Weekend Page #2

(Window slams shut)

(Glen laughs)

- Ooh, it's cold out there.

- Sorry, what... what was that?

That was fun.

They're gonna f***ing chuck

bricks through my windows.

You live 14 flights up.

"I'm going to rape your holes"?

(Laughs) F***ing hell.

Who says that? Who...

And, erm... Yeah, we came back

here, didn't we, obviously.

And, er, I offered you

a drink, I think,

although I can't

really remember.

Erm...

And then you kissed me in

the hallway, in my hallway.

- And I groped you.

- Did you?

(Chuckles) And you groped me.

And I was happy to feel

you had a big dick

and it was throbbing

in your trousers,

which was surprising

because you were so drunk.

And then we went

into the bedroom.

Can you remember what

you wanted to happen?

Mmm, nope.

What about when I

took your top off?

Nope.

I wanted to lick your pits.

I've got a thing about pits.

- Come on, lift up.

- No.

- Let me have a see.

- No.

Come on.

- No!

- Why not?

- Cos it's weird.

- It's not weird.

- Yes, it is, it's weird.

- Let me have a look.

No.

You're pathetic.

Stingy b*tch, open up.

All right.

I'll show you, OK?

But don't touch my pits.

- God, what is this, a museum?

(Laughs)

Open!

OK.

See? Very nice.

Good amount of hair.

And then, er, you

started to jack me off.

- No, I didn't.

- Yeah, you did.

- Nope. I didn't.

- I thought you were too drunk to remember.

We were in the hallway

and we were kissing,

and like you said, you

took my shirt off.

Erm...

I remember that because

I was really sweaty

and I was worried that I was

going to be all smelly.

- You were fine.

- Good. Thank you.

- Then what?

- Erm...

OK, then you started kissing my

ears and then you kissed my neck

and then you kissed my...

then you kissed my

hand, which was...

Yeah.

Did you wish my cock was bigger?

No.

Have you had many cut c*cks?

Why do you ask that?

I couldn't work out

if you were...

pretending to be the type of

boy who didn't suck many c*cks

or you...

you actually were that type of boy.

And this is what you were thinking

about, is it, when we were having sex?

What about when I was

playing with your arsehole?

- Why do you ask these things?

- Too hard, too soft?

It was fine.

Erm...

- It was too hard, maybe.

- So why didn't you say anything?

And you didn't want

me to f*** you.

No, I didn't.

Why?

- Just because.

- You're not into the...

It's not that, it's just...

Would it have made

you feel too gay?

In fact, are you actually out?

- Yes.

- Are you sure about that?

I just thought that we were

having a really nice time

and it was lovely, it was

more than enough for me,

so, erm, sorry, Glen, if

I don't make your grade.

- How do you save it?

- Er...

You've done it, that's fine.

(Door opening)

So, then.

(Woman) Did you have a

good time last night?

(Man) Last night

was sweet, yeah.

Well, it was a delight to meet you.

And you really do have a lovely home.

Thank you.

(Lift doors clunking) (Man

and woman chatting quietly)

(Man) See you soon.

(Man) Queer!

(Sighs) F*** it.

(Alarm sounding)

Ain't looking like a big boy now though, cos

that b*tch ain't even clean downstairs,

I don't want to tell you the destruction

that was going on down there.

(Man) Really?

- It weren't clean! (Groans)

Anyhow, I'm thinking, "What can I do?

What can I do? What can I do?"

I'm like, "All right, I'm not gonna get

hard, f*** it, I'll use the finger."

Turn the lights off, and start thinking

of something nice while I finger her,

get f***ing squelching it down, I

might be able to get hard later.

Got two fingers, like

the scissor thing,

three fingers, four fingers,

got my f***ing whole

hand in like that.

F***ing jab her and that.

Aargh, get in there, you bastard!

- Anyway, I didn't f***ing shag her.

- I was gonna say, what the f***, like?

F***in' hell, he's on

his phone, isn't he?

Who are you f***ing talking to?

You get lucky as well, did you, son?

- No, no.

- No? Ah, he's a f***ing shy one, isn't he?

Don't worry, it weren't Becky.

It weren't Becky.

You can f***ing have her, mate.

Bring your rubber gloves next time

and we'll f***ing go twos up, eh?

- Do the David Seaman on her.

- Shut up!

(Women chatting and laughing)

(Glen) Afternoon.

(Glen chuckles)

There you go, you might need it.

- Cheers.

- That's all right.

Chin-chin.

What a beauty.

Thank you.

I got it in a charity shop for,

like, 3 quid, it was a bargain.

(Glen) So, do you

enjoy your job?

(Russell) Yeah, it's all right.

(Glen) There's nothing wrong with

being a lifeguard, you know.

I didn't say there was.

I'm just saying.

I was in the swimming team

with one of my schools, so...

- You ever save anyone's life?

- Yeah.

Really?

- Yeah. (Laughs)

What's funny about that?

I've saved loads of people's lives.

Old people mainly, but I've been a

lifeguard for years, so it's...

Someone drowned once.

- I was off duty though, so...

- Oh, shame.

Yeah, I know.

(Glen coughing)

F*** me!

You all right?

You need to stop smoking, mate.

It's all right, I'll get

you a free day pass.

This is a nice place

you've brought me to.

So what do you do now?

I can't really remember, sorry.

- I work in the gallery in town.

- That's right, I remember.

Have you ever been?

No. That's the ugly one, right?

- Do you like art?

- Yeah.

It doesn't matter if you don't.

No, I like art. Just because I haven't

been to a gallery doesn't mean I don't.

(Glen) Have you travelled much?

No, not really.

- Have you ever been to America?

- No, I'd like to though.

Listen, want a backie?

No.

You can't be... No, I can't.

- Come on, put your leg over.

- F***'s sake!

I look like a twat!

- Oh, Jesus. Ah, f***!

(Horn beeps)

You on? OK, put your

arms around my waist.

Come on, there we go.

Do you feel safe?

- No!

- Good.

- You ready?

- This is a bad idea! (Laughing)

- It's a brilliant idea.

(Laughing)

(Horn beeps) - Whoo-ooo!

(Russell) Scream if you

want to go faster!

(Music thudding on car stereo)

I like all your stuff.

Thanks.

Looks like you raided

a charity shop.

Yeah.

I hate new stuff, you know?

(Sliding sounds)

- What are you writing?

- Nothing. (Chuckles)

Like this mug, for example.

This was probably owned by some lovely

little old lady with a moustache.

Mmm.

And she bought it and it was her

favourite thing in the whole wide world,

and then she died, gave

it to her grandchildren,

they hated it, sold it,

then bought an Xbox or a Wii

- or some flat-pack wardrobe from Ikea.

- Mmm.

And now I've got

it, and I like it.

- It's a very costly mug.

- What do you mean?

To be able to buy a Wii...

or an Xbox.

I don't even know how

much those things are.

Do you want milk, sugar?

Yeah, one of those.

OK.

Just got to wait for

the kettle to boil.

Are you hungry?

No.

I've got some nice pitta bread.

I'm fine.

Well, I'm starving, so I'm

going to have to eat.

OK.

I've been thinking about this

morning and your tape thing.

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