Weird Science Page #3

What's there

to understand?

They're oppressive,

meddlesome,

difficult, demanding,

and totally bizarre.

They're normal parents.

Go get dressed.

Lisa, I created you.

Why do you do things

I don't want?

You and Gary want friends,

you want popularity,

you want

all that stuff, right?

I thought about it.

Sure, but...

So I'm

giving it to you.

Thank you,

but I don't want it

in my house.

If you want to be

a party animal,

learn to live

in the jungle.

Now go get dressed.

I'll pick up Gary.

I can't wait

to meet his parents.

Do you go

to Gary's school?

Do I look like

I'm in high school?

No.

She's a foreign

exchange student.

They have a different

educational system

happening

around the world.

You look very...

mature.

Doesn't she?

I was thinking

the same thing.

What do you do

for a living, Al?

I'm an independent

businessman.

My dad's a plumber.

He's into plumbing.

I guess you plumb,

right, Dad?

Yeah.

I think

it's time to go.

You ready?

Where are you going?

To a party.

To a movie.

Movie party,

is what it is.

No. I've whipped up

this nasty soiree

at his friend

Wyatt's house.

Soir what?

Soiree, honey.

I think

that means party.

Party.

There's going to be

sex, drugs, rock n' roll,

chips, dips, chains, whips...

Your basic high school orgy.

I'm not talking

candle wax on the nipples...

Just hundreds of kids

running around in their underwear

acting like animals.

I've heard enough!

Gary, get to your room!

Yes, sir!

It's okay.

I'll handle this.

Girlie, get out

before I throw you out.

Don't threaten me, Al!

You're out of shape.

I'll kick your ass.

I'm going to make this

real easy for you.

I'm taking Gary

to a party.

Over my dead body.

He's a good kid.

He studies hard.

If anybody

should be bitching,

it should be Gary.

You ever compliment him

on his grades?

Or on anything?

Hey! Hey!

Compliments

embarrass me.

Shut up!

Shut up!

It's so sad that your son's

only sexual outlet

is tossing off to magazines

in the bathroom.

Oh, Gary!

I never tossed off!

You said you were

combing your hair.!

I was!

Gary, shut up!

Water's running

all day.

Shut up!

I never tossed off!

And you wouldn't tell

your own mother!

Shut up!

This guy

deserves a party.

Look, I don't know

who you are,

what you are,

or where you came from,

but I'm not taking

any more of this.

Dial the police, Lucy,

and give me the phone.

I'm going to get the...

Give me the phone.

Well, here it is.

Jesus, God.

Oh, Christ.

Oh, Lord God.

Oh.

Whoa.

Go ahead...

make your day?

I'm sorry it has to

come to this.

Come to what?

Cheer up, or I'll

blow your face off.

Don't be

such an old lady.

Everything's cool.

Everything's cool!

My dad's going to

castrate me.

My mother almost had

a cardiac arrest.

I'll be grounded

till I'm 45.

Other than that,

everything's great.

Couldn't be better.

Trust me for once,

will you?

They don't know

what happened.

Did you think

Gary was acting a little

strangely this evening?

Gary?

Who's Gary?

Lisa, promise me things

won't get out of control.

Don't worry.

You're just having

a few friends over.

I don't have

any friends.

He doesn't.

Boy ain't lying.

You do now.

Hi.

Hi! Hi! Hi!

Party.!

Party.! Party.! Party.!

Standin' here

by the window

Starin' out

at the night

Gotta save me

from troubles...

Oh, baby

It's gonna work out fine

You heard the sound

of footsteps

Swinging across the floor...

Ho!

How you doing?

Where's the bar?

Bar!

Do you think they'll

embarrass us tonight?

Yeah.

Caviar?

If Max and Ian

see her,

it's over for us.

How's your stomach?

Better.

If you're gonna float an

air biscuit, let me know.

Float a what?

If you fart,

I'll hit the fan.

Sorry. I suffer

pain and discomfort

due to occasional

stomach upset.

We always talk about

how great it would be

if we went to parties.

Now it's our party, hundreds

of people are having fun,

and we're in the John.

You're as uptight

as I am.

Nobody can be

as uptight as you.

Your middle name

is tense...

Wyatt "Tense Up"

Donnely.

It's not that bad.

We can hear the music.

Maybe if we put

our noses to the door,

we can smell the food.

Hey, brother!

What's happening,

my main man?

Right on!

Scotch.

Straight up?

Give me

the whole bottle.

Bend over.

I'll shove it

straight up your ass.

On the rocks is fine.

Ha ha ha ha!

Yeah, that's what

I thought you'd say.

There she is.

You deal

with the drinks.

I'll kill the girls.

I wonder

if Lisa's having fun.

Lisa could have fun at

an insurance seminar, Wyatt.

The thing

that really galls me

is that she's ours

and we can't

get close to her.

Hit the fan.

This is the best party

I've ever been to.

It's great!

Whose house is this?

It's probably that girl

with the English accent.

She doesn't have a zit

on her whole body.

She has zero fat.

And she's so relaxed.

She burped

and it was charming.

Uh, yeah.

The bathroom.

Ladies.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

I can't believe you.!

You're dropping

wolfbait

and chicks are outside.!

Light a match!

Light a fire!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

We thought there were

just girls in there.

It's just us dudes.

Why are you here?

Gary was just

taking a sh*t.

I meant...

What are you doing

at the party?

Oh, it's my house.

This is your party?

We like to do this

once a week,

throw little

get-togethers.

Haven't you guys

been by?

How did we

miss these two?

So many people,

so many parties.

So many parties.

You lose track.

Can I come in

and check my face?

What's wrong with it?

Can we come in?

Come on in.

Sure. Be our guests.

Thanks, guys.

We've seen you

at school,

but we've never met.

You're Hilly.

You're Deb.

Hi. I'm Gary.

Hi, Gary.

What have you guys

been doing...

I didn't know you guys

had so many friends.

Neither did we.

Who's the girl

with the accent?

I thought

this was her party.

You mean the sensuous

sex symbol type?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's with us.

She's with... you guys?

Come on, Lisa.

Why not?

Because I belong

to Gary and Wyatt.

Did they make you in the

garage with power tools?

Do they own you?

Control you?

Seriously.

Seriously.

They're toads.

Do I look like

I'd go out with two toads?

You do.

Gary and Wyatt

will force everyone

to redefine their terms.

And you're completely

loyal to them?

I do whatever they say.

Hi.

Could you excuse us

for a minute, please?

No problem.

We'll be in here.

Okay, fine.

They're stoked

for us.

Should we go for it?

What about Lisa?

She said we should party.

Let's score points

with these two.

We'll deal with

the mechanics later.

Sounds good.

Let's not hurt

Lisa's feelings.

She wants

a bone job from me.

Ready to party?

Let's break!

Those guys are weird,

but they're kinda cute.

Hi.

Where did you two

disappear to?

We were in the bathroom.

We were in the kitchen.

Eating.

Doing our hair.

Have you met

Gary and Wyatt?

Yes.

No.

Sort of.

If you get the chance,

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