Were The World Mine

Come on, boys!

That was pathetic!

I wanna see sweat!

Hey, you playin'?

Timothy needs a ball!

He needs my balls!

You wish.

- Ready, boys?

- Ready, sir!

Ready,

fancy feet?

Excellent, men!

Showers!

Hey, you're gonna be late

for that Shakes-queer crap.

Who cares!

That crap's like 400 years old.

It doesn't make sense.

It does to anyone with a brain.

A brain, but no dick!

All I know is rugby!

Rugby rocks! Give it up!

Good try.

We're so proud of you, Timmy!

My name's Timothy.

My name's Timothy, too!

- Need some ice?

- I can handle it.

Nice eye shadow.

Gentlemen!

You will not disrespect

a soul in here.

Today, I challenge you

to write in verse.

Remembering

William Shakespeare,

scribe away your thoughts

and feelings boldly on a page.

"What angel wakes me

from my flow'ry bed?"

"What angel wakes me

from my flow'ry bed?"

"I pray thee gentle mortal,

sing again."

"I pray thee

gentle mortal, sing again. "

"Love looks not with

the eyes, but with the mind;"

"Love looks not with the

eyes, but with the mind;"

"And therefore is wing'd

cupid painted blind."

"And therefore is

wing'd cupid painted blind. "

# OH, TIMOTHY...

TIMOTHY #

# OH, TIMOTHY... #

Timothy...

Oh, Timothy.

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM...

the spring senior play.

Auditions are Friday.

I'm not an actor.

All the world's a stage.

Awaken and empower

what's within.

I'd rather not.

Here he comes!

Your boyfriend is... mmm!

You like watching us

out there?

I love watching you play.

I bet you do.

Haaa!!!

Someone's jumpy today.

What the hell

happened to you?

Ouch!

- Was it a golfball?

- Nope.

Right, no blood.

# POOR PATHETIC GAY FOOL,

IN AN ALL-DUDE SCHOOL #

# WHERE ARE THE

POLICE OF STEREO TYPE? #

# SAVE OUR BOY FROM ALL

THIS OVERLY BELEAGUERED #

# AND OBVIOUS HYPE #

- Was it a basketball?

- Not in season.

# OH I'M IN A TIZZY

'BOUT MY FRIEND TIMMY #

# IT'S SUCH A PITY,

MY FRIEND TIMMY #

# POOR, POOR, POOR,

POOR, POOR, POOR... #

Baseball?

# THE BALLS THEY JUS DON'T STOP COMIN'

# TOO BAD THEY AIN' THE BALLS HE'S WANTIN'

# THE IRON Y

IS JUST AS SAD #

# AS THE POOR HORN DOG

BEFORE MY EYES. #

It was a dodgeball.

That's boring.

Where's the PE-free school?

State law...

Fags play one hour of sports

a day and they get beat up.

Need a bodyguard?

What you need to do is stand

up and fight for yourself.

Since when did you start

giving advice like that?

Since I started my own

personal revolution.

You gonna be

in Ms. T's play?

I don't have a choice.

Come on.

- I heard she's a dyke.

- Ms. Tebbit?

Drinks soy milk.

I drink soy milk!

Plays guitar...

makes her own

clothes,

emancipated herself

from her parents

when she was 16.

I'm not a lesbian.

That's your fantasy!

I'm hetero-flexible.

You know, why don't you

two just get it on already!

I've tried.

Have you?

Hetero-flexible?

I'm straight, but sh*t happens.

Let's go, lovebirds!

# OH I'M IN A TIZZY

'BOUT MY FRIEND TIMMY #

# IT'S SUCH A PITY,

MY FRIEND TIMMY #

Timmy?

Timothy, sugar!

I need your muscles a minute.

Thanks for the help, boys.

That's fine, honey.

I'll get it later.

You're home early.

No, I'm not.

What happened?

It was an accident.

So was that.

Why do I work my ass off

to put you in that

goddamn school?

You finally got a job?

You're father was right.

I don't have a father!

I should just lock you

up in your room.

Do you know

what I'm sacrificing?

Tell him I did get a job.

It was just a dodgeball.

Honey!

So what do you

think of these?

They're perfect, actually.

Harder!

- I look sexy.

- You look really good.

Smile, b*tch.

Just 'cause I'm wearin'

this dress doesn't mean...

Hey, girl!

Hot fire! Hot fire!

So what dead drag queen was it

that you stole these boots from?

It was my mom, actually.

Oh, your mom? She died?

What?

Night, sugar.

Don't screw this up.

Yes?

Hi, I'm Donna.

Not interested.

What is it?

I'm here for the training.

Oh... Donna.

Do come in.

It's quite atrocious out there.

I thought you were due

to come on Thursday.

Oh, well, c'est la vie.

How are you this afternoon?

Your spirits?

- I'm good.

- Good - No.

First lesson:

You're never good;

At Nora Fay, you're grand!

Don't worry, darling.

It's only water.

Lu, lu, lu, lu, lu...

I'm better without the piano.

I'll take your word.

This sh*t is thick.

Well, don't rub so hard, dear.

Here...

Like that, you see...

Gently.

There.

Now let's move on to lips.

Is that your normal shade?

Let's see...

With your coloring,

I would say maybe...

Lilac Delight.

Yes!

Strong women wear lipstick.

Too strong.

"I see their knavery.

This is to make

an ass of me.

To fright..."

Is this a girl's part?

You are dismissed.

Just so you know,

I'm growing out a goatee.

Oh?

Delightful!

Time's up!

We have ten minutes more.

What a team.

Your time is up!

Your little warriors

may enter in ten minutes.

Until then, the stage is ours.

That stage made

for better storage.

Where were we?

I was about to make

a fool of myself.

My dear, do not limit yourself.

Nora Fay can take you

to the edge of your imagination

and beyond.

Is this you?

Was.

- You a singer?

- Was.

Was this your husband?

Is.

Really?

In front of Morgan Hill?

Enough questions...

My kid just started there.

Did yours go there?

Oh, God, no!

I bore no children.

I thank the Lord above

for the grace he gave me

just to spawn Nora Fay.

Come, dear.

"And the youth, mistook by me,

Pleading for a lover's fee."

I don't even know

what I'm saying.

That will come.

"Shall we their

fond pageant see?

Lord, what fools

these mortals be!"

Agreed, indeed!

Let's sing.

Sing?

Now you.

- I don't know it.

- Follow me.

Lu, lu, lu...

With the lyrics...

A deep breath.

# WE FAIRIES, THAT DO RUN #

# FROM THE PRESENCE

OF THE SUN #

# WE FOLLOW...

DARKNESS #

# LIKE A DREAM... #

# LIKE A DREAM #

Who's that?

# WE FAIRIES,

THAT DO RUN #

# FROM THE PRESENCE

OF THE SUN #

# WE FOLLOW...

DARKNESS #

# LIKE A DREAM... #

# LIKE A DREAM #

# ALL BE AS THOU

WAST WONT TO BE #

# SEE AS THOU WAS WONT TO SEE #

# BE AS THOU WAS WONT TO BE #

# SEE AS THOU

WAST WONT TO SEE... #

Looks like I'm one

of the lovers.

I'm not shaving.

At least you're not

the jackass.

At least the jackass

doesn't have to wear a dress!

What is Thisby?

Is that a chick?

Congratulations, gentlemen.

Awaken and empower

what's within!

Nice pipes.

I heard your audition.

I saw the list.

Good afternoon.

It's going to be superb.

So many fascinating...

I thought I told you my boys

don't got time for those parts.

Must I remind you that

Morgan Hill philosophy

clearly states that academics

transcends athletics?

Larry'll side with me

on this one.

I'll note you in my

book of memory.

Puck!

He's Puck in the play.

- What play?

- The senior play.

He's the main fairy.

- A fairy?

- It's a great part.

A fairy?!

A kick-ass fairy.

You have lines to memorize.

We need a plan of attack.

This is great.

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