my friend ben

saying in the old days.

That he would never

go to costco.

And buy one of those

big things of toilet paper...

'Cause he didn't think

he'd ever use it all up...

And now he can.

That's the difference.

I would never take a commission.

More than five

or six months out...

'Cause I didn't think

i'd be able to finish it.

Now I'll take a commission

that's, you know, a year out.

And now I have

a partner to my love...

And whom I hope to be with.

For a very, very long time...

And so I'm imagining a future.

I'm allowing myself

to imagine a future.

And that's...

That's scary too.

There's still... I mean,

i can feel it right now.

There's, like,

butterflies in my stomach...

'Cause, like, I'm hoping.

I'm feeling that hope again.

And I could lose it.

And I have

to remember that.

'Cause, you know,

you get sick, and bam.

You just sink

right down again.

- My friend john

who has studied buddhism.

Talks about

this metaphor of people.

Who have been through

some huge experience of loss...

Who cannot find their way back,

if you will...

To the land of the living.

But they still walk the earth.

Hungry.

Hungry for connection.

Hungry for some way to regain

a sense of life and balance...

And that... I do...

When I walk through

the castro sometimes...

I see... I see people who

haven't been able to do that...

And that's something that could

have easily happened to me...

And that I could have,

you know...

Become one of those

hungry ghosts...

And, luckily, for me...

...it changed.

I met someone.

And I encountered life again.

Here was this man

walking down the street...

And thank god I got it together,

and I said hello.

And he's younger than me.

Like,

much younger than me.

And it's been a powerful,

powerful experience.

To love and be

very close to someone.

Who's younger than me

who did not have.

The experience that I had

with the aids epidemic.

And all that terrible loss...

And go on with my life

having that inside me...

And it not be

the all-Consuming...

...experience that I had had.

And as much

as I think about my father.

And what he went through

in the war...

I don't want, like,

my war to do to me.

What it did to him.

- In january of 2007,

i became the executive director.

Of the glbt historical society

in san francisco.

And, uh,

and it surprised me.

That basically

the conversation about aids.

That i'd been having

for so many years.

Wasn't still going on

in that group...

Or in the community... The glbt

community of san francisco.

Because, for me,

it had continued...

'Cause I was doing

international aids work.

And working with aids groups.

So suddenly no one

was talking about aids.

There weren't people with aids.

Who everyone was sort of...

If they were around,

they were...

Took me a while to figure out

who they were...

And, uh, an entire,

you know, part of, uh...

...how I had perceived

the community had changed.

- I don't have to worry

when I'm old...

You know,

and looking back at my life.

That I didn't do anything.

And in terms of my politics...

This was the thing

that I got to do the most.

Without all these people

participating.

In these clinical trials...

We would not be

where we are today.

And I really wish.

That some of them

were around today.

To see where we are.

Because... I don't know.

They just gave a lot.

- This tragedy,

it taught us how to be humble.

It taught us

how to be honest.

It taught us how to...

To love.

In spite of what's

at the end of the tunnel.

You know, how to be

a little bit more considerate.

Of another person.

It... It showed us

how to find spirituality.

It taught me.

I can only speak for myself.

It taught me

how to find my spirit...

And how to, you know...

Make my flame brighter.

- You know, it's, like,

the aids epidemic is not over.

I still have friends

who are living with hiv.

Every once in a while,

someone I know becomes infected.

I mean, it continues.

What has stopped continuing...

At least in san francisco

and in most of the...

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