Weird Science Page #2

Ha ha ha ha ha!

She's into malacas!

Do you believe that?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

You can

say that again!

Fats, man, let me tell you

my story, man.

Last year,

I was insane for this

crazy little 8th-grade b*tch.

Crazy insane?

Insane?

Crazy?

I was nuts

for the woman, man.

I'm tellin'

the truth here.

I was nuts for the girl.

She had big titties.

She wouldn't have had

to worry about no titties

for the rest of her life.

That's the truth.

I called her every night

for like a month.

Every damn night?

Every night, Mitch.

On the telephone?

What's this boy talkin'

about, on the telephone?

Explain it

to him.

We know

there's a telephone.

But he hung up

on her.

The chick with

those big titties?

You know what

the b*tch did to me?

Lay it on me.

Listen...

She kneed you

in the nuts.

She did what?

B*tch kneed your nuts?

B*tch kneed my nuts!

In the family

jewels?

In the family jewels, man.

Broke my heart in two.

She broke more

than your heart.

Forget

that other one.

You got this fine jewel sitting by you.

Ain't that the truth,

baby?

That's the plain truth!

Party's over.

Party's over,

says the girl.

Here's money for you...

$50 for you,

$50 for you.

I'll bet $5 that boy won't

make it through the club.

Woo, baby

You know I love you

I really shouldn't

be driving.

Listen,

I appreciate it.

I don't feel

like driving.

Okay, forget it.

I'll drive.

Give me the keys!

Will he

be all right?

I warned him about

that blind dog bourbon.

He don't have

a license.

I don't even have

a learner's permit.

Hey, let's scout

another party, man.

What will you

tell Chet about me?

Nothing.

Nothing?

That's not very

realistic, Wyatt.

I'm just trying to

concentrate on the road.

Concentrate harder.

You're running

a red light.

Oh, sh*t!

I hate that stuff!

I never listen to it!

I hate this car!

Are you okay?

My nuts

are halfway up my ass.

Other than that,

I'm perfect.

Think of what

you'll do about Chet.

He's one serious idiot.

You're stewed, butt-wad!

Who, me?

Know what time it is?

Uh, 2:
00?

Time to pay the fiddler.

I was kind of

counting on you

to be human about this.

Here's the

bottom line, Wyatt.

I'm telling Mom and Dad

everything.

And I'm even considering

making up some sh*t.

All right, Chet.

Name your price.

$175 and zero cents,

cash...

New bills,

crisp and clean,

in my wallet by 7 A.M.

Thank you.

Hey, what are

big brothers for?

See you upstairs.

How to be jilted.

Pllllttt.

Shh.

The boozehounds return.

What a joke!

Hi, girls.

Feeling kind of queasy?

How about a nice

greasy pork sandwich

served in

a dirty ashtray?

He pukes, you die.

He's not laughing

at you, Chet.

Yes, I am.

Did you tell Chet about

the woman we made tonight?

He's drunk.

No sh*t.

No sh*t, Chet.

You donkey d*cks couldn't

get laid in a morgue.

You're absolutely right.

You're absolutely

right, Chet.

Hey, Gary.

What?

Ha ha ha ha!

He's an a**hole.

Look at his haircut.

Anybody with

a haircut like that

is an a**hole.

Psst. Lisa.

Where are you?

I'm right behind you.

Surprise!

I won't hurt you.

Your lips feel like

rigor mortis has set in.

Relax a little bit.

I wasn't expecting you

to kiss me.

I mean, I was just...

I was... uh...

Oh

That was better.

Want to try it again?

If you don't mind.

I mean,

yes, please, ma'am.

Oh oh oh oh

Oh

Mmph!

You sure

you're only 15?

I'll be 16 in June.

You made me.

You control me.

What are you

thinking about, huh?

Um...

women's gymnastics.

Well, I don't know.

I'll do my best.

Good.

Oh.

Wyatt, Wyatt,

Wyatt, where are you?

I'm right here, Gary.

What happened?

I don't know.

I think

it was a dream.

What?

Everything...

Last night, Lisa.

It had to be a dream.

We were both in it.

Two people can't have

the same dream.

It had to be a dream.

In your dream,

did I get up in the middle of the night

and yak

in your sink?

Didn't throw up. No.

Maybe it was a dream,

you know...

A very weird, bizarre,

vivid, erotic, wet,

detailed dream.

Maybe we have malaria.

Sh*t.

Gary! Wyatt!

Breakfast.!

I don't

have the bucks

to pay Chet off

about this.

You can't fear Chet

the rest of your life.

Why not?

Please...

I don't know, Wyatt.

I mean, it's seriously

affecting your sex life.

10 seconds into

my gymnastics routine,

you passed out.

You slept.

I did my toes.

By the way,

you're very cute.

We'll try it again

sometime.

Good morning,

turd brain.

Hi, Chet.

You spit in this?

Not that

I'm aware of, no.

Hey, that looks

pretty good.

Now make yourself one,

dick weed.

I like your panties.

It's a joke, Chet.

That's not a joke!

That is a severe

behavioral disorder.

Those are women's

underpants!

Next you'll be wearing

a bra on your head.

The old man's

going to have a stroke.

All right, Chet.

How much?

How much?

This goes way beyond

payment, pal.

Come on, Chet.

Please?

Well...

your VCR

should cover it...

for openers.

Thank you.

For Christ's sakes,

will you cover yourself?

You guys looking for

something for your mom?

I really don't

think so... Sue.

Do you guys have,

uh... girlfriends?

One does not refer to

a 23-year-old woman

as a girlfriend.

Uh, mistress, Gar.

Um, lover.

Sexpot.

She's a sexpot.

You guys are the ones that got beat up

at the homecoming

game, right?

Do you think

you could wrap up

a bottle of

this scent for me?

Um, two.

Set yourself up

with one, too.

Three scents, please.

If you were

a 15-year-old boy,

would these

turn you on?

I think so, too.

I'll take them.

Do you have a bra

to match that...

something leather,

rubber, or barbed wire?

Give me a break.

Check it out.

What?

Five bucks?

Finsky.

Max, what

will you do?

For the first time

in my life,

I don't feel like

a total dick.

Yeah, me either.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha.!

Sorry, boys.

Momentary loss

of motor control.

You guys getting

tired of this?

There's a big

white sale going on...

at Towel World!

We're not impressed.

Can I have some

of that, please?

Their sh*t bores me.

Should we dump them?

We've been with them

three months.

We've been

to all the parties.

We won't go

to any more parties.

We'll go into

a social coma.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Let's give them

another chance.

Okay.

Will you

forgive us?

Oh, you guys.

What will

we do with you?

Excuse me!

We got her,

we got her.

Hey!

Hey.

Hi.

That's Ian.

This is Max.

We call him Mad Max.

I saw you

on the escalator.

You were looking

at us, right?

Yeah.

So what

are you doing?

Nothing.

I'm waiting

for my ride.

Lis,

come on, hon.

We're late.

Honey, move.

Speak

to you later.

She likes the rough stuff.

What can I do?

There's a party tonight

at Wyatt's house.

You can find his name

in the students' directory

under Donnely.

Pass the word around.

Party?

Don't ask.

You'll have a heart attack

by the time you're 40.

Learn to relax.

Have you tried

inversion boots?

Lisa, you don't

understand my parents.

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