Weather Girl Page #5

you know?

This whole sister thing's

kind of cool.

She--

It's this whole other person

That kind of knows

everything about you.

She's been there

for all of these

Really important moments

in your life,

These rearing moments.

And you know, I think that it's

a pretty important relationship

That--

- Byron.

- Okay, listen,

I'm not questioning your love

For your sister here at all,

okay?

I'm in absolute reverence of it,

But the fact is, she's a girl.

No, she's a girl

that just got dumped, okay?

Maybe cut her a little slack.

- Shut up, dude.

- Fair enough.

- I think Byron's got

a thing for you.

- Yeah, I know.

He told me.

- What are you, uh,

What are you all done up for?

- Well, I have a date.

I got a job today,

And you know,

I thought i'd treat myself.

- Treat yourself?

Who are you going

to treat yourself with?

- You're gonna make Byron

jealous.

[Knocking at door]

- Go.

- Byron!

- Right now.

Right now.

- Oh, I got her.

- Oh, God, Walt!

Ow!

- Yes?

- Uh, is Sylvia here?

- Sylvia?

Hmm.

And who can I tell her

is calling?

- Charles.

- Ow. Ow. Ow.

- Charles, you sure?

- Get off of me.

- Sylvia, Charles is here.

- Charles is here!

Charles!

I am Walt,

Sylvia's brother and guardian.

I have heard so much

about you.

- She just raves on and on.

- We hear you are

quite the lover.

- Top drawer, old man.

Top drawer.

- Stop it.

Hi, Charles, sorry.

I'm Sylvia.

Nice to meet you.

Pay no attention to the morons

in the doorway.

[Sighing]

- It's, uh, nice to meet you

too, Sylvia.

Wow, you are just as beautiful

as you are on tv.

- Mm, isn't she just?

- Just an image of loveliness.

- Let's go.

- Hey, don't you get fresh

with her, now.

No means no, suit man.

- Who was that guy?

- Hmm.

Fire escape?

- Fire escape.

- I'm so sorry about them

up there.

- Oh, that's okay.

Men like to bust each others'

balls on occasion,

But you know,

I can dish it out myself.

- Oh, I bet.

- So this is me.

She's a beauty, isn't she?

- Charles, can I just say

nice ride?

Classy yet understated.

- What's the gas mileage

on something like that?

I'm just curious

because you know

That we do have a responsibility

to the planet.

- You know what?

You know what?

Cut him some slack, Byron.

That thing's a p*ssy magnet,

am I right, huh?

- Can we go, please?

- Charles, buddy,

am I right?

Those seats have seen

a little action.

- He's being coy.

Come on.

- Oh, there it is.

- All right.

- Who let the dog out?

- "Who let the dog out"?

- So is it weird

to be a celebrity?

- Oh, I'm not really

a celebrity.

- You totally are.

I mean, look, it's like everyone

here is staring at us.

We're just, you know...

gives me goose pimples.

- Okay.

- So what would you like

to do next?

Talk show?

Talk show.

I bet you would be

great in that.

Um, uh, like the, uh,

like the--The Sally Jessy

But--But you know, hot.

[Laughter]

- I don't know.

You know, I'm sort of exploring

my options right now, I guess.

- Can I be honest with you

about something?

- Sure.

- Emily told me about

your walls.

- M-M-My walls?

What?

- The walls built around this.

Right here.

Well, well, guess what?

Guess what, kid?

I've got them too.

And they are tall

and, you know, made of stone.

But, uh, since I met you,

Sylvia,

You have torn down my walls.

- Oh.

[Stammers]

I didn't mean to.

- You know, and I think

I see that yours

are tumbling as well.

Am I right?

Okay, okay, okay.

Let's just--Let's just get down

to business, Sylvia.

I want to fast-track this thing.

I want a family:

A wife, two kids,

a boy and a girl,

Lucius and ariel.

I want to sell my townhouse

and get a real home,

A home with a woman's touch.

- Okay, now you're just

scaring me.

- Yeah, that's--

That's what I'm saying.

I'm saying, you know,

the future is scary.

But not if you've got

someone to hold.

Okay, what I need

is someone to complement me.

I want my friends

to look at my girl

And say, "Whoa, look at that

hot babe with the 'c' man."

Yeah, you know?

- Yeah, yeah,

yeah, you know,

I think we might be looking

for different things, Charles.

- [Chuckles]

Let's not be coy here.

Neither one of us are kids.

I know what I want,

and I'm putting it out there.

Do you know what you want?

- Hey.

- [Gasps]

Jesus.

Again?

- Sorry.

Good date?

- [Sighs]

Well, yeah, he did propose.

He's also probably the creepiest

person on the planet, so...

- that's so weird.

I mean, it seemed like

you guys were such a good match.

So did the two of you do it?

- [Giggles]

No.

All right, I am going to bed.

- I don't get it.

- Get what?

- I mean, I just don't get

how you could go out

On some dumb date

with some dumb guy

When it's so clear

that I have a thing for you.

I mean, if you want to,

you know,

Get married or move in

with someone

Then you're probably

barking up the wrong tree,

But I do think

I'm a pretty good rebound guy.

- Mm, and you are offering

your services to me.

- Yeah,

something like that.

But I just think

that I am exactly what you need

At this crossroads

in your life.

- Do you?

Wow, you're really

fond of yourself, aren't you?

- Oh, come on.

Give me a break.

You're in love with yourself.

You think you might be,

Like, the most awesome

person ever.

- Okay, how old are you?

- 30.

Next year.

- Hmm, okay, well,

Let me tell you something,

You don't know me.

You don't know anything

about me,

And you certainly don't know

what I need in my life.

- Mm-Hmm.

You know what I like

about you best?

- I don't care.

- You're difficult.

- Oh.

- And you're very sexy

But in this foreign film

kind of way

With the angles

and the attitude.

I dig it.

- [Sighs]

Go home, Byron.

[Door clatters open]

You know, you don't

not have a point.

- Everybody needs a rebound guy.

- I mean, you know,

why do I need

To audition men for it

when I know exactly what I need?

- That is exactly my point.

- Somebody who's uncomplicated,

convenient,

Totally wrong for me,

and somebody who I could never

In, like, a million years

have any real feelings for.

- Except for the ravenous

animal attraction.

- No obligations.

No complications.

No expectations.

- That's pretty much

how I live my life.

So...

- okay, um,

raise your right hand.

- Raise?

Okay.

- Okay, repeat after me.

I, Byron...

- oh, wow, you don't even

know my last name?

Okay, that's great.

- I, Byron, promise to never

fall in love with Sylvia,

No matter how awesome

she may be.

- I, Byron, promise that

if one of us breaks this deal,

It's not gonna be me.

- Oh, it's not gonna be me.

- Yes, it is.

- No, it's not.

- Yep.

- Okay, you gonna kiss me,

or you gonna be clever?

- I'm going to kiss you.

- Okay, soon, you think?

- I'm just building

the tension--

- Oh, my God.

- let's have some fun

you can make,

make, make, make

[Metal crashes]

- Wow, okay.

[Objects crashing]

Wait, hold on, okay.

[Loud crashing]

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