Welcome to Mooseport

- How do you like this rain, Danny?

- I'm sick of it, Jim.

Mr. Sunshine should be peeking

through those early morning clouds.

Yeah. Promises, promises.

Folks, we have a question for you.

First caller with the right answer wins:

An orthopedic tractor seat cushion

from Handy's Hardware.

Okay, he was a recent

two-term president.

- Of the Moose Lodge?

- No, no, little buddy.

The ex-president of the United States!

Many say the most popular in history.

- The first president divorced in office.

- And he's moving right here to...

... Mooseport!

- Okay, we got a caller.

- Can you name him?

- Eagle Cole?

- Monroe "Eagle" Cole!

- Monroe "Eagle" Cole!

Congratulations, you're a winner.

- Morning, Handy.

- Morning, Kent. Looks good.

- Yeah. Yeah. Morning, Harve.

- Morning, Kent.

- Morning, Harve.

- Morning.

- Morning, Harve.

- Morning, Morris.

- Morning, Handy.

- Morning, Morris.

- Morning, Reuben.

- Morning, Handy!

- Morning, Stu, Morning, Fern.

- Morning, Handy.

- New socks, Harve?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I like them. I like them.

They go well with... each other.

- Thanks.

- Morning, Handy.

Hi, Mandy. I didn't see you there.

Ready, boys? Get it together, now.

Nice. Good job.

- Morning.

- Morning, Irma.

Come on, Plunger. There you go.

- Hey, baby.

- Martha, good morning.

It's not too early for Bruce, right?

Bruce doesn't care what time it is.

- Bruce got a little morning breath going.

- Do you believe this?

He decides to come a week early and

they expect us to get all that work done?

He's the president.

He usually gets what he wants.

We'll get it done.

You know what I like about Bruce?

When he's here, my nose looks normal.

Yeah, but his nose fits his face, boss.

You're not funny, Bob. Let's go.

- Hold, please.

- Hold on one second.

Copy that. Go!

Lucky bounce, Mr. President.

Well, you know what they say:

I'd rather be lucky than good.

Mr. President, what will you do next?

Oh, so many offers, Chi Chi,

it's an embarrassment of riches.

First, there's the Farewell World Tour.

Chance for me to say goodbye and

thank you to all my wonderful friends.

Writing my memoirs. And then I'm doing

something I haven't done in 26 years:

Putting my feet up, reading a newspaper,

without interruptions.

Sounds good. Settle back in that

beautiful place you have in Baltimore.

Afraid the first lady got that one.

- In the divorce.

- Oh, right.

She got the best years of my life.

But the one thing she won't get

is my title.

To the house?

No. The title "Mr. President. "

Unless donkeys fly, they'll be calling me

Mr. President for the rest of my life.

She can have Baltimore. I'm fine with my

lovely little summer place. Mooseport.

Four-Tango-X-ray.

Hold short of runway one-two.

Sorry, Sally, we have the former

president of the United States on final.

We've got orders to let him land first.

- Hold short.

- Damn it.

Welcome to the Mooseport White House,

Mr. President.

All secure.

Home sweet home.

It gets more magnificent every year.

Take the dog for a pee, Grace.

Oh, Jesus. It looks like

Tiger Woods' funeral.

- There are these speaking engagements...

- I have to take a quick cabinet meeting.

Get in there!

Sir, sorry. Handy Harrison.

It's an honor to meet you, sir.

- Get his weapon.

- Back off!

- All right, sir?

- Fine. I didn't know a worker was here.

- I'm a worker.

- I'm sure he's been checked out.

- They checked me out.

- Yes. Everybody's been totally cleared.

I'll get out of here. Let me...

- Boy, sorry.

- All clear.

And I just want to say it's an honor

to work for you, really.

- Thank you very much.

- All right.

Well...

...I did come in here for a reason.

Oh, right! Sure.

Go right ahead. Yeah. Sorry.

I'll get that. I'll fix all that.

All that'll be fixed.

President.

At last.

Everyone, let's give the president

some privacy.

- Right away.

- We can go over these offers anytime.

Hold on! How's it coming?

We're finalizing dates this week.

Twenty-six speaking engagements,

And?

Clinton got 100,000, sir.

- And my autobiography?

- Random House is offering 14 mil.

HarperCollins is at 13,

but is offering a better ghostwriter.

- Here.

- Excellent. Keep working it.

We're up to 147 honorary doctorates.

Ninety-three offers to be on boards

of Fortune 500 companies.

Soova Motors is offering $5 million to do

a car commercial to air only in Norway.

And of course, the big enchilada.

The Monroe "Eagle" Cole

Presidential Library.

Oh, I like it.

European rationalism interwoven

with American modernism.

A metaphor of organic growth.

A manmade mountain,

over which soars the eagle.

It's fantastic.

Is it big enough?

It's 40,000 square feet, sir.

- And?

- Clinton's is 20,000, sir.

- Excellent.

- Mr. President...

...it's the former first lady, sir.

Shall I tell her you're out?

No, no, no.

You excuse me?

Here he is, Mrs. Cole.

And the problem is...?

As the man who has just gotten

the most lucrative speaking fees...

...the biggest book deal,

the most board offers in history...

...I would think you'd know.

Come on, honey, you don't believe

all that nonsense, do you?

No, Eagle, I believe it's just

the tip of the iceberg.

Charlotte, lamb, we settled.

Pioneers settle. We rested.

- Seven million. You're selling Mooseport.

- Charlotte...

It's a vacation home, Monroe.

You thieving, conniving, ungrateful...

It's been a pleasure speaking with you,

Mrs. Cole.

- We'll call you back.

- Yeah, you too.

Try to talk some sense into him.

- Seven million.

- It's a negotiation.

You've handled dictators.

You've handled terrorists.

Terrorists were easier. I swear to God.

Breathe.

Let the lawyers handle it. Breathe.

Oh. I can...

Oh, Grace, you're a miracle.

Oh. Sorry.

No, no, no. Come on in.

Can I help you?

Yeah... Well, I don't mean to

disturb you. I'm all done in here.

I mean, I'm done fixing it.

That flushing you heard,

that's work-related, not personal.

Hey, we're done.

What...? Plunger!

Plunger! Plunger, stop it!

Come here!

What are you doing, huh?

Hey, you trying to get us both shot?

How many times do I got to tell you?

Keep that thing in your... body.

Bad dog.

You let him do that in front of you?

I don't have cable, man.

Come on, boy. Come on.

Get them, get them.

Sally?

Spit it up, froggy. Thank you.

Sally? You stay off her couch, Plunger.

Sally? Sally? Hey, you up here?

- Guess what?

- Downstairs.

Guess what came?

Jane Ellen's delivering.

- Already? Wow. How's she doing?

- Here comes another one.

She's up to sextuplets.

Sextuplets?

Seven, right? Six. Seven!

No, six, six.

Chester.

Aw, you did it, boy.

Oh, boy. Oh, look at those paws.

It's going to be giant.

I know.

Hey, so guess who I saw today?

- Who?

- Take a guess.

- Handy.

- Come on.

- Take one guess.

- The president.

Oh, that's right because everybody

knows he's here.

But not everybody gets a check

for 17,000 big ones.

- Really?

- Seventeen thousand.

Man, you know what? I just...

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