What We Did on Our Holiday Page #8

in the people you love.

Because... we're all... ridiculous,

and none of this matters.

Erm, well, I'm sorry, Gavin.

I shouldn't have said all that stuff.

No, no, it was me.

I didn't... I was being a...

Listen, kids. I'm really sorry, but...

Sometimes when adults

get a little bit upset,

they just become a...

Where's Mickey?

He's on there.

I'm fed up of being stuck inside.

I've come out to explain.

- Jesus!

- Tell them "no comment"!

Cos this is the real world.

Granddad stopped breathing

and then what happened...

That's enough, thank you.

- You best go back inside.

- I was trying to explain everything.

- Yeah, I know but...

- As it's all our fault,

I thought it might stop the shouting.

No, it's not all your fault.

Nothing's your fault.

You head inside, go on.

- We have no comment to make.

- Good. Straight bat.

You were on TV!

We have no comment to make

at this juncture.

Mr McLeod,

can you confirm reports?

Except to say... you should

all be ashamed of yourselves.

- What's he doing?

- You're a disgrace!

Don't provoke them!

You have guidelines.

My son is six years old!

Then why's he wandering about alone?

He was... We have no further comment.

Why were young children left

in the care of an elderly, sick man?

- Mr McLeod, over here!

- Well...

We... we did deliberate over that.

Walk away, man.

Is your divorce

affecting your children?

Your divorce, caused by your affair.

Do you take responsibility

for the actions of your children?

Do you feel you've failed as a father?

Sorry, what?

Do you feel you've failed as a father?

Well, I'm not sure that...

I mean...

- It's true that I've certainly...

- Mrs McLeod.

My husband is a good and loving father.

We have no further comment.

Would you describe your marriage

as dysfunctional?

Oh, the magic word, "dysfunctional".

Yeah! Yep, fine.

- Fine, we're dysfunctional.

- She's doing it now.

If you mean by "dysfunctional"

that we're two average people

who have made a few mistakes,

and are trying very hard

to muddle through

while trying our utmost

to protect and nurture

our three... fantastic children,

Jess, Mickey and Lottie...

- Yes! Name check.

- Yay!

Yes, we are dysfunctional.

Thank you.

Bravo, Abi.

Well done, Abi.

You certainly put them in their place.

Has something else happened?

I've learnt my lesson. Next time I'm

with someone who's died on the beach,

I'll tell an adult

and I won't set fire to them.

Very sensible.

Cheers.

- It's nice that Mickey wants to be...

- I said no to the Newcastle job.

- Did you?

- Yeah.

Thanks.

I've decided I don't need a solicitor.

I know. My solicitor told me.

- Already?

- Yep.

She said it gave me a huge advantage.

She used the phrase "easy meat".

I'm gonna get rid of her.

Let's do this humanely.

Hmm.

OK, everybody.

Everyone, if you could

just gather round.

Sorry the midges are out

in their hordes.

- This is...

- Over here, guys.

Lottie? I'm not sure

there's any actual, real evidence

that the Vikings actually

buried their dead

by burning them

and floating them out to sea.

Mickey?

Never, ever say that out loud again.

Over here. Thanks.

My brother Doug

is going to say a few words.

Thanks for coming.

Well done

for shaking off the reporters.

The press have portrayed

my father's death as a disgrace.

But what better way to die

could he have had...

than on his favourite beach...

watching the grandchildren

that he loved play...

play...

I don't know what Dad

would have made of all this.

Actually, I do.

He'd have laughed himself stupid.

He'd have laughed at everyone turning up

for his party except for him.

He'd have laughed at the authorities

trying to find

the relevant form to fill in...

He'd certainly have laughed at

Margaret's starring role on YouTube.

4,458,207 hits at last count.

Three of them mine.

And me, he'd have laughed at me.

A lot.

And my main regret,

apart from not having

a bit more time with Dad,

is that he couldn't see us all

running around like idiots.

I'm sure many of you believe

that he can see us,

but for my part, I think death is it.

I, er, I think life...

This life is all you get,

and Gordie McLeod had a hell of a life,

and so should we

cos that's all death is good for.

It's to give us a kick up the arse

and say, "Get on with it,

and love those around you. "

And... and now my wonderful son,

Kenneth, is gonna play something.

No, no. Play something he'd like.

Go mental.

He lives in that

and then he walks around in it.

That keeps his back end all safe.

- So he doesn't show his bottom?

- Exactly.

He keeps it in a shell.

Can we do that

with a large shell?

Listen, kids, we, erm...

Dad and me, we just wanted to...

to say something.

We know that

we've not behaved very well recently

and, er... well, we just

wanted to say sorry.

That's right.

And, erm,

while we'll still be living apart,

in different... different houses,

we, er... from now on,

we're going to behave like grown-ups.

Inappropriate behaviour!

- Lottie, write that down in your book.

- I've chucked the book away.

I don't think I'll need it any more.

Get him!

Get him. Get Dad! Get Dad!

Come on, then!

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