What If... Page #3

---

giving a Warm Welcome

to our new pastor,

Reverend Dr. Benjamin Walker.

Okay.

Uh, hi, it's a... it's good

to see you all here.

Some of you are

With your families.

I'm With my family as Well.

Wendy there with Megan

and my other daughter

Whose name escapes me

at the moment.

Oh, you know I

got my Bible here.

Yup, it's... you're probably

expecting me to read from

the Bible, right, 'cause that's

What a lot of preachers do.

You know,

I'm a little different.

You know, I... I...

The Bible's old.

It's really old.

So I think it'd be good to talk

about some modern things.

You know, 'cause things,

things are important,

and We all need certain things.

And God, he Wants us to have

What We need, right?

Noah, look, there's Noah.

He had an ark.

Noah had an ark.

And Well, he couldn't have

afforded to build

the ark Without money.

You know, so God obviously

wants us to have money.

And God wants us to be happy.

So, so...

...try to make more money,

so you can buy things,

and then you'll be happy.

God bless you.

Oh, um...

Uh, that Was our

message for today.

Make more money?

Are you out of your mind?

I Was, you know,

completely unprepared.

But you had 3 Weeks

to learn that sermon,

Which I might add, only lasted

less than a minute.

The collection Was down

about 70% from last Week

When We had a prayer service

Without a minister.

Oh, that not using the Bible

thing, that Was different.

Well, you know,

it's important to keep it fresh.

Yup.

Uh-oh.

You should be

ashamed of yourself.

If Pastor McKennett

Wasn't already gone,

that sermon Would

have killed him.

Personally, I thought

it Was great.

No Wasted time.

Right to the point.

Things are good,

make more money.

It Works for me.

See you next Week, Reverend.

Don't count on it.

Hey, you know, I'd really

prefer to get to know

his parents a little bit more

before they get too close.

I'll take care of this.

I got it.

I didn't know you

Went to this church.

I didn't know

the new pastor Was your dad.

His sermon Was...

Oh, I know

he can be such...

Can you give us a moment?

What do you care?

After all, I'm just the daughter

Whose name escapes you

at the moment, right?

We like to have fun,

don't We?

But seriously, though, I need

to have a few words

With this young man.

Look, kid, I'm new

to this father thing,

but I know a deal closer

When I see one.

You're new to

the father thing?

Yeah, so here,

I'll give you 80 bucks

to stay away

from my daughter.

Apparently, it's all I've got.

Are you serious?

Oh, yeah.

But no phone calls,

no stopping by to chat,

no working on homework together.

As of this moment,

she doesn't exist, you got it?

Uh-huh.

Okay, you can leave noW.

Bye-bye, thanks.

Okay.

Wait!

Hey!

What is Wrong With him?

... I don't know.

Come on!

Mike!

Come on, I'm right here.

Why didn't you stop?

Does this look

like a taxi to you?

So have you

figured it out yet?

It's a dream, right?

A long, involved, incredibly

complex and convoluted dream.

You feel pain

in a dream?

No, Why?

Ah!

What'd you do that for?

Well, noW We can

rule out a dream.

But delusions, Well,

that's a lot trickier.

You see, they come With taste

and smell, and the Whole deal.

Well, how can you tell

the difference?

Well, it usually takes

another person,

a disinterested third party

to confirm or deny

that What you perceive is real.

And that Would be you?

Oh yeah, sure.

I could do that for ya.

Just... just so I'm clear,

you honestly expect me

to believe that

you're an angel?

I don't expect

anything from you.

I am what I am.

Well, then prove it.

Do something angelic.

I'm not allowed to use my

power While in earthly form.

You have an answer

for everything.

Not everything.

I don't know What's

Wrong With your car.

Okay, you know,

accepting for the moment

the ridiculous notion that you

are an angel, What is this?

What's Wendy doing here?

Why does everyone act

like they know me?

Oh, that's simple.

It's called the great What if.

What if?

Yeah, see,

every noW and then

he chooses someone

to re-examine their life.

What if you had said yes

instead of no?

What if you had made

different decisions?

What if the Lord was calling

and you answered the call?

And What if, Well, you followed

God's plan for your life

instead of your own?

Well, apparently, I Would

be a second-rate preacher

at a third-rate church

in Clearville.

Well, you knew

what you had.

You just have to see

What you passed up.

Why?

Well, I think it's probably

better if you figure that out.

What if I don't Want to?

Of course you don't Want to.

Humans never Want to do

What's good for 'em.

Anyway, it's good to be you.

That's What you said before.

So this is all part

of being you.

Well, that's

not good enough.

It better be 'cause that's

all you're gonna get.

Excuse me, I got Work to do.

Angel.

I thought you

Weren't coming.

We already prayed.

You can sit down.

Meatloaf, that's awesome.

What are you talking about?

It's your favorite.

No, no, I mean it.

It's awesome.

It's leaving me

in a cold sweat

contemplating the culinary

triumphs still to come.

Where Were you, daddy?

If you must know, I Was

having an argument

With an angel.

Did he have Wings?

No, he had

greased-stained coveralls.

What?

Why, he's a mechanic.

He had bad breath

and a nine-dollar hair cut.

Mmm, this angel,

What did he say to you?

We both agree on Ben Walker,

but I'm not your Ben Walker.

See, more specifically,

I'm not your husband,

and I'm not their father.

Is daddy having

a nervous breakdown?

You know, you're all

very sweet in your own

parallel universe,

"It's a Wonderful Life"

sort of Way.

And if I had to choose a family

to be my make-believe family,

it Would be you.

Girls, go to your rooms.

Your daddy and I need to talk.

NoW.

First you move us here.

You uproot the girls from their

friends and home to get back

to the pastoral Work that you

Want to do for a church

that needs you,

and I supported you.

But the first thing you do When

you get here is you alienate

yourself from the congregation,

insult and ignore everyone

that talks to you, including me

and the girls,

and you act as if you

barely even know me.

Is there something

you Want to tell me?

Wendy, I know you're

gonna think I'm crazy,

but I'm the Ben Walker Who's

a successful investment banker

at a huge firm.

And the reason I'm having

trouble being Pastor Ben is

that I haven't set foot inside

a church in over 15 years.

In my real life, I just closed

a complex but profitable deal.

Our fees alone Were

only $25 million.

And at the moment,

I'm supposed to be

in Paris celebrating With...

This Ben Walker

you're talking about,

What's he doing here?

Apparently, I'm supposed

to figure it out on my own.

Well, that man

you just described...

...I didn't marry him.

The sheets go down first,

then the blanket.

Gotcha.

Are you and mom

gonna get a divorce?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes