Wedding Present Page #2

"Believe It Or Else Not. "

I'll bet she gives the Duke

four stars.

Sit down, sweetheart,

and let your arteries harden.

Two to one, it's a stooge.

Please, be patient.

His Highness, the Archduke Gustav

Ernest, will see you presently.

Well, what's

His Highness doing?

He's getting a high,

I'll bet.

What'd I tell you?

What'd I tell you?

But soon it will all be over,

Your Highness.

Miss Mainwaring's reception

and then the wedding,

and then...

Yes, and then...

Your Highness.

If you could only get those terrible

newspaper people out of the next room!

Wherever I go, they follow me

with their terrible questions!

If this is

a democratic country,

why doesn't the Archduke

have rights like other people?

Oh, Your Highness,

my name is Mason.

I'm the Assistant

Hotel Manager.

I don't care who you are.

This is Miss Fleming,

my... my assistant.

Oh, so...

You have a charming assistant,

Mr. Assistant Manager.

Yes, well, what I really

came for was to apologize

for the way the newspaper

people have been bothering you.

I think we can prevent that

in future.

You see, I have charge of

our relations with the Press.

Now, if you gave me

an interview,

I could send it out to all the papers

at once and spare you this annoyance.

But your American interviews,

I do not understand.

Oh, it's very simple, really.

Nothing to it.

Suppose we demonstrate.

You be a visiting prince

and I'll interview you.

All right, shoot.

Your Highness, what do you

think of our American women?

Ah, charming! But charming!

How does it feel

to fall out of love?

What do you mean? With whom?

With me, darling.

I never have.

Never have what?

Fallen in or out?

Pardon me, Your Highness.

My... my assistant was

just having her little joke.

Go on.

I'm beginning to enjoy this.

You're supposed to be

a prince, sap,

and you're supposed to be engaged

to Miss Mainwaring. Do you love her?

Ah, I refuse to answer on the

ground it would incriminate me.

Go on.

Your Highness,

what do you think of

the international situation?

Ah, charming!

Suppose I were to tell Your Highness

that while you're sitting here

waiting to be third-degreed by

a bunch of newspaper hoodlums,

that there's life, fun and gaiety

to be found in this town of Chicago?

What does Your Highness

say to that? Oh...

You must excuse

His Highness.

He's a little stupid, but a nice

fellow when you get to know him.

Maybe you'd rather sit here,

you mug,

but I know a little restaurant

that gets its brew from Pilsen,

and its pastry cook

comes from Bavaria.

And Tyrolean music.

Tyrolean music!

Oh, approach me to it.

You are saving my life.

But, Your Highness,

the newspapermen.

Well, we'll draw up a

statement while we're eating,

and when we get back, we can give

it to the newspaper people and...

Exactly. Winternitz, what

would I do if I stayed here?

You'd walk up and down and think. Good.

You walk up and down and think.

No, just walk up and down.

Once again in English,

just for us foreigners, huh?

Oh, sure.

Again, boys.

Foreigners.

Is this not

a carving bench?

Yes, this is a carving bench

Is this not

a monkey wrench?

Yes, this is a monkey wrench

Is this not

a horse's neck?

Yes, this is a horse's neck

Pretty cow, monkey wrench

Oh, you lovely carving bench

Mustache cup, little pup

Mackintosh, Monday wash

Fish's head, downy bed

Bike for two, lady's shoe

Oscar, stop the horses.

We got to go home.

Why, the night is only just

beginning to commence.

At 3:
00 in the morning,

he commences.

Never mind, boys, my Uncle

Archiedukie is like that.

Go home to your wives.

But I don't want to go home.

I want to put wings on the horses

and fly to greet the sunrise.

What do your horses say

to that, Oscar?

My horses, they are yours.

I only got to deliver

these empties to the brewery.

No. Unless you can think of something

what topples all the rest, we go home.

Can you?

I can.

Two blocks ahead, Oscar,

then turn to the left,

then straight ahead

till you get to the beach.

Giddyap, Daisy.

Giddyap, Lulu.

Whoa! Wait a minute!

To the beach at this hour?

Sure, I'm taking you

to Gordon Blaker's house.

Just as I thought.

Nothing doing!

Who is this Mr. Blaker?

What makes Charlie so jealous?

He's an aviator who's been

giving me flying lessons.

In return for which he gets

his stupid picture in the paper.

He's a cheap publicity hound!

Not a cheap one, darling.

He has a nice

new $10,000 airplane.

We're going to wake him up,

go to the field

and then really fly

to greet that sunrise.

What do you say, Archie?

Me, I say yiddgap, Daisy!

Yiddgap, Lulu!

It's two against one, mister!

Giddyap, Daisy! Giddyap, Lulu!

Sorry,

but there's nobody home.

Oh, that guy's probably at a

masquerade, dressed up as an aviator.

Come on, let's go.

No.

I will sit a while and ride

this chair into the dawn.

Oh, I am happy,

so happy I could cry.

When I get to my hotel

tonight, I will cry.

Never have I seen

a night so beautiful.

Rusty and Charlie,

you are my favorite Americans.

Thanks, Archie.

You're our favorite Archduke.

When you are married

you must come to my country

and I will show it to you

as you have shown me Chicago.

Married?

Well, we're almost married, Archie,

and we want to stay that way.

Rusty, if ever I go haywire

again and ask you to marry me,

will you promise

to smack me down?

I'd think of that all by

myself. It's a promise.

This I do not understand.

What is it you are afraid of?

In the first place,

I'm afraid that Rusty and I

would be strangled in red tape,

routine, system, everything we hate.

In the second place, I'm afraid

of being a responsible citizen.

In the third place,

I'm afraid...

I'm afraid the gentleman's

afraid and so am I.

Of what?

Of driving each other crazy.

Oh!

But yours is a divine madness.

Believe me, it is only together that

you are Rusty, and you are Charlie.

You are like two parts

of a Seidlitz powder.

Separated, there is no...

No sparkle.

And no headaches.

The time has come to tell you

the facts of life, Archie.

We're newspapermen.

What?

But don't worry.

No, you're a regular guy and

we won't print a line about you

if you don't want us to.

Newspapermen.

Oh, you scoundlers!

But I love you.

You have made me young again.

Newspapermen!

Listen, you two scoundlers. I will

give you a story for your paper.

Maybe you think tomorrow I

am going to get married, yes?

Uh-huh. I do not marry Miss Mainwaring.

My royal family

does not permit this marriage.

What?

That will be for your paper,

what you call a swoop.

When did you get

that message?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow I get it. First I

cable my family to send it.

You don't by any chance

mean that?

I mean it... and how!

What's gotten into you,

Archie?

This night I have seen two

young people together laughing.

I say to myself, "That is the

real thing. That is love. "

And then, the two young people who

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