West Is West Page #5

You came back.

Come, let's go back home.

Here.

Sajid.

Who are you waving at?

Oh, I thought I saw Pir Naseem.

Aye up, Mam, they're coming.

Quick, bend.

Mam!

He'll be more impressed with three.

He'd better be,

'cause I'm only going to be

turning the bleedin' tap on in England.

All right, Sajid?

All right, Nelly? This is our Maneer.

All right, Maneer?

Yeah. Yeah, hiya.

- I mean, salam alaikum.

- Wa alaikum salam.

Been here long have you?

Um, about...

Year or so, eh, Maneer?

Yeah, year or so.

And you're looking to get married,

I hear.

- Am I?

- Yes, you are.

- Yes, I am.

- So am I.

- Did he say...

- Is he all there,

- or does he want it in sign language?

- Sorry.

Excuse me, I've got...

Oi! I've got three pots

on me head, you know!

- So what do you think, then?

- I love a decisive man, me.

- Is that a yes, then?

- Not pushy or owt, are you?

You better bring him round

to meet me mam.

Now sod off

so I can get rid of these bleedin' pots

before they do me neck in.

Yes!

Who is she? Where does she come from?

How do you know her?

Her name's Neelam Haqq.

She's from Rochdale

- and she works in the dentist's.

- What else?

She's got nice teeth, ain't she?

She's not engaged or married or owt,

is she?

Keep your hair on.

I've arranged for everything, all right?

We'll go and meet her mam,

who I know quite well,

so I don't foresee any problems.

So does she meet with your satisfaction,

or shall I tell her you don't fancy her?

No! I like her. She looks...

She looks like...

I know.

I'm great, me, aren't I?

Well, come in, if you're coming in.

Uh...

I wanted, uh, ask you

for help me.

Oh, yeah?

Maneer, he tell me

he see girl in village.

Our Sajid said.

He ask if possible arrange engagement.

Will you come with me?

If you think it'll help.

Yeah?

All years in England,

I think about Pakistan.

Wife and the children.

You don't have to say anything.

No, Ella.

All years I send money,

I think I good man,

look after family here.

But I not really think about them.

You know?

What happening. How their lives are.

When I bring Sajid here,

when I see them,

it make me feel so bad inside.

It make me feel like I wanting die.

Is why I stay here so long.

I ashamed myself.

I know, George.

You good woman, Ella.

Always looking after me,

believing in me.

Even when people call you name

on a street

because you are with a Pakistani man.

I see how they make you feel.

But you never care.

You take my arm

and walk with me.

And I treat you like this.

I sorry. I'm... I wrong.

George.

I love you, Ella.

I love you, too, you daft bugger.

- Salam alaikum, Ji.

- Wa alaikum as-salam.

Oh, God.

I didn't think you were gonna come.

Hot, isn't it?

Did you find it hot when you got here?

I was sweating cobs, me,

when I first came. Weren't I, Mam?

Drenched in it, I was.

I know your Sajid were and all.

Oh, he's dead nice, him, isn't he?

I bet he's a handful, though.

Told me all he'd been up to.

God, what a little bleeder...

Sorry. I'm dead nervous, me.

I just run off at the mouth

like I'm doing now.

Mrs Khan?

Oh, God! "Mrs Khan"!

I'll be Mrs Khan and all, soon!

Funny that, isn't it?

Mrs Khan number two.

Uh, three.

Oh, yeah? 'Cause of, um...

Thingmebob.

Very good.

Thank you very much.

Write to me, knobhead.

Sajid.

Who holds Zam-Zammah...

Holds the Punjab.

You all right, Eunice?

Ah, ta.

Eh, my lot can't get enough

of your kebabs, Annie.

Well, it's an old family recipe.

Isn't it, George?

Uh-huh.

Want a cup of tea?

I'll have a half a cup.

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