What Love Is Page #9

I'm trying to tell you here?

No.

It's not about the sex, sweetie.

It never is.

Anybody can have sex.

It's about

the walk up the stairs.

Okay.

Is it me, or is everybody else

on this planet

just absolutely crazy?

Oh, no,

we're all definitely crazy.

It's just the ones who think

that they're not

that you have to

worry about.

What do I know?

I don't know anything.

This is bad. This is bad.

This is really, really,

really bad.

Relax, tom.

Relax?

There are girls in my apartment,

hot girls, drinking.

When Sara gets here, she's gonna

think I'm being totally blas.

No, she's not.

Yes, she is.

She's not gonna think

you're blas.

The girls here could work out

to your advantage.

How? Chicks see you with other chicks...

It seems to make 'em

want you more.

I'm not out with these chicks.

She doesn't know that.

You really think I want her

to think that?

Sal, I'd be done for sure.

You're broken up.

Do whatever you want.

It's been an hour. So?

So? So?

You're either broken up or not,

no gray area.

People get f***ed up

in the in-between stage.

You're not together, but not

supposed to f*** anyone else.

Yeah, the one who fools around

first is the bad guy.

"I can't believe

you're with someone else.

It's only been two weeks. "

Whoever doesn't move on

always feels like

they got hit by a truck.

Yeah, but I don't

wanna move on.

You may not want to feel like

you got hit by a truck.

I already do

feel like I got hit.

You may wanna have

another drink.

Whoo, let me have

one of those, too.

Scotch, rocks.

Hello. I'm Katherine.

Hi. Ken. Uh, of course

you know Sal. And this is tom.

When's she getting here?

Great, everybody knows.

Any second.

Really?

Do you want us to go?

No, no, no. I'm still trying

to think out my strategy.

You ever think about using us?

See?

Maybe.

Well, feel free, honey.

Women always want

what they can't have.

Believe me,

if she walks up in here

thinking she has the upper hand

and instead finds you with us

looking like a pimp, oh,

she might just decide to stay.

You think so?

Honey, I know so.

Ambivalence

is a powerful aphrodisiac.

I see someone

who's actually hot.

Let's get extroverted.

Unless you're Sal...

In which case, you come off

looking like a fool.

Ah, yes, Sal the fool.

But I do understand

he has ways of making up for it.

I wouldn't know about that.

Don't play coy with me.

I know you were

practically engaged.

I wouldn't say all that.

Yes, but you did meet

uncle Miltie.

Can I take the fifth?

Please, I've been trying

to crack this bottle open

for years.

Ah! Oh, my god, don't move,

those shoes are incredible.

Don't you love them?

More than life itself.

What I'd give to be a size 5.

Charles David?

Prada. Oh, my god, they're adorable.

Do they do custom orders?

Oh, my god, are you kidding?

They're my design.

I work for the manufacturer.

Oh, my god, are you serious?

Like, totally.

Oh, my god. Because

I'm getting married in June.

I would love if those

exquisite works of art

could be part of my ensemble.

Are you serious?

My god, like, totally.

Oh, my god, I'm so flattered.

I'll totally make it happen.

Tell me everything.

Is he just to die for?

Oh, honey, to die for this man

is easy.

It's living for him that's hard.

Oh, my god.

You can't pull

the 11th-man theory on Debbie,

she's a friend of mine.

You can't f*** your friends,

who can you f***? How you doing?

Hi, I'm George.

Hi, George. I'm Amy.

Hey, what do you got there?

I think it's an etch a sketch.

I love how tom always leaves it

out to see what people do.

So you did know what it was

when you asked me?

Yeah, but, you know...

then why did you say,

"oh, hey,

what do you got there?"

Like you didn't know

what it was?

No, no, no, no,

I... I didn't say,

"hey, uh,

what do you got there?"

Like, "I don't know

what that is. "

I said, "hey, what do

you got there?"

"Hey, what do you got there?"

Like, "I know what that is,

but for some reason,

I still want you to tell me. "

What is that, like some sort

of game for you or something?

Okay, I have no idea

what to say right now.

You don't need to say anything,

silly. I'm kidding. Sit.

Wow. Okay.

I'm making a picture.

Wow, look,

you did a whole thing.

It's two people holding hands.

Holding hands. Of course.

Yeah. I thought it was

the symbol for united way.

It stands for unity.

Unity?

And friendship.

Friendship?

Do you know

how to make origami?

Random segues aside, no, I...

sadly, I don't.

But if you give me paper

and a pen,

I can show you something

slightly origami-esque.

God, are you serious?

My god. Totally.

Excuse me, are you Sal?

Depends. You a bill collector? No.

Were you once a man?

No.

You over 18?

Oh, yeah.

Then, yeah, I'm Sal.

How you doing? You know tom?

Yes, tom, sorry,

it's taking us longer to get out

than I thought.

I'm gonna gather the girls.

We're gonna go.

No, no, don't go.

Right, tom?

I-I think I just heard George

break out his Ouija board.

I can't do this.

I'm gonna go see if she's here.

Don't. She's not here.

If she was,

then she'd be here, right?

No, not if she's trying

to find parking. Tom...

I'm gonna go outside and check.

Don't go.

Wow, he's got it bad.

No sh*t.

I hope I never get that way.

Me neither.

What'd you say your name was?

Rachel.

That's right, Rachel.

You're Kat's friend, huh?

Mm-hm. Apparently, so are you.

A long time ago.

Hope she didn't have too many

bad things to say about me.

Actually, no, only thing

I remember her saying

is that you didn't feel well

the night you went out.

Really?

Said you were a little hoarse.

Really?

Yes, he's on his way over.

Oh, my god, what's his name?

Kwame Damfu.

But I like to call him

chocolate thunder.

Oh, my god, is he black?

Girlfriend, is he ever.

He's, like, from the islands,

so he smells like the ocean.

If you put your ear to his

chest, you can hear the waves.

Do your parents know?

They wouldn't know

a bowling ball

if it hit 'em in the head.

The world can keep

their opinions to themselves.

But what about the sex?

You gotta talk about the sex.

How else will you learn?

Learn?

You are talking to a man

who could suck

a baby through a bench.

But do you think

I got that way on my own?

Oh, my god, I can't even

believe I'm hearing this.

Will you teach me?

For Prada shoes? Anything.

Anything?

Yeah.

Any one thing about yourself

you could change.

Five.

One, two, three, four, five.

I think I would like to change

the way I look at the world.

Green.

Really? How so? G-r-e-e-n.

I think that I'd like to look

at the world

as though every single person

on earth

was totally and completely

enlightened except me.

You don't say.

That way,

I'd always learn something new

from everyone I meet.

Oh. Interesting.

Blue.

There's no blue.

Red.

R-e-d. Basically, no experience

would ever be lost.

No matter how much adversity

you're faced with,

you'd always continue to grow.

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