What Planet Are You From? Page #3

I almost opened up to you.

Are those your shoes?

Those are beautiful shoes.

You're in a hurry.

Aren't you gonna eat?

Gotta get to the office.

- You mean you have to get to her.

- What?

- You're having an affair.

- What's wrong with you?

All you talk about is

how work bores you.

Now you're rushing to get to

your job? What's her name?

It's not an affair.

It's that Pamela person.

I've seen the way she looks at you.

The woman is a slut.

She's in a wheelchair.

Don't think she doesn't play that

for all it's worth.

You want to know what's going on?

You want to know the truth?

I deserve that much.

This is classified,

so it's just between you and me.

A couple days ago, on an Arizona West

flight, there was an incident.

The crew almost lost control.

One of the passengers was

shooting video.

Something made contact

with that plane.

The thing is,

I don't have an answer for it.

For the first time in 22 years,

I don't know what happened.

There's something about that.

About the not knowing.

Look. I'm getting goose bumps

just thinking about it.

It's what I've been waiting for.

Now it's finally come.

- Understand?

- Does she have bigger tits than me?

I'll figure this out.

I'll take that as a yes.

I'll be late.

Damn!

Can I help you?

I'm looking for Perry.

You know Perry?

Yeah, but not too well. I'm his wife.

His wife?

Well, Perry's a very lucky man,

if I may say.

Very lucky.

Harold Anderson.

Helen.

He's probably in the vault.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for Perry Gordon.

Is it okay if I wait in his office?

- That'll be fine.

- Thank you.

Were you at the AA meeting

last night?

Yes. I saw you there.

Your speech was very good.

Thanks. Do you work here?

Commercial and home loans.

Not too exciting. Just a normal guy.

Nothing's wrong with normal.

Do you know where Perry is?

You know Perry?

Well, no.

He backed into my car last night.

I've got an estimate.

Could you give this to him?

Sure.

- You have beautiful handwriting.

- That's the mechanic.

This part here where you

signed your name? Lovely.

How long you been in the program?

- Program?

- AA.

I'm not involved in the program.

Perry just took me there.

He's in the program?

Not that I know of. This would make

fantastic dinner conversation.

- Busy tonight?

- Why were you there?

Checking it out. Have you had

a chance to think about dinner?

Oh, God. I get it.

You go to AA meetings to

pick up women. That's sick.

How can you take advantage of people?

Perry took me. I had no idea.

How's 8?

Excuse me. May I?

Here's the estimate, okay?

I hope next time you take

a pathetic little jaunt to AA...

...you drive more carefully.

- What's she talking about?

- I'm as confused as you are.

Oh, come on.

I just put everything I had

into this car.

If you don't want to go through your

insurance, write a check. I'll wait.

That's where you were last night?

That's what you didn't want to tell me.

You were at an AA meeting?

Now you know.

I hope you're happy.

You'll get your check.

Why couldn't you tell me?

I wasn't sure I was strong enough to

stay committed to the program...

...and I didn't want to disappoint you

if I dropped out.

Baby, I had no idea.

It's been tough, but, thank God,

so far so good.

It's a brave thing you're doing.

I can't believe it.

One day at a time, sugar.

I'll walk you out.

I love you so much.

I'll do everything in my power...

...to make sure you never take another

drink for the rest of your life.

Thank you.

That was his wife.

He's married and he's going to

AA meetings to pick up women?

What a humongous sleazebag.

You married?

Nope. So I guess we're on for dinner?

No.

Nice meeting you.

What planet are you from?

What do you mean?

You want to go out with me, I say no,

you're like, okay, and that's that.

Put a little effort into it.

You asking me out?

No, I'm not asking you out. If I was

asking a man out, he'd know it.

Right.

You know, I have a feeling

that you're not what you appear to be.

You smell nice.

Thanks. Something new.

Just bought it today.

God. Why was it never

this complicated before?

Because before, by now I'd be drunk

and in bed with the guy.

How's 6:
00?

Damn it. Fine. Anything. 7.

6:
45?

Fine.

Tell me something about yourself.

My name is Harold Anderson.

I work in a bank.

And?

More?

I never met a man that talks less

about himself.

Where were you born?

My turn to ask a question.

What do you do for a living?

I worked in a guitar shop

for a long time.

When I got sober,

I realized I had to get out.

Too many negative influences.

Such as?

Well, musicians, for one.

There was a sign over the door saying:

"Come in, pick up a guitar...

...and play the beginning of 'Stairway

to Heaven' as badly as you can. "

I was close to going postal.

So what are you doing now?

Well, don't laugh, but I'm working

as a real-estate agent.

My friend has an office.

She helped me study for my license.

So now I'm out there

trying to sell houses.

How's it going?

I guess it's okay.

But I'm six weeks into it and find out

you don't get paid...

...until you sell something,

which is like, "Oh, great. "

So what is your mission?

- I'm sorry?

- Your mission in life.

My mission is to

get to know myself...

...so that I can end up focusing less

on myself and more on others. I think.

I believe I was put here on Earth

to have a child.

I've never heard a man say that.

I would love to have kids.

I just hope I'm ready.

We transfer our dysfunction

onto our kids.

I don't want to be guilty of that.

I've already f***ed up my dog.

I want to have a child.

That's all I want.

What's that noise?

Cheap sound system.

I don't trust you.

Why?

All men are the same.

They say whatever they have to,

to get into your pants.

That's terrible.

But what would it be?

What?

The thing I'd have to say

to get into your pants?

It's a little messy.

How long you been working on it?

Just a couple of months, but I can

already tell I'm never gonna stop.

One day I'm happy. The breakfast nook

should be yellow, bright and sunny.

Next minute, I'm down.

I repaint it blue.

It was black a couple days ago.

A black breakfast nook?

Doesn't work. Trust me.

Why don't you take that arch thing

out altogether?

The whole thing?

I have a feeling that what's out there

is more interesting anyway.

What are these?

Part of this whole changing thing

that I'm doing.

I'm supposed to turn myself over

to a higher power.

My only problem is,

I'm having trouble choosing one...

...so I'm just covering my ass.

Higher power?

God, or whatever you want to call it.

I'm looking into each one until

I find one that connects with me.

- How will you know?

- I'll just know.

How?

Well, I'll feel something, I guess.

This one looks very old.

Actually, it's not old.

I got this on QVC.

You don't care about this.

You're just tricking me.

There's no way to prove

that a God exists.

- So?

- So then why look?

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