Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior Page #2

7 3 in Sacramento. 7 9 in Stockton.

-No way.

-I have a cousin in Stockton.

-Quick! Turn on Channel 5.

-Hey, Amy.

And right here in Fair Springs

it's gonna be 7 2 and partly cloudy,

but always sunny and nice

with all my friends at Fair Springs High.

She's the guest weather person?

And remember,

pick up one of my "Jessica

for Homecoming Queen" cupcakes

tomorrow.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING )

(WHIMPERING )

(WHIMPERING )

(STIRRING )

(WHIMPERING )

No! No!

(CUPCAKE GROWLING )

Whoa!

PETER:
I'm home?

Cool.

(GROANING IN PAIN)

Wow, these are really made out of clay?

Yeah, they're terra cotta warriors.

There were 6,000 of them

buried in the tomb

of the first Emperor of China

in 2 1 0 B.C.

And the Chinese Government

sent us eight of them.

-Isn't that great?

-Sure.

You see, the first Emperor,

Qin Shi Huangdi, was buried with them

because the people believed

they would guard him in the afterlife,

but they didn't.

There's a legend that says

every 90 years, they come

under the spell of Yan Lo, an evil spirit.

(FEIGNING EVIL LAUGHTER)

I've never seen you this excited

about Chinese history before.

I know. It's weird.

We didn't care about this

when we were kids, did we?

No, Everybody Wang Chung Tonight

was about as cultural as we got.

(BOTH LAUGHING )

I gotta go. Gonna be late.

(IMITATING KUNG FU)

Stop it.

The neighbors are gonna see you.

-See you later, Dad.

-Goodbye.

-Where's Peter?

-He's still sleeping.

He put this ugly necklace on me

last night.

Very funny, Peter.

I should get going, too.

I'm gonna be late.

Mom, what's this?

It's Gingi Mountain Temple.

It dates back over 1 ,500 years.

No, no, no, these bald guys.

NINA:
They're monks.

WEND Y:
Well,

don't they have ponytails?

Buddhist monks shave their heads.

Why are you asking?

No reason. Gotta go.

Hey, hey,

aren't you taking your cupcakes?

No, you take them. Bye.

But there's 500 of them. Wendy!

(DOOR CLOSING )

(GRANDMA SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(DOOR CLOSING )

-TORY:
Hey, Wen, do you want a ride?

-Sure.

(POP MUSIC PLA YIN G

ON CAR S TEREO )

Wait!

-You must wear this.

-Let's go.

It will protect you.

For your sake, Wendy,

you must wear this!

-Who's that?

-How should I know? Just go.

I think he knows you.

(SIGHING )

So just because he IMs me

he thinks I'll come running back.

What a jerk.

Look, you just stay strong and proud,

and if he IMs you again,

we'll start a rumor that you're already

going out with a senior, right?

Right?

Oh, you didn't.

-You're back with him?

-Just a little.

Do you believe her, Wen?

Wen?

What?

-Are you all right?

-LISA:
Yeah.

You're not still thinking about

that guy in the bathrobe, are you?

No, of course not. Why?

'Cause here he comes.

Go! The light's green! Go!

(TIRES SCREECHING )

SHEN:
Wendy!

(GIRLS SCREAMING )

Wendy! Stop!

Please!

Stop!

You're in danger! Stop!

Please!

(EX CLAIMING )

(SCREAMING )

Ow!

(GASPING )

(PANTING )

SHEN:
Wendy!

-Well, that was really weird.

-Bizarre.

I say we act like that never happened.

-Cool.

-Absolutely.

COACH:
Come on, girls.

Pick it up. Pick it up.

Hey, Wendy.

Did you see me on TV last night?

-No, you were on TV?

-Yeah.

-I did the weather on Channel 5.

-Oh, sorry, I missed it.

I was out with Austin. Hey, Austin!

COACH:
Pass it on the inside.

(JESSICA EX CLAIMING )

COACH:
On the wing.

Keep your head in the game, Wendy.

(WHISTLE BLOWING )

COACH:
Nice play, Jessica.

Saw you on TV last night.

You're gonna make

a great Homecoming Queen.

JESSICA:
Thanks, Coach Gibbs.

COACH:
Jessica, why don't you

goalie for a while?

Tina! You're in.

GIRL 1 :
There you go.

There you go. Watch it.

GIRL 2:
Over here.

GIRL 1 :
There you go.

There you go. Watch it.

GIRL 1 :
Pass me the ball.

COACH:
Come on, girls.

COACH:
That's it. Pick it up. Energy!

(YELLING )

(EX CLAIMING )

GIRL 3:
Yes! Way to go!

-Nice hustle.

-GIRL 4:
Jessica.

COACH:
Okay, let's give her

some air, ladies.

-GIRL 5:
Are you okay?

-How did you do that?

-WEND Y:
I don't know.

-She had it coming.

TORY:
She's trying

to steal your popularity.

(BOTH GIGGLING )

-GIRL 1 :
Nice work.

-Okay.

I think I'm giving it to her.

(CHUCKLING )

How'd you get in here, fella?

(GROWLING )

COACH:
That's it, girls. Keep it up.

-Push it.

-Oh, not you.

Look, why are you following me?

What do you want?

Please, you are in much danger.

Did you put that on me last night?

How'd you get in my house?

I think you're starting to creep me out.

I'm turning you in.

Believe me. I'm a Buddhist monk

who has come a great distance

to find you.

And that's another thing.

You are not a monk.

Buddhist monks shave their heads,

so there.

I was allowed to grow my hair

so that I might fit in when I found you.

I don't know what fashion magazines

you've been reading,

but a stringy ponytail and a weird robe

is not fitting in.

But it is my destiny to help you.

Evil is near.

Look, the only evil I know

is my history teacher

and Jessica Dawson.

And I don't think you can help me

with them.

You find you have skills

you cannot explain.

-What do you mean?

-That kick on the field.

-Crude but very powerful.

-It's a bicycle kick.

Your ancestors would call it

dragon whips tail.

Okay, look,

I'll admit there's been some weird stuff

going on with me lately,

so I'm gonna give you,

like, a minute to tell me what's up.

I have been reincarnated many times

over the centuries

to assist the descendant

of the Yin warrior

to battle evil in the name of good.

You know, Yoda, this is already

getting a little too Star Wars-y for me.

The evil is imprisoned

in the Ganzi jade globe.

It's called Yan Lo, a powerful spirit.

(SARCASTICALLY) Ooh, scary.

Every 90 years the globe weakens,

allowing him to break free

and possess the bodies of mortals

to challenge the next descendant

of the Yin warrior.

That kind of looks like me.

I really don't like where this is going.

You must follow in the steps

of your ancestors.

It is your turn to defeat Yan Lo.

Me? Well, what if I don't?

Famine, earthquakes,

oceans rising, locusts,

fires, drought, darkness...

Okay, okay, I get it. It's bad.

Oh, there you are, Wen.

Hey, we're going to the mall.

You wanna come with?

Your kung fu training must begin now.

Wait up, guys! I've got a new skirt

with no matching lipstick.

I don't get it. How could you not know

that he was coming to visit?

Tory, I told you. He's from China.

It's not their custom to call first.

Well, why is he dressed like that?

He's not gonna hang around you

all the time, is he?

No, look,

can we not talk about this anymore?

(PHONE BEEPIN G)

-What does he want?

-Oh, hang on. I've got another call.

-Hello?

-Hey, I still don't get it.

How could you not know

you had a cousin in China?

Hang on. Let me three-way.

Look, you guys,

my cousin's practically leaving already.

So it'll probably be better

for the homecoming vote

if we just kept him a secret.

You know, if Jessica found out,

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