What Planet Are You From? Page #2

Nice to meet you.

Harold Anderson.

Word is, you're some

big banking kahuna from up north.

Your letters of recommendation

were unbelievable.

They're not that great.

They were. I snuck into Mr. Fisk's

office, read every single one.

- Who's that?

- That's Rita.

Office manager. I got her a job.

Smartest thing I ever did.

- Is she...

- Too late. All mine.

She's a noisy one too.

Thank God we work in a bank.

Close the vault door,

nobody hears a thing.

She have a friend?

Don't know. When you want to hit

the nightspots, call me.

Thanks. Great. How about now?

- You're kidding, right?

- No.

It's 10 a. m.

You haven't met the boss yet.

So?

- You got some balls on you.

- I sure do.

Two of them, below my penis.

Listen.

I've gotta have sex right away.

I'm really, really horny.

- I'm getting that.

- Anderson?

Yes, sir?

I've been waiting for you. Don Fisk.

Come on in.

Good morning, Mr. Fisk.

This way.

- As long as the contractionary

British fiscal policy continues.

I can see we don't need

any time to get acclimated.

Pretty girl.

That's Rita, the office manager.

She's mine.

We go to Scottsdale every weekend.

I have a condo up there.

You're free to use it anytime.

- Rita?

- The condo.

- Thanks.

- You know...

...I have never seen such a stack

of glowing recommendations.

If I didn't know better,

I'd think you wrote them yourself.

A vice president's job is opening up.

I assume you're interested.

No, not necessarily.

Come on. It's okay to be ambitious.

You're only human.

Well...

Think it over. In the meantime...

...welcome aboard.

- Thanks.

We got a wonderful family

of people here. Top-quality people.

Except for Perry.

He's a sneaky prick.

Always looking for p*ssy,

never doing his job.

- I can't stand that.

- That is good to know.

Neglected? Nadine, how can you

feel neglected?

We never do anything?

What about that trip to New Orleans?

Wasn't that a good time?

I don't care if it was four years ago.

I asked if it was a good time.

Just don't get all pissy, will you?

I can't even ask you a question.

Could you hold?

Can you hold, please? Thank you.

Jones.

No, that's closed.

Pacific East flight 769.

Yeah, it was the hydraulics.

Arizona West flight 442. I was just

getting through that stuff. Hold on.

I'll have to call you back.

Let me call you back.

What the hell?

You like? This is

the best titty bar in Phoenix.

How many are there?

This one, and there might be

one other, but it sucks.

You come here a lot?

Once, twice a year.

- Hi, Perry.

- Hey, Cheryl.

- Grab me a beer.

- Sure. What would you like?

Someone just like you.

Relative?

I'm your cowboy, baby.

Great, but that noise is

getting louder.

Traffic.

- Are you sure?

- It's rush hour.

Come on. Make me feel like a man.

Hold on, mister.

Time to put on your party clothes.

What's that?

A condom.

My boss has one in Scottsdale.

He said I can use it.

Great. Put it on.

But I don't want anything between us.

Just unroll it.

Oh, boy.

What the hell was that?

It slipped.

- Morning.

- Morning.

How'd it go with Cheryl?

I rushed her to the hospital.

She got some glass in her eye.

Yeah, that happens.

Where we going tonight?

I'll take you to a great place.

I'm taking you where I met Rita.

I'm Doreen. I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Doreen.

And today marks my 59th day

of sobriety.

Thanks. Thank you very much.

And I celebrated by

calling my parents...

...to tell them about

my engagement to Janice.

Dykes. Made popular on television,

now they're everywhere.

Is there anyone else

who'd like to share?

You.

Hello. Get the bread,

I see something tasty.

Hi, this is the first time I've

actually gotten up to speak, so I'm...

Your name. Start with your name.

Thanks. Of course.

I'm sorry. I'm Susan.

Hi, Susan.

Anyway, I'm an alcoholic.

I've been sober

a couple of months now.

Thanks. That's okay.

My father was an abusive alcoholic.

And I guess maybe I'm lucky

that he left when I was 7.

But my stepfather was an alcoholic.

And so was my second stepfather.

Anyway, I have a history

of picking the wrong men.

Big surprise, right?

The thing is, I never knew I had

a drinking problem...

...because ever since high school,

I've only dated musicians.

They always said I was a lot of fun.

- I like what I hear.

- But all that's changed.

I bottomed out.

I was having fun in...

...I don't even remember what city.

When I woke up,

I didn't know where I was...

...how I got there,

or who the guy was that I was with.

And I thought I should know

at least one of those things.

So I came here.

I stopped putting myself in situations

where I couldn't respect myself...

...so others didn't respect me.

She wants respect. Cuts me out.

Anyway, I took my first step today.

I bought a new car...

...and it'll be great to get up in the

morning and remember where I parked it.

Thanks.

Would anyone else like to share?

It's dead tonight.

Not a weeper in the joint.

Weeper?

Usually one or two gals

get all weepy after the meeting.

Then you clean up. You go over,

offer them a tissue. Bang, you're in.

Yank a nose hair right before you go.

They see the tears, think you're

a kindred spirit. You are in huge.

Look. Wish me luck.

What happened?

I did so much blow once,

I didn't sleep for three weeks.

I lost 15 pounds. The good thing?

I've been able to keep it off.

Remember me from the aeroplane?

Oh, yeah, of course.

You hit me really hard.

What are you doing here?

I have a slight problem.

You know how it is with airlines.

You're at 30,000 feet

with all those tiny bottles.

- It's really not my fault.

- Sure.

Damn it!

You hit my car. My new car.

- I don't believe it.

- What happened?

Don't get excited. First,

this isn't new. This is a '98.

- I know a guy with one.

- It's new to me!

Oh, God.

Look at it.

I guess we both have to drive

more carefully.

I was parked, a**hole.

I don't see a lot of damage,

so I'm gonna run.

Right, I got the cracked taillight,

dented fender package.

I want to see your driver's license,

registration and insurance.

- Can't we settle this without insurance?

- No.

If you try to worm your way

out of this...

...I will cut your heart out

with my hood ornament.

Have we dated?

I'm not very good in bed.

No, no. You're great.

No. My boyfriend once said it was

like trying to start a dead car.

You've got to uncross your legs.

I told you I'm not very good in bed.

I'm sorry.

What is that humming sound?

It's the tendons in your legs

vibrating.

Oh, you know what?

Can you...?

One second.

Hello?

I was just thinking

about you too, Steve.

We don't want to lose our momentum.

I miss you too.

Is she there?

Ready for more?

I can't do this.

I'm in love with a married pilot

from Dallas, our hub.

You know who I feel really sorry for?

His wife.

- He's off cheating on her.

- With you?

Get out!

What'd I do? I'm crazy about you.

- Get out!

- You smell nice.

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