Welcome To Collinwood Page #2

Synopsis: When petty thief Cosimo is given the plan for the perfect heist from a lifer in prison - the kind of job you dream about - he has to get out of jail, fast. But with Cosimo stuck in the joint, it's up to his girl Rosalind to track down a patsy. But while no one wants to do the time for Cosimo's crime, everybody seems to know a guy who will - and for a share, they're willing to track him down. Before long, Rosalind has five guys trailing behind her, looking to get their bungling hands on a piece of the action.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Production: Warner Bros.
  1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
6.4
Metacritic:
61
Rotten Tomatoes:
55%
R
Year:
2002
86 min
$75,180
Website
377 Views


spring Cosimo, there's no job.

We'll go 16,000 on the deal.

I don't need it. When my career takes

off, I'm spinning on this neighborhood.

- Mahlovic, you're up! Let's go.

- All right.

See you after the fight.

Pero, buma- ye!

I'm so pretty. I'm so pretty. Come on!

Cosimo Cosanawowski, for attempted

grand-theft auto, you are sentenced to...

- Stop the proceedings! Stop!

- Order. Order.

- Hold on! Hear me out. Hear me out.

- Remove him.

Please, Your Honor, I'm here to confess.

That man is innocent.

Your Honor, I can no longer live

with the guilt.

It was me who was stealing that car.

I confess.

My brother Cosimo, Saint Cosimo,

as he's known on the streets...

...was only trying to stop me.

I told him:

"Cosimo, I mean to steal this car.

I am a car thief.

I steal cars. By myself."

I'm gonna kill you!

- Wait. Hold on.

- You're the worst Mullinski ever.

Not only that, you added six months.

Six months to my sentence.

Six months. Six months.

Who cares about six months?

I just got three f***ing years, man!

I want my money back. Otherwise,

you're gonna die in this prison.

- Get out.

- Fine. I don't care.

I don't care about anything anymore.

What's the matter with you?

Come on. Prison is easy, you puss.

No. You don't understand.

I betrayed my brother.

Maybe he deserved it.

He's dying, you jackass!

My real brother, Bleeko, is dying.

Now he'll have to die alone.

Just last week he said to me...

He said, " Pero, be there for me

in the final moments...

...when death has me in its deadly grip.

Don't let me go it alone."

I swore to him I wouldn't,

but I betrayed him.

For a lousy 16 grand.

- You're a sick bastard.

- No, I'm not laughing at you.

I'm laughing at... You wanna hear

something gonna cheer you up?

You know that old building

on Chester Avenue?

- There's a million old buildings.

- The factory with the gold brick.

- What about it?

- It's not a flour factory anymore.

Half became apartments.

Guess what's on the other half?

I don't care.

- A jewelry shylock.

- So what?

So my cellmate, the bricklayer,

he split the building.

- He pulled a Krazner.

- What?

You know, a Krazner.

He mortared the wall between

the apartment and the shylock...

...with sand and water.

You can push through it.

Shylock's a big shot. The bricklayer

said he has a fortune in that safe.

You still have to break

into the apartment.

That's the beauty of it. Nobody lives

there. It's vacant. You can walk in.

You're a bigger jackass

than everyone says.

- What are you talking about?

- lf this job is so good...

...why didn't the old man

pull it himself.

Two days before the job,

he fights with his wife.

Shoots her dead. He's a lifer now,

so he gave me the job.

You were to spring me so I could

pull it. Now we're in the can together.

- Funny sh*t, huh?

- Yeah, it is.

- I mean, really funny, right?

- You have no idea.

- You're free to go.

- Thanks.

Where's he going?

You told me you had three years.

You know, I did,

but the judge suspended the sentence.

I'm gonna f***ing kill you! You son

of a b*tch. Your mother's a whore.

- My mother's a what?

- A whore! Your mother's a whore!

- Goddamn! Sh*t. Come to see me home?

- I want the money back.

I did my job, baby. It's not

my fault the judge didn't buy it.

- I'm dead if I don't get that money.

- Look who flew the coop.

If it isn't a $ 16,000 man.

We don't care what went wrong. We just

want our stake in the money back.

What's the f***'s the matter

with you people?

- That money's mine.

- We don't want trouble.

- You want me to take it out of your ass?

- F*** you!

You want more, funny boy?

- Christ.

- Where's the money?

- I don't have it.

- Well, you better find it.

- Jesus Christ!

- Just give us the money.

I gave the money to my debtors.

- All 16,000?

- I still owe another 5 to Leo the Lip.

- He's lying.

- Wait, wait. I got the Bellini.

- I got Cosimo's Bellini.

- Bullshit. Stick him again.

I swear to God! I told him I got

three years, and he gave it up to me.

- So what?

- So I'll cut you in on it.

Equal shares. All of you.

It's the greatest job I ever heard of.

A jewelry shylock.

Let's hear it then.

- I can't breathe.

- Let him up. Let him up.

You watch yourself, f***er.

F***.

- I feel weak.

- Sh*t.

Jesus, we killed him.

The safe's on the second floor

of the pawnshop.

The apartment next

to the pawnshop is empty.

We break into the apartment,

smash a hole in the wall...

...climb into the shylock's

and crack the safe.

That's the easy part.

Trouble is that building's like

a fortress. The front door's alarmed.

The best way is through

the coal chute next door.

Take the back fire escape to the roof.

Then we drop to the apartment window,

and we cut it open.

Anybody know a safecracker?

- Jerzy Antwerp is the only one I know.

- Wait a minute. Hold him, would you?

I got an idea.

I was thinking, with a camera, I could

shoot the shylock opening the safe.

- We could get the combination.

- Brilliant.

Where we gonna get a camera?

We could pay a little visit

to a guy I know at the flea market.

So, what are you hocking today, Riley?

Your kid?

Treat me with more respect.

It just so happens I came

into some money. I'm a buyer today.

- It's nice. I like the browns.

- Yes, but what about the reds?

What do you think? It's for my sister.

Is there too much red?

She's been institutionalized, and the

color red makes her bark like a dog.

Yes, after all, I believe

there is too much red.

I'm sorry, Oswald,

but your paintings are crap.

Let's go to Sears.

Okay. Here we go.

- What is this?

- Sorry.

I shot some footage of him

for his mom.

He's a cute baby.

That's his new food.

He's not taking to it too well.

- I like it.

- Riley, come on.

- It's good food.

- You're killing me.

Here we go.

- The Hassenfeffer 622.

- Is that good or bad?

Neither.

Okay, okay, watch this.

- Seventy-eight.

- Seventy-seven.

- Eight.

- Seventy-eight. Eight.

- Whoa.

- Jesus Christ.

- Seventy-seven.

- What's that number?

Seventy-eight.

- What is the number?

- It's an eight. Seventy-eight, eight.

- That's great.

- We did nine takes.

Every time, on the last number,

he does this.

He's like a gimp.

Sorry.

So, what do you think?

Well, as a film, it's a disaster.

It's a documentary.

It's supposed to look like that.

The good news is,

the safe is crackable.

So how do we...? What do we...?

How do we do this?

Do I carry you on my back?

This may be a shock, but I don't

go out in the field anymore.

- See. What the hell's he doing here?

- I teach.

For 500 bucks,

I show you how to do it.

- 500 bucks?

- 500 bucks?

Be quiet. The baby.

We're all tapped out here. That's why

we're doing this job in the first place.

- We'll cut you in.

- I don't take back-end money.

- There's a fortune in that safe.

- Five hundred bucks, that's a deal.

- My time is valuable.

- All right. Hold on.

Hold your horses.

Can you get us through a Krazner wall?

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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