Welcome To The Rileys Page #2

- Just trying to keep the customers happy.

- I'm happy, I'm happy...

You don't look very happy.

How old are you?

- How old do I look?

- 15.

You can't be 15 and work in any

strip club I've ever heard of.

- How old are you?

- 22.

You don't look 22.

That's what it says on my ID.

Well, I can buy a drivers license that says I'm 22.

That doesn't make me 22.

So, is Mallory your real name?

- Oh, f*** me, you're a f***ing cop.

- No.

Oh, you're not a cop?

Come here, show me your cock then!

Stop it! Stop that!

- Prove you're not a cop!

- I'm not a cop!

Take this f***ing back! Cause that's as

close to my p*ssy as you're getting tonight.

F*** nuts!

- Hey, how's it shaking, baby?

- It ain't.

- Felix kicked me out early. Too many girls in tonight.

- Meatball.. to go. Thanks.

Excuse me, I'm not a cop.

I'm from Indianapolis, Indiana.

I run a

wholesale plumbing supply business.

I'm here for a convention.

Okay, I'm sorry about that.

I just got cops on the brain.

Can't help it.

Always snooping around the club..

And they towed my car for

unpaid parking tickets

it's like thirty-five bucks a day in

storage fees and I don't got that..

It's been in there for like a week, and

how the f*** am I going to get it out.

It's what it is..

So I don't like cops.

How much do you owe?

However much thirtyfive

times seven is.

- 245 dollars.

- How much is that all together?

Well, 1100 plus 245 is 1345 dollars.

Oh, f*** me.

You have a terrible vocabulary.

F*** you.

All right.

I didn't.. mean that.

That way.

Here you go, babe.

Anyway

I got it, I got it.

Sorry.

- Where are you from?

- Why?

Just making conversation.

From Florida.

Where in Florida?

- Panhandle.

- And you work in a...

.. strip club.

It's better than working

peepshows in Atlanta.

Guys jerking off staring at your cooter like it

was singing The Star Spangled-f***ing Banner.

Here you go.

Hey, you...

you think

I mean, you know, now that

I know you're not a cop..

You think I can have those

hundred bucks back?

I mean, you said you only wanted to talk, right?

And we've been talking.

- Here. - I can do something else

for your money too, if you want.

You can have your money back.

- Enjoy. - No, thanks. Thank you.

It's getting late.

I'll take you home.

It's just.. down this street.

So just..

This is your neighborhood?

Yup.

It's this whitish one, right here.

Do you mind coming in

with me for a second?

Just to make sure it's chill.

My electricity is off.

All right.

Motherf***er.

You shouldn't keep your

key in your mailbox.

I'd just lose it if I didn't.

Jesus.

You weren't kidding.

I know.

The place gets really f***ing creepy.

How come you haven't you

paid your electric bill?

I have.

My landlord keeps locking the fuse box.

It's supposed to be included in the rent.

But he is like this..

He's like this freak who wants me to

suck him off while he videotapes it.

He's a regular at the club.

That's like this whole scam he's got going.

He only rents the place to strippers.

But I told him, you know like

I'm not gonna do blow-job videos

and I'm not leaving

'cause I got my rights.

And he tries to scam me with this,

'for sale' sign sh*t, like yeah

like people are dying to buy this sh*t.

- You want to smoke a splif?

- What?

Like a doobi.

- You know, like a joint, weed..

- Marijuana?

Yeah.

I haven't smoked marijuana in...

- What's so funny?

- This whole night.

I feel like I landed on Mars.

Well...

Welcome to New Orleans.

How come you don't want to f*** me?

- Prefer women of my own age.

- Why?

They know what they're doing.

I'm pretty good.

Sure you are.

I think I give some pretty good heads.

I'm sure you do.

- Want me to show you?

- No. No!

Lay down.

Its so weird

being with a guy who

don't want to get it on.

Oh well...

it's pretty weird being with you, too.

You don't like me?

I do. I like you a lot.

I like to...

I like you, too.

- Hello?

- Where the hell are you?

I...

- overslept.

- Goddamn

I banged on your door

for five minutes.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Why didn't check in with Lois yet?

I just talked with Harriet.

I forgot.

- I forgot.

- Are you sure you're all right?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm all right.

I'll see you at the convention.

Huh?

And get that jacket of

yours back from that girl.

Stop loaning your things to people.

- Riley residence.

- Hi.

I'm sorry I didn't call,

when I got in last night.

I checked your flight on the internet

... So I know you didn't crash.

How is New Orleans?

Listen, I think I'm going

to stay here for a while.

- I can't come home right now.

- What are you talking about?

I don't know, I don't know...

I just know that..

I can't come home right now.

I know I'm not dead yet.

- All right?

- Doug!

I'm not mad about Vivian.

What?

A year or two ago I found her name tag

in the pocket of your windbreaker.

It's not like I had no

idea what was going on.

And I know I haven't been..

- Oh, Lord..

- I'm sorry. I...

- I'll make a list of people you got to take care of.

- Okay, I will. We got a deal?

- Not yet, but almost.

- You got the money?

- Almost. - Okay.

- Not guilty.

Morning, Hank. How are you?

We sure had some French Quarter

fun last night, didn't we?

I took Jerry to the swankiest strip joint in

the Quarter, and I'm talking tender to the bone.

- Give us a minute, will you?

- You bet.

We're gonna have ourselves a good time

tonight boys, so take your vitamins.

I like the blue ones myself.

- So, what's up?

- I'm selling Circle City.

Are you f***ing nuts?

What's going on with you?

You're gonna make a good profit on your shares

and you're gonna get a nice.. to run the company.

- Doug, don't do this to me.

- Do what?

Make you richer? You'll get over it.

Wait, goddamit, so what.. I mean

- What are going to do?

You just gonna pull the plug? - Yep.

Christ, Doug. Where the hell are you going now?

I need a pair of bolt

cutters and a toilet snake.

Morning.

Turn on the water in the tub

so I can rinse this thing off.

Oh my God, I'm outta here!

To Viv, from your Waffle

Man, Happy Birthday

I've got a business

proposition for you.

Well, I told that I

don't do porn tapes.

And I'm not gonna f*** a German

Shepperd, not going to..

Can I just talk for a minute?

Yes, but the answer is no.

I'll give you 100 dollars a

day to stay at your place.

What?

$ 100 a day, if I can

stay at your place.

I don't like hotels.

No p*ssy?

No.

And don't do anal.

Just so you know.

Thank God there is

something you don't do.

So, a hundred bucks a day, and

you just live in my house?

Yep.

So you'll be my sugar daddy?

- You know what that is?

- Sort of.

Wiil you buy me cool things?

I'll buy you a broom and dustpan.

It's me, Charlene, Mrs Riley.

You remember me, don't you?

I saw the garage open and it didn't

look right to me. Are you okay?

Taking a nap.

Want your paper?

Put it on the hood, please.

You shouldn't leave your

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