What Love Is Page #3
- R
- Year:
- 2007
- 93 min
- 2,903 Views
That's horrible.
Frightening.
It's almost enough
to make you wanna turn gay.
Oh, my god, I'm so excited,
Someone get me a red bull.
Wayne!
Hey, dawg.
You got my message.
Didn't tell me she was coming.
Where you been?
I've been calling you all week.
In Hawaii,
planning a wedding.
They're legalizing gay marriages
down there now.
They're so smart.
It's gonna boom their economy.
Just what the world needs,
Samoan fags.
Wow, a wedding. Who's
getting married? Anyone we know?
Yeah, silly. Me.
Get out of here.
What are you talking about?
I'm serious. His name's Kwame...
And he's from
the Virgin Islands.
Let me tell you, sweetheart,
after this weekend,
that boy is definitely not
a virgin, mm-Kay? Heh-heh.
Anyway, he's on his way
over here right now
because I wanted you all
to meet him.
Are you out of your mind?
You are so f***ed up.
Oh, so you're getting married.
That's terrific.
I don't know what to say.
Say you'll come to Hawaii
and be my best man.
Are you serious?
Yes, I'm serious.
Who else would I choose?
Bring Sara down with you...
And the four of us
will have a blast.
What? What did I say?
You said plenty, a**hole.
Our boy got dumped tonight.
What? Why?
She said
she needed her space.
And that ho didn't think
she had enough between her legs?
Wayne.
I'm sorry,
but nobody breaks Tommy's heart
and gets away with it.
She's an actress.
"Oh, hi, Sara,
how are you?"
"Oh, me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me, me, me. "
I swear to god, I'd ask her
how she was doing,
and she'd tell me how she once
got a callback for Matlock.
That's a woman who thinks
her entire self-worth
is determined by her rsum.
You can't be dealing with that.
You need someone
somebody that'll take
care of you.
Someone who's nurturing.
Yeah, man,
nurturing b*tches.
I love me nurturing b*tches.
They are the best.
Don't get me wrong,
they gotta be good-looking.
I can't be dealing with
no ugly-ass nurturing b*tches.
Know what I'm saying?
I'm telling you...
This is god's way
of trying to tell you
you're supposed
to date men.
Oh, sure,
that's what I need.
A nice hairy ass.
That'll solve everything.
Don't start with that
f*ggot sh*t tonight, Wayne.
I don't wanna hear it.
It was a joke. I was kidding.
Bullshit.
You do it all the time.
It's all part of the subliminal
mind meld, f*ggot sh*t
you fags pull all the time.
Only I can see the sh*t coming
all the way from Cleveland.
Sal.
Don't think I'm not on to you.
say something there.
You drop a line about this
and next thing,
everyone's sucking dick.
Come on, Sal.
Oh, come on, my ass.
Oh, I'd love to,
but I'm engaged.
You see what I mean?
You fags are like
Jehovah witnesses
or vampires or something.
As soon as one of you
thinks you're gay,
you want everyone else
in the world to be gay, too.
Think they're gay? Uh, no.
First of all, I don't think
I'm gay, Sal, I am gay.
And secondly, I don't want you
to convert, okay?
I wouldn't wish that
on any man.
I was simply trying to get tom's
mind off the subject of women.
You guys are so pathetic,
I'll bet you before I got here,
that's all you were
talking about.
Of course it was.
Look at yourselves.
You guys are worse
than a bunch of girls.
I know
spends their time
or their careers,
where they want to travel to,
the last fight they got into.
Something. Even if it's mundane
and prehistoric,
it's something other than women.
Have you ever overheard
a conversation between women?
What is it always about?
Men. That's it.
That's all they ever talk about.
And you guys
are worse than them.
I'm actually
starting to wonder
if there's a set of balls
between you three.
All right, I can only handle
being chastised by a fag
for so long.
At least as long as my father's
on this earth.
Oh, well, that's really clever.
Hey, why don't you just go
gay bashing
with some
of your hoodlum friends
and save us the subtlety
of your innuendo.
you, you big f***ing queen.
I mean, who in the hell
are you, anyways,
you confused, f***ed up,
backwards cocksucker?
You think you know who you are
'cause you can express yourself?
'Cause you're out of the closet
and you can be the real you?
Come on, Sal.
No, f*** that, Tommy.
I know I'm not supposed
to say anything here,
'cause as a white,
heterosexual male,
by definition, I'm wrong about
everything from jump street.
I know that. I know I can't win.
But you see this kid here?
This kid used to be
one of my best friends.
And all of a sudden,
Now he tells me
he's gonna marry a f***ing man.
And I gotta sit here
and pretend like I dig that?
I don't even know how
to f***ing deal with that, okay?
And maybe I've had a little
too much to drink tonight,
and maybe I'll apologize
to Wayne-o in the morning,
but for right now, I'm gonna
rip him a new f***ing a**hole.
Ooh, that sounds fun.
Verbally, you pervert.
Let me explain something
to you, all right?
You are not gay, okay?
You understand?
You were born a man. And unless
you're a hermaphrodite,
mother nature does not f*** up.
Being gay's not physical.
It's a mental thing,
it's a psychological situation.
You were probably molested
as a little kid.
You got f***ed up and insecure
about your sexuality
when you hit puberty,
and you thought to yourself,
"my gosh, I must be gay. "
Well, you're not.
You were born a little boy.
You didn't speak
with that lisp,
that f***ing...
pfft... thing, either.
You're putting that on like an
accent. That is an affectation.
When you were a kid, you didn't
act all fruity like you do now.
Don't forget, Wayne-o.
Motherf***er...
I've known you
since elementary school.
It is a proven fact
that some people are born gay.
It's not psychological,
it's physical.
A certain portion of the brain...
which portion?
I don't know,
the thalamus or something.
The thalamus or something?
The hypothalamus.
The hypothalamus?
I don't know!
Just some certain stem thing
in the brain
grows different in the brain
of gay men. It's a proven fact.
Says who?
Says doctors.
Which doctors?
Medical doctors.
No, I'm not.
Medical doctors have proven...
do you know their names?
What?
You heard me, motherf***er.
Don't stall for time.
did you hear it's a proven fact?
But everybody knows...
but everybody knows.
I see. Very interesting. Hmm.
but everybody knows
it's a proven fact.
That sounds like
a rumor to me.
See, I happen to know
the name of the doctor
that said he proved that theory.
I know the names of doctors
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