What Richard Did Page #2

They're in mere and it's like...

They were sobbing, and I was like,

"I wanna sit down

and see what's going on here."

They're like, "Oh, my God,

please just stop vomiting all the time."

"It's upsetting me.

Why can't you stop vomiting?

"I Think I've got ii under control."

And I'm like...

"Are you f***ing serious?"

It's creepy, man. That's creepy sh*t.

- But for them, that's talking.

- Exactly.

This doesn't classify as talking because

we're not talking about f***ed-up stuff.

We're not all depressed, so it's not

talking. Do you know what I mean?

Like, you have to be upset

m have a chat

F*** that, like.

Oh, he's through!

Stop... Put me down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're doing it here on the beach.

- Hey, Liv.

- Hey, sweetheart.

- How are you'?

- I'm good. Good to see you.

- And you.

- Aw.

I just wanted to say thanks

for the other day. Sophie told me

Oh, yeah. That's no problem.

- Does her dad know?

- She was "at her mother's".

Pars dying m see you. He'll probably

be all restrained and Protestant.

- So?

- So what?

So, any women in your life?

- I'm very close to my mum.

- Come on.

I'm a bit sick

Of all the silly stuff, Liv.

At 18?

- There he is now.

- Hey, good to see you.

What's going on?

- I'm glad you could make it.

- Thanks for having us.

- What's the water like'?

- It's f***ing Baltic.

Look what the tide washed in

- Hey, Mum.

Did you enjoy the free gaff?

- Yeah, can't complain.

Hello, beautiful son.

Hey, old mu.

This looks fantastic

I think that's mine, actually.

- I remember you buying it.

Take it easy on them brews,

you're putting on weight.

One beer's not gonna do him any harm

It's the boy refusing a drink

that he's competing against

I know that boy. That's the boy

without friends, isn't it'?

Skol!

Cheers, Peter. I've spent

six years teaching him to be a winner.

Success is good. I like success.

Failure's not an option

- That's ii.

Failure's not an option,

it's a certainty.

- Here we go.

It is, at some point, for most people

it makes them human

- It's true.

Very deep, that. All those

long winter nights back in the day'?

A Scandinavian thing, I reckon

- Big Scandinavian...

No, it's not a Scandinavian thing.

It's just a manic depressive thing.

- Skol.

- Slainte

- Slainte

- Skol.

Come on.

Dad, it is not warm out here. Alright?

It's not warm today.

- I thought you played rugby.

- I do play rugby.

Thai doesn't mean

I like the f***ing cold.

Come on.

Yeah! Way to go, son

You'll make a singer

out of me yet, Dad.

- What?

You'll make a singer out of me yet

Well, I'm not staying long.

Thanks very much, cheers.

See you again.

So, remind me, Richard.

Why are we here?

Because Conor's a team-male of mine

and that means something, Eimear.

- Ml Fight yeah.

- Alright?

God, what is it with GAA jerseys?

They're always so f***ing rank.

It's like they deliberately pick

the foulest shade of each color.

Could you guys say it

any f***ing louder?

- Hey, man, how's it going?

- Hey.

- Alright?

For the day.

- Cheers.

- Happy birthday.

- Good to see you.

- Yeah, you, mo.

- Mr H, how are you?

- How's it going, son'!

Will you have a pint?

- I won't, I won't.

- Richard. - Mrs Harris.

You're looking great.

Go on! Chug! chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

- 0-8-5-0-1-D-7-7-7-7.

- Sorry?

- It's my number.

- You're mm.

Zero-8-5...

- Richard, you're so mu 01 sh*t

- I am.

But I'm gonna tell you my number

again. If you remember it, great.

If you don't

Fine, but my

memory's like a sieve.

- Hey, how's it going?

Never better. It's my birthday, right?

- How are you, Lara?

- Good.

- Super-Rich?

- I'm good, man.

- I thought you weren't drinking.

- Yeah, me too.

Conor, easy.

- You alright, Gun-man?

- Yeah, sound, man.

- (burns!

- No, you're not. Come on.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Come on, we'll go hack inside.

- HEY-

- HEY...

- How is he?

- Miserable. Walking it off.

- Everyone gets f***ed upon their 16111.

- I suppose.

- He'll be grand.

- Yeah.

I better go.

Yeah.

- Bye, Lam

- Safe home.

- What the f*** are you doing?

The right thing. You should try it

Hello.

- Hey.

I rang the door but

- Erm...

Right, so, here's what I got

for you, OK?

I gm... some red wine, right'?

That's laid out on the table.

Best steaks in Wicklow

marinating right there.

Erm, I gm you some salads,

some really nice French bread,

and I laid these out just in case

the sun decides to pop out. Alright'?

We were supposed to eat first

You should have emailed me

a copy of the schedule.

Just give me one sec, OK?

Just one sec.

You stay there. Don't go away.

I used to have a gerbil

that I won at, like, the day fair.

Sol brought him home. I was only

about four and I called him Peter.

- Right?

At the end of the day... I only bought

him that day, but at the end Of the day,

I wanted to wash him

because I thought he needed a shower.

Shh! Listen

First, I made him a little bed

in, like, a tissue box, right?

With tissue paper

and tiny little pillows

And then I brought him in to give him

a shower... well, a bath pretty much,

um I gave him a mm in a shot glass.

And I washed his ares um,

and then I thought that his head

would need to be washed. And he died

I drowned him

He was dead when he came out

of the f***ing shot glass.

It's true.

What age were you?

About four or five. F***ing killed him

All I was trying m do

was give him a bath as well.

Washed his head for too long...

and he drowned in a shot glass

F***ing hell,

that is not a nice way to go.

Apparently it's peaceful... m drown.

Being drowned in a shot glass?

Yeah, I'd say he loved n.

How do gerbils usually wash?

Are you OK?

Uh-huh.

And I wrote, like, something like,

"They were dawdling,"

and everyone started laughing at me,

saying I made up that word.

And I was like,

"That is definitely a word."

You made it up No, it is a word

Like, weird sh*t happens sometimes

- Do you know?

- Yeah, that...

One night when I was going to sleep,

my wardrobe opened by itself

and all the sh*t fell out of my wardrobe

onto my bed.

- Yeah.

Yeah, that was weird

That would... I wouldn't be able

to sleep. That's real creepy.

I slept with my mam then

for about, like, a month after that

- What age were you?

- About seven or eight

Aw.

Quick

It's a really big house, like

a plantation house down in the country

with loads of land and horses

and fields and trees and rivers

and sh*t around it.

And is there a fence?

- No.

OK. You're at the kitchen table

What's in front of you?

Erm...

My mum and dad and my grandparents

and a few Of the lads, I'd say.

That's nice

- Yeah?

The size of the house

is supposed to be, like,

symbolic of your ambitions

in life and stuff.

And if you have a fence,

it means you're, like,

closed off from people and stuff.

- Sweet, I've no fence.

And with your friends around the table

and stuff, that's real nice.

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