Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior

(GRUNTING )

(YELLING )

(EX CLAIMING )

(CUP SHATTERING )

(BOTH GRUNTING )

(SHEN LAUGHING )

Shen.

It is time.

The evil Yan Lo has awakened

and is on his way.

But I wonder if you're committed enough

to take on this task.

Forgive me, Master. I am ready.

Very well. Here. You will need these.

-Where is she?

-In the West.

-Fair Springs, California.

-I will not let you down, Master.

It may not be you who lets us down.

TEACHER:
Wendy.

Wendy.

(SIGHING IN ANNO YANCE)

Wendy.

What?

Thank you for returning to Earth,

Miss Wu.

Can you identify this mountain range

in northern China?

Is it...

(BELL RINGING )

Tell you tomorrow, Mr. Medina. Bye.

Wendy, could this class be

any more boring?

I know. I feel like drawing eyes

on my eyelids so I can take a nap.

(LAUGHING )

We were so perfect for each other.

Why? Why?

Lisa, get it together.

You're getting tears all over my top.

I'm sorry.

(SNIFFLING )

Thank you for letting me borrow it.

You know what's the fastest way

to get over a guy?

-Get a new guy.

-Get a new guy.

Forget it. My life stinks.

Why can't I have your perfect life, Wen?

You're the most popular girl in school,

everyone's gonna vote for you

for Homecoming Queen,

-and your boyfriend's perfect.

-No, he's not.

I got us salads, Wen.

Okay, he's a little perfect.

I mean, you don't need it

but I'm trying to cut my triceps

for short-sleeved shirts, so...

-And, you know, I got some ab videos...

-Vote for me.

-Hey, guys, want a cookie?

-That is so lame.

Yeah, you're right.

My guns already look good.

No, I mean Jessica.

JESSICA:
There you go. Have a cookie.

Thanks, guys.

Jessica Dawson is running against you

for Homecoming Queen?

(HUFFING ) I so should have

expected this.

Ever since second grade,

everything I do, she has to do.

-BO Y:
Thanks a lot.

-Well, this one's mine.

Nobody's gonna give her my vote

for a stale cookie.

-Even your brother?

-GIRL:
You've got my vote.

WEND Y:
Peter, put that down.

JESSICA:
Voting for me?

Good. Have a cookie.

(LAUGHS )

My brother, on a diet.

Football jock, you know.

JESSICA:
Thank you. Have a cookie.

Here you go.

Jessica, you're running

for Homecoming Queen?

Oh, my gosh, it's so awesome.

Well, I probably

don't stand a chance against you.

-I'm the one who should just drop out.

-Okay.

This is gonna be so much fun.

-Yeah, good luck.

-Thanks.

What is wrong with you, Peter?

-Chill out. It's just a cookie.

-Spit that out.

That looks like my brother

doesn't support his sister.

How about a little loyalty here?

Fine. I hate raisins anyway.

-JESSICA:
Hey, Austin.

-Hey, little sis.

You might wanna

check on your loyalty over there.

-Want one of my cookies?

-Sure.

Austin, spit that out!

(PETER LAUGHING )

WEND Y:
Mom, this is important.

Don't you remember?

I do my report on Florida

then she has to do hers on Texas,

just because it's bigger.

And in fourth grade, when I broke

my arm and everyone signed my cast,

Jessica had everyone sign her leg,

and it wasn't even broken.

Wendy, what do you want me to do?

I'm at work here and I have an exhibit

opening in two weeks.

But, Mom, this is supposed to be

my homecoming,

and she's gonna take it away from me

if I don't come up with a way

to get more votes.

(GASPING )

Look, honey, I understand

how important this is to you,

but the museum director

is counting on me

to put together this exhibit

of ancient Chinese artifacts,

and I'm getting stressed out

because I don't know the history

behind any of them.

(SIGHING )

You know,

I used to think my mother's stories

about the Buddhist legends

were so silly.

Should have listened to her more.

Mom, what am I gonna do

about Jessica?

You know what you're gonna do?

You're gonna forget

about homecoming for a minute

and remember that there are

some things more important in life.

Like what?

Like maybe

your responsibilities at home.

When is the last time you did

some laundry, or cleaned your room,

or fed your dog?

Good thing

your brother's such a messy eater

or poor Cupcake would have starved.

Cupcake. Yeah.

"Vote for Wendy" cupcakes.

Way better than Jessica's cookies.

Thanks, Mom.

(GRUNTS )

Sorry. Bye.

(AIRPLANE BUZZING )

(SPLAT)

(BLENDER WHIRRING )

Daddy, you have the mixer on too high.

Well, honey,

I'm an ad agency executive, not a baker.

How about I come up with a nice,

catchy slogan for you instead?

-Like what?

-Like...

How about,

"Wendy who?

Wendy Wu for Homecoming Queen!"

They really pay you for that?

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Grandma, I'm not gonna put

Chinese on my cupcakes.

No, no, no.

I was telling the widow

the doctor was really her son.

(PEOPLE CHA TTERIN G IN CHINESE

ON TV)

Why don't you watch

American soap operas

so that we could all understand?

I do. The Spanish ones.

Hi, I'm home. Sorry I'm late.

Oh, my... What happened here?

Homecoming Queen did it.

I'm not cleaning up.

NINA:
Ma, I really need your help

with this Chinese stuff

the director dumped on me.

(TV TURNS OFF)

I've done a lot of the research

but I feel like I'm missing

some of the folklore and legends.

I told you the stories.

I know you did, Ma,

but I was too little to appreciate them.

Anyway, it's not like I missed having

that Chinese culture in my life.

Just because you don't miss it

doesn't mean it isn't missing.

MAN:
Delivery.

(KE YS JINGLING )

Thanks.

It must be for this Chinese thing

they're doing here.

-See you.

-Bye.

(CRICKETS CHIRPING )

(DOG BARKING )

-I can't believe I finally finished.

-You're welcome.

Thanks, Daddy.

When I win, I'll mention you

in my acceptance speech.

Okay. Good night.

Make sure you clean up.

Wait. You're not gonna help me...

(SIGHS )

Good night.

-WEND Y:
Grandma?

-Forget it.

Your mess. You clean.

(SIGHING IN ANNO YANCE)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(SIGHING )

May I help you?

-Hello?

-Oh, sorry.

It's just that you look so

different.

-You know me?

-Yes, you're Miaozhen,

woman warrior born in the Wei Dynasty,

sworn to defeat evil.

It is your time again.

Right. It is time. Goodbye.

(WHOOSHING )

Don't be frightened.

I'm a Buddhist monk

from Gingi Mountain Temple.

Wait. How did you... You were just...

(GRUNTS )

(YELLING )

(EX CLAIMING )

(PANTING )

(EX CLAIMS )

(PULSING )

(BO X RUMBLING )

Who's in there?

Museum security.

I've got pepper spray.

(RUMBLING )

(EX CLAIMS )

(ROARING )

(SCREAMING )

(GROANING )

(GROWLING )

PETER:
Hey, Al,

your pizza's getting cold.

Hey, Al, what's up?

(GROWLING )

Right. That's $ 1 1 .43.

(GRUNTING )

Hey, that's my mom's.

(GRUNTING )

What?

(GRUNTING INSISTENTLY)

That's Wendy, my sister. You know her.

Dude, are you all right?

(EXHALING )

Your breath reeks.

(GROWLING )

(GROWLING )

(GRUNTING )

(SPUTTERING )

(EXHALING DEEPLY)

Yeah, he had a ponytail

and a cheap bathrobe.

I know.

Jessica probably sent him to scare me.

Can you believe her?

I swear, when we hand out

my killer cupcakes,

Jessica's totally gonna back off.

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