What Happened Last Night Page #8

She is the ho.

Dude, Joe, I'm so drunk.

No sh*t.

How many have you had?

I have no idea.

A... a lot.

More than Freshie?

Hell, yeah, more than Freshie.

I can drink anyone

under the table.

How many times

do you wanna say that tonight?

I have no idea.

Where's that chick?

What chick? Mindy?

Dude, I don't know.

She's cute, man.

So is her friend.

Freshie, how the hell are you

still drinking milk, man?

That's impressive, Freshie.

Dude, he totally puked

all over you.

No!

Come on, man,

let's go get you cleaned up.

Come on, man. Come on.

Come on.

Okay, Sarah. Whoa.

Oh, my god. Come on, honey.

Come on.

Come on. I know.

You got him

uh-huh.

This is ridiculous.

I know, honey.

I know.

Come on. Ugh.

I'm not blind.

I saw you looking at her.

I wasn't.

You were!

Hi.

You were doing it again.

No, she looked familiar.

Hello, ladies.

Shut the door.

Were busy.

Get out.

Oh, my god. Okay.

There.

Oh.

I know, I'm sorry.

Close the door.

All my fault.

This sucks.

I know. Bed. Oh, bed.

Come on.

Mindy, I'm all wet.

I know, I know.

It's all my fault.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Just... it's gonna be be okay,

all right?

Yeah.

Why did she do that to me?

I don't know, baby.

Look, this is what

we're gonna do.

We're gonna get you cleaned,

get you out of this dress.

I'm... look at me. Look...

No... look... look at me.

We're gonna get you

out of the dress, clean it,

and then we're gonna go home,

okay? Yeah?

Now, go get you something

to put on.

Stop playing with your dress.

Stop playing with yourself.

Here, wear this.

Ew.

They might be dirty.

I'm not wearing them.

Oh, my god. Then just smell it.

Put it on.

I'm not smelling them.

Are they yours?

Yes, Sarah.

They're mine and they're clean.

Now, put them on.

Let's find you a shirt

or something to put on.

Sarah. Sarah!

Come on, Sarah.

Wake up.

Oh, my god.

Sarah, come on.

Wake up, Sarah.

Come on. Come on, Sarah

wake up!

And up.

Oh, my god. Sarah, come on.

Look.

They're playing beer pong

outside.

Come on, look, throw the ball.

Come on, Sarah.

Throw the ball.

Come on, Sarah.

We're playing beer pong.

Fine.

Fine, of course.

I have to do everything

for this child.

Every freaking thing.

Come on, Sarah, come on.

Come on.

At least you wore the black bra.

Kind of cute.

Oh, my goodness gracious.

Oh, my god.

Okay, come on, Sarah.

We're gonna put...

Put you pants on, Sarah.

Come on, do it.

See, see the pants.

Put them on. Put them on.

Oh, my god, I'm usually trying

to get your pants off.

I just want you to put

the freaking pants on.

Sarah, put on the pants.

Come on. Really?

Okay. We are gonna do this.

Oh, my gosh. Sarah.

At least she shaves, yeah.

If somebody comes in here,

I swear to god.

I swear.

What am I gonna do with you?

What am I gonna do?

Come on, wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Come on, Sarah.

Wake up, you drunk.

Come on.

Shoes first.

The shoes have got to go.

Why did you wear these boots?

Oh, my god.

Really?

Are you kidding me?

I bring you to a party

and you don't even get

a pedicure.

Why the freaking boots.

Oh, my goodness gracious.

Let's get you up.

Come on, get you to bed, Sarah.

Come on. Oh, my god.

Look, I'm not gonna hold this

over your head,

but there is no way

that I'm going over

and cleaning those dishes.

Your legs are nice,

your ass is hot.

Get your ass into bed.

Come on.

Oh, my god,

oh, my god, oh, my god,

somebody's coming.

Somebody's coming.

Oh, my god.

We gotta get you

under the thing.

Get you under the cushions

and the covers.

Yes.

Feet!

Okay, clothes, okay,

no dead bodies in here.

No, hand.

Okay. Okay.

You, can you breathe? Yeah.

You, you stay there.

I'm gonna go dry your dress,

and then we're gonna go home,

okay?

Don't you move, okay.

Don't you move.

Ow!

Come on in.

The water's fine.

Don't even think about it.

Oh.

Oh, my god.

Is there laundry room in here?

Yeah,

go down the hall make a right,

and go down the stairs

make a left.

Okay, thank you so much.

She's hot.

I know.

Okay, come on. Right here.

All right.

Danny.

Yeah?

You stink.

I know.

Beer and milk don't mix.

No sh*t.

You all right? At least you

didn't get any in your hair.

I think I need a change

of clothes.

Yeah. I'll run home

and get you some.

Why don't you just give me

those smelly rags

and I'll throw them in the wash?

Or burn them or something.

I'm sorry, dude.

You know,

this is all your fault.

I know.

I'm sorry.

Where's Freshie?

I'm gonna kick his ass.

Yeah, you definitely drank him

under the table, though.

That's what I've been trying

to say this whole time.

Like a child.

Just lay back and go to sleep.

Okay.

And I'll wake you up

when I get back.

Okay.

Good, okay, there you go.

I'm sorry, dude.

Dan?

Under the table my ass.

Hi there.

I didn't think

you'd still be here.

Of course. Where else

would I be during a frat party?

Yeah, because the laundry room

is the obvious choice.

Oh, my god, what is that smell?

You don't wanna know.

Yo, skidmark! Get in here!

Just burn those.

Gamma pi, gamma high...

Save it, mark.

Run back to my apartment

and get some clothes for Danny.

Look in the black dresser

in the brown bedroom.

Uh, anything in particular

I should get?

Jeans and a shirt? What do I

look like, Tommy Hilfiger?

Just go grab some clothes,

skidmark.

Yes, senior brother Crosby.

Right away, sir.

Oh, and skidmark.

Yes, sir.

Burn these.

Yes, sir.

Really?

What?

Come on, that is just pathetic.

Oh, come on.

We're just having fun.

No, to each his own,

to each his own, come on.

Don't you have a party

or something to get to?

What, you trying

to get rid of me?

No, I would just assume that,

you'd rather be somewhere else

than the laundry room here.

Yeah, but you're here.

And?

And I would hate for you

to wait all by yourself

for the clothes to dry.

Look...

It's a 26-minute cycle,

I'm a big girl.

I can sit alone, okay?

Yeah, but it doesn't seem

like it would be very fun.

Is that right.

But it would be fun

if you were here with me?

That's up to you.

Is that right?

It was Joe, right?

You know, Joe,

in 26 minutes

a lot of stuff can happen.

It's all I need.

Got the clothes...

Goddamn it, skidmark.

Sorry, here.

I'm so sorry.

Sorry about that.

I've got to go get Sarah,

I'm so sorry.

Maybe I'll see you

around campus.

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

Danny, let's go, bud.

What?

What is going on?

Dude, nice.

That's pretty good, man.

Dude, Dan, Dan.

Dan.

Hey, Sarah are you ready to...?

Uh, what's going on?

Um...

I put my friend to bed up here,

and he was all my himself.

There was no one else up here.

No, no, no.

When I brought Sarah in here

nobody was in bed with her.

Okay, well,

I didn't put them together.

I'm just trying

to help my friend out, okay?

He's a little drunk.

Wait, let me see this.

I take it

that these are your friends?

Yeah. What are you doing?

Well, it seems we have

a little coincidence

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes