Weirdsville Page #2

of the concession

building, right?

Yeah.

Nobody knows about it.

Careful.

You sure no one's

going to be out there?

Well, maybe Abe goes

to check things out

every once in a while,

but he's not going to go there

this time of night.

What do you mean,

Abel Vinton?

Yeah, yeah.

You know him?

Remember him?

He fired me for smoking

a joint at work?

Yeah.

Yeah, and then,

in high school

he thought he was king

of the head-bangers?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Then he comes back

after grade 11,

he's done a total 360.

By the way, it's a 180.

Huh?

all the way back around

and ended up

back where he started.

He did.

He went back to school.

You sure no one's

going to see the car?

Oh come on, man,

only an idiot

would be out here

on a night like this.

Turn left.

This place have power?

Yeah, for the alarm.

Oh, sh*t.

Maybe it's 360.

Oh, yeah.

Not!

How about that for 360?

Do you get the feeling

the drugs are starting

to make you slow?

Man, I was on

a quiz show once,

you know.

If I'm so slow, how'd I get

on a quiz show? Ow.

You were on a quiz show?

Yeah, man.

Quiz Time on channel 6.

You mean in junior high?

Yeah, me and my brother.

We won 50 bucks

and an Atari.

That's impressive.

I didn't see your

college drop-out ass

on Quiz Time, did I?

No, you-- No, no.

No, you didn't.

Hang on a sec?

Hurry up, man.

Here.

Right here.

Notwithstanding your triumph

on Quiz Time 300 years ago,

I still think

the drugs are starting

to make you stupid.

I'm sorry,

not stupid... slow.

What are you

lecturing me for?

Remember last year?

You wrote to Tetley

to pitch the idea

of Ciga-tea?

Yeah, man,

tea with nicotine in it.

That's--

That's brilliant.

Your product sample

was a tea bag

filled with pipe tobacco.

Premium tobacco, baby.

Well, what about the time

you wrote to Kraft

with a proposal

for sprayable mayonnaise?

Sprayonaise.

I rest my case.

Todd.

I know you speak English,

but do you understand English?

Yeah.

Perhaps I wasn't clear

on how you should dress.

You basically said

I gotta dress

like my old man.

Okay.

Appearance is a very important

part of our code.

Never forget that.

I didn't know the code.

Shh...

Shh, I told you the code.

I'm going to let it pass

this time, but next time...

Okay.

Wow.

Follow me, children.

Goa-ta-se.

It's "Goatse, " man.

Who can't read now?

Keep digging, man.

Whenever they find a body,

the paper says they found it

in a shallow grave.

We've gotta

make this deep.

No.

I can't, man.

This is not some dead body.

It's Mattie.

You want to go to jail?

I don't want to go to jail.

Matilda doesn't want us

to go to jail!

She deserves

better than this.

I'm going to the can.

F***ing bullshit.

What's the cup for?

It's a goblet.

And you'll see.

Let us begin.

Todd Kranshaw,

are you willing

to renounce all loyalty

to God and Jesus Christ?

Yeah, man.

Do you swear allegiance

to the Prince of Darkness?

I do.

It's "I swear", Todd,

not "I do. "

You're not getting married.

I swear!

Nice.

Okay.

You can kneel down now, Todd.

I'm going to go

warm up the car.

We've gotta take her

to the hospital, man.

We're not going to bury her

like she never existed.

F***.

--as your story unfolds

From your eyes to mine

I can see

A blue wave run

And blue heat

from your heart

Like nothing in the sun

Okay.

I call upon

the darkest of angels

to anoint the blood

of our new brother

and reveal to him

the unholy covenant

of our Lord Lucifer!

Hey, what are you doing?

Let me go!

Let me go!

What the f***

are you guys doing?

Throw me the key!

It's just

an amateur theatrical!

Ugh!

Which key is it?

The gold one.

Hey!

We gotta get outta here.

Someone's upstairs.

Come on, we gotta go.

Sh*t! Is there another

way out of here?

Uh... it's over there.

Hello?

Is there anyone

down here?

This is all just

a misunderstanding.

Sh*t.

All right, man.

Come on!

Whoa!

Hey!

Whoa!

Come on!

Hey, hey!

What?

We gotta go.

What about Mattie?

They won't find her!

We'll come back for her!

Who won't find her?

I think he means us.

Okay, guys, hey.

Royce?

Royce Gordon.

Abe. Hey, man!

Abe?

Abe!

Abe!

Look, man, we had to take--

I know I did--

had to take a piss

and I had a key, so...

So you thought

while you're here,

you'll bury a dead hooker.

She's not a hooker.

Zzzt zzzt.

Wow, a little skinnier,

but that is Dexter Ryan.

Abe.

I got an idea.

Wow.

Let's forget we saw each other

and go our separate ways.

What do you think

about that?

That's a great idea.

You know what?

And we could do it

for old times sake.

What old times?

I fired you

for smoking drugs.

We were all doing something

we shouldn't have been doing.

Yes.

Dexter, what shouldn't you

have been doing to that girl?

Aw, she overdosed.

She overdosed.

Surprise!

Yeah.

We were going to bury her,

but we changed our minds.

Yeah, we weren't going

to bury her anymore.

Not going to happen.

What are you?

Are you, like,

Satan worshippers?

Hey, hey, zip, zip. Zip.

You are not worthy

to utter his name.

But, yes, we do bask

in the light of the Dark Lord.

You are not men!

You are servo-mechanisms

to addiction.

No better

than automatons.

This is true.

I would be

doing you a favor

if I ended

your sad little lives.

Actually, we're good.

We're good, right?

We're great, man.

You know what?

We're going to go this way--

Hey! Hey!

Wait! Back off,

both of you!

Especially you, sister!

You freak me out!

I do not want

to go crazy up in here!

She's kind of pretty.

Mmm, delicious.

Shame she's dead.

Four bodies instead of one.

None of them

will be missed.

Let's continue.

We'll do it right here.

It's getting late.

O Dark Lord,

accept our sacrifice

and infuse this blood

with all the power of hell!

Watch it!

Sorry.

Oh, my God.

Bite your tongue!

Sorry.

Satan has made her live!

Ave Satanas!

All hail Satan!

All hail Satan!

You a**hole!

Ow!

Ow!

Get her!

Ahhh!

Hey!

F***ing idiot!

Calm down, sweetness!

We won't hurt you!

You're very fast!

You have

a beautiful stride!

You're very, very pretty!

No!

Get her!

Oh!

Matilda!

Mattie!

Satan?

More cardio!

Go, go, go!

Go!

Go, go, go, go

go, go!

Whoa!

Well played.

Nothing like a good shovel

to stop a car.

Here, get this on Mattie.

Put it on your legs.

Were we in hell?

No. We were

at the drive-in.

Is she okay?

I don't know, man.

She's passing out.

Sh*t.

There's been a problem.

I need you to take the van

and go to the hospital.

I don't care if your mom

wants you to plow the driveway!

This is Lucifer's will!

No, don't tell her that!

You're an idiot!

Todd's blood

is useless now!

The power contained in it

is now inside that girl!

Can't we just

take Todd's blood

and do the ceremony again?

No, Seamus.

Okay, once the power's

out of the blood,

it's out of all the blood!

That's how f***ing

sangre sacrementus works.

That doesn't seem

very exact, does it?

You-- Just shut up

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