Wedding Daze

I Iove Iove

I Iove being in Iove

I don't care what it does to me

Sing I Iove Iove

I Iove being in Iove

I don't care what it does to me

I Iove Iove

I Iove being in Iove

I don't care what it does to me

These piIIs are fine to pass

the time 'tiI I find my new drug

We'II take our chances we'II Iast a month

We'II never speak again

How I Iove being in Iove

May I heIp you?

Huh? No.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

I'm just browsing.

- Thank you.

- So Iet me guess.

Big night tonight?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

Yeah, actuaIIy. ActuaIIy, the biggest.

- ReaIIy?

- Yeah.

- Menage a trois?

- Pardon me?

I'm kidding.

Oh, a menage a trois.

French for, ''Who's that dude?''

So you're Iooking for

something for your girI?

WeII, not just any girI, okay?

The most. . .

The most beautifuI and incredibIe

and amazing and. . .

WeII, girI I've ever met.

Okay. WeII, if you have any

questions, my name is CIaire.

Okay. ActuaIIy, yeah.

Does this come in red?

- I can check.

- AIso, CIaire, does it come any Iarger?

Much, much Iarger.

Oh, no.

Hey. Is she in there?

- Yeah, she's in there.

- Good.

How do I Iook?

I see your baIIs.

Are you crazy?

Come here. Come here. Up here, up.

- What's the matter with you?

- What?

This? This is the big idea?

Yeah. Yeah. She's gonna Iove it.

- She's gonna hate it.

- She's gonna Iove it.

- No, she's gonna hate it.

- Love it.

No, she's gonna hate it more

than I hate it, and I reaIIy hate it.

You know what your probIem is, Ted?

You just. . .

You don't understand true Iove.

Oh, and you do?

I understand that there's a girI

that I Iove waiting for me in there.

And you know what? She Ioves me, too.

I stiII see baIIs.

Can I get you a drink whiIe

you wait for your friend?

HopefuIIy, in a man's Iife,

you do this one time.

WeII, I want my one

time to be unforgettabIe.

I want tonight to be a story Vanessa

and me wiII be teIIing our grandkids.

You aImost done with that baby oiI?

Yeah. That's it.

Get it in there. Soak those abs.

- I'm gonna kiII you.

- ( SIGHI NG ) Thanks, buddy.

- What's up, Iadies?

- Oh, goodness.

There you go, beautifuI.

I brought you some c-rations on the house.

Some what?

Oh, sorry. That's SpeciaI Forces taIk.

Are you in the SpeciaI Forces?

That's not something

I'm at Iiberty to discuss.

(EX CLAI MI NG )

Anderson, I seII cars.

My job is to cIose a deaI.

- Trust me. This is not gonna cIose a deaI.

- Give me the ring, Ted.

No. I can't Iet you do this.

- Give me the ring!

- No.

- Give me the ring, now!

- No.

Give me the ring!

Just give me the ring! I just want the ring!

I've got to propose!

Okay. Hey, watch the wings!

Watch the wings!

I'm not gonna Iie to you, Vanessa.

SpeciaI Ops,

it's a deadIy game.

But as a very brave

person once remarked,

''Life is either daring or it's nothing.''

Do you know who that brave person was?

My personaI hero, HeIen KeIIer.

HeIen KeIIer.

Excuse me, Vanessa.

I think tabIe 1 6 needs more garIic knots.

Ladies and gentIemen, may I

have your attention, pIease?

I am Cupid, god of Iove.

Dear God!

Shooter! Shooter! We got a shooter!

Down! Everybody, down!

Down! Down!

( GROANS )

( GRUNTI NG )

Anderson!

You know this perp?

He's my boyfriend.

I didn't know you had a boyfriend.

Anderson, get up! Get up!

You couId have gotten yourseIf kiIIed!

Vanessa, I . . .

I wrote you a poem.

(PEOPLE EX CLAI MI NG )

''I am Cupid, god of Iove

''I come from skies far above

''Bringing Iove to aII I see

''Now I have found some Iove for me''

Fag.

''And so I get on bended knee

''To ask, Vanessa, wiII you marry me?''

(PEOPLE EX CLAI MI NG )

( APPLAUDI NG )

( GROANI NG )

Vanessa?

WOMAN:
Oh, my God. She's. . .

Nessy?

I stopped to think about

the bad times that I've had

It puts a smiIe on my face

CurIed up with nothing to do

Why is the sun aIways out

when I'm feeIing bIue?

It must be you

Oh, it must be you

It must be you

Oh, it must be you

When I took my first drink of aIcohoI

I saw the AngeI of Death

fIoating over us aII

With a smiIe on my face

I just wept

How does a grown man

Iaugh in the face of death?

It must be you

Oh, it must be you

( SIGHS )

( SQ UEAKI NG )

( SNI FFS )

( SQ UEAKS )

Hey, you hungry?

Did I ever teII you what she smeIIed Iike?

- What?

- Dew drops.

- She was perfect.

- Nobody's perfect.

- She was perfect.

- Nobody's perfect.

Okay. Like, you know how most

peopIe have wrinkIy knees?

Okay? Hers were perfectIy

smooth, Iike biIIiard baIIs.

- You know what I used to caII her?

- What?

- BiIIiard baII knees.

- You know what might be fun?

Not taIking about your dead girIfriend.

Huh?

I stiII see her sometimes.

- Here?

- Just forget it.

You know, I'd Iike to, Anderson,

I reaIIy wouId,

but you won't shut up about it.

She's been dead twice as Iong

as you knew her. Get over it.

- I'm sorry, ''Get over it''?

- Yeah.

How do you get over perfection?

How do you get over perfection?

You Iook around.

Maybe there's another

perfect somebody out there.

Here we go.

- WOMAN:
Don't taIk to him Iike that.

- Eat that goddamn spaghetti.

This is just what the

therapist was taIking about.

MAN:
We're wasting enough

money on that therapist.

WOMAN:
I don't beIieve you.

MAN:
Who wanted to come here? Not me.

(EX CLAI MS )

I am so sorry. What did you just do?

WOMAN:
What did you do?

Satisfied? I Iooked around.

I'm just saying,

don't throw your whoIe Iife away

'cause you kiIIed your girIfriend.

- Fiancee.

- TechnicaIIy, she never said yes.

Anyway, I don't know if you're

gonna find anyone eIse

whose butt smeIIs Iike

gumdrops or whatever,

but I know you won't unIess you try.

So is that it? Is that it, huh?

You want me to try?

One time. That's aII I'm saying.

- One time. I try, you get off my back.

- You have my soIemn word.

Fine.

Fine, Ted. I'II try. I'II try.

Hey. Can I get you guys anything eIse?

( SI NGI NG SOFTLY)

That's what I'm taIking about.

Back on the horse.

Is there anything eIse I can get for you?

WiII you marry me?

Excuse me?

WiII you marry me?

LOIS:
Stuart, you're fIapping. . .

AII right. Pigs? Three IittIe pigs?

A banjo? And piggies?

DeIiverance!

- Oh, my gosh! Like a machine.

- Oh, man.

- Oh, my God. Oh, you guys are so fast.

- That was great.

Okay. It's my turn, and

this is a reaIIy good one.

So I need you aII to pay attention.

EspeciaIIy you, mon amour.

(FRENCH ACCENT)

Give me the IittIe hand.

- Isn't he the cutest thing ever?

- Hey, I resent that.

Isn't it getting kind of Iate, you guys?

Oh, what's the matter, CindereIIa?

You're not gonna turn

into a pumpkin, are you?

Do I know how to push

her buttons, or what?

I am pushing your buttons.

Honey, do your charade, okay?

I have to get up earIy tomorrow.

Aye, aye, Captain. Okay.

Oh, wait. We can't do this. . .

Incoming.

Here we go. Last one.

(I NHALI NG DEEPLY)

- Four words. First word.

- Four words. First word.

- Me. . . Me. . .

- Shazam.

WiIIiam! WiIIiam! Shorter. WiIIie. WiII !

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