Welcome To Collinwood Page #3

Well, who do you think Krazner called?

- All right. So then it's a deal.

- Good.

Be at my place Saturday afternoon.

If you'll excuse me,

I have a class to teach in Youngstown.

Five hundred bucks? Did I mention I'm

trying to get my wife out of the clink?

- Where can we get that kind of money?

- We could mug someone.

There's gotta be something.

I think I can get the money.

- How much do you need?

- Just a small loan for a new suit.

I met a nice girl.

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

You're getting married?

- lf she says yes.

- So how much?

Five hundred dollars.

Five hundred dollars?

It must be some suit.

It's beautiful.

With buttons and shoes.

Well, I hope she can make

an honest man out of you.

At the usual interest?

- At the usual interest.

- We're still better than Leo the Lip.

There are many methods

to cracking a safe.

Each method has an inverse relationship

between quickness and cleanness.

The quickest is Lipchiski Method, named

for its originator, Theodore Lipchiski.

The Lipchiski Method requires a stick

of dynamite and a match. Very quick.

But as we learned when Lipchiski blew

himself up in Toledo, it's not clean.

Hence, I teach the circular-saw method.

Not the quickest, but the cleanest.

You and your loot will emerge unharmed.

This is the method that I was taught.

It is what I believe in.

- You want Lipchiski, go somewhere else.

- The police are here! They're coming!

They were just here. Hide the safe.

- Where?

- Hide the f***ing safe. Throw it off.

- We can't move it.

- The cops are here.

You think that's funny?

You son of a b*tch.

You little son of a b*tch.

F***ing midget.

I'm gonna come out of this chair.

I'm gonna f*** you up.

I hate that f***ing kid.

Where was I?

- Circular...

- Circular saw. Circular-saw method.

You take the saw like so:

You apply it like so:

You crank it like so:

In three hours, you got your hole.

- What time is it?

- Two.

- We'll now begin a full demonstration.

- The police are here!

Baby! Sgt. Babitch is here.

He's coming around the back.

- He'll bury us. Hide the f***ing safe!

- What? Where?

All right, guys. Take five.

That's good.

Babitch! What a surprise.

You caught us on laundry day.

You sing while you launder?

- Speak English.

- We're a chorus for the church.

- Which church is that?

- It's the...

We tour.

Would you know anything

about a job in Youngstown?

A safe with a hole

about the size of your head.

Where's Youngstown?

Now, wait a minute here.

I know all you guys.

You're all from Collinwood.

And you're all bums.

You're Pero Mahlovic, aren't you?

I knew your brother.

He was a shitty fighter,

which is more than I can say for you.

- What's your angle here, Mahlovic?

- I'm the tenor.

You're a joker, huh?

Well, you keep laughing, champ.

All the way to the pen.

If a job goes down in the next few

weeks, I'll know whose asses to string.

Jesus.

You better watch your back, boys.

Where have you been?

My kid's starving.

- The bus never came. I had to walk.

- Down you go. Good boy.

Give me a square,

and I'll forget about it.

The shylock comes at 6.

He opens up at 7.

Good luck.

Hey, give me a light.

Jesus, she's a live one.

Yeah.

What the f*** is this, man?

- F***! F***! F***! F***!

- What the f*** is this?

My best friend's cousin told me

the old ladies are the shylock's aunts.

They're getting senile.

So he moved them in next door

to keep an eye on them.

- The girl's their maid.

- The maid, huh?

Well, don't worry.

I once seduced the first lady.

You sure this isn't gonna

make you jealous or anything?

You're a piece of work.

As hard as you find it to believe,

I think you're a pig.

- Sh*t.

- You're a real pizda. You know that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Baby, where you going in such a hurry?

- Your mama teach you how to walk?

Whoa, slow down, sugar.

Give a little love to a black man.

Whoa, whoa.

Look at that. Baby got an ass

like bubble-gum ice cream.

The kind we like to lick.

Why don't you leave the girl alone,

you street bums.

Scram, before we lay one on you.

- I'll carve you like a turkey, honky.

- Put the knife away.

Hit me.

Put the knife...

- Don't hit me no more.

- Hurry up. Go get her.

- Are you okay?

- Go get her.

Miss! Miss, I don't mean any harm.

Miss. Are you all right, miss?

That was quite an experience.

Every day, I say to myself:

" Pero, you're a lucky man. Your father

could afford a private school...

...where among gaining a degree in

learning, you also mastered boxing."

- That was quite a punch you threw.

- It was just a couple of bums.

- I wanted to make sure you're okay.

- I'm fine. Now excuse me, I'm late.

You're late? That's funny. So am I.

Which direction are you going?

- This way.

- That's funny. So am I.

- What are you late for?

- I'm meeting my boyfriend.

- He's a doctor.

- A doctor. Really? What do you do?

Me? I don't work.

I shop. I play tennis.

Oh, really? Well, I'm a salesman.

Congratulations. What do you sell?

All sorts of things.

Big things. Expensive.

- You from around here?

- No, Collinwood.

Even though I could afford more,

I live humbly. I like humble people.

For instance, if you were, say,

I don't know, a maid and not an heiress...

...I'd still think you were

just as pretty.

Hey, what's happening, young blood?

Crazy kids.

That's a joke we play on each other.

So where do you live?

I live in an apartment with my aunts,

but my boyfriend's building me a house.

- The doctor?

- No, the other boyfriend.

You have another boyfriend?

Yeah, I have lots of boyfriends.

I think it's best that way.

- So you going to ask me out, or what?

- I thought...

What about your boyfriends?

They understand I'm a liberated woman.

How's Sunday?

- Sure.

- All right.

- We'll meet at your house?

- Yeah, we can't. It's being...

...deloused.

- There's a street carnival.

- Yeah.

- On St. Clair.

- Okay, yeah, 4:
00, then.

- In front of the church.

- In front of the church.

Okay.

Okay.

- Okay.

- Bye.

I'm gonna kill that son of a b*tch.

I'm gonna kill that son of a b*tch.

I'm gonna kill that son of a b*tch.

I'm gonna kill that...

Hey, I don't want to miss my bus now.

- Thank you.

- Thanks.

Look, a fun house!

I love fun houses.

Hey, if it's fun you want,

it's fun you get.

Where did you go?

Which one is you? Where are you?

Guess you'll just have

to kiss me and find out.

Come here.

Come here.

Where you going?

- I'm gonna kill you, you son of a b*tch!

- Cosimo! What the...?

Want something, baby?

- Jesus Christ, where's Mahlovic?

- Why?

- Didn't you hear?

- What?

- Cosimo broke out of the joint!

- There goes Cosimo!

- I'll kill you! Your mother's a whore!

- He's got a gun!

You sick bastard!

- You stole my Bellini!

- Wait, wait!

You puta! I'll spit on you!

- I'll spit on all of you!

- Baby, please. Relax.

I got it all planned out.

We can all share.

You traitorous whore!

Listen to me,

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