What We Do in the Shadows

1

So it's 6 PM in the night time...

... which is when I wake up.

This is always really scary part for me.

Yes! Night time.

So, now I'm going to wake up

my flat mates.

I really love living in a flatting situation.

Wake up!

Wake up everyone!

I like to hang out with other vampires.

I like the company.

Awaken!

A wakey, wakey!

I just really like having a good time

with my friends.

Deacon...

Hi!

Hey!

Deacon...

How was your night, last night?

I transformed into a dog and had sex.

Cool!

We're gonna have a little flat-meeting

in the kitchen in about 15 minutes, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Should I close this?

- Yes.

Vladislav?!

Sorry! Sorry!

What?

- Hey!

- What time is it?

Umm, we're going to have a flat-meeting

in about 10 minutes.

Okay... is it...

So we're...

...in Petyr's room.

I'm just going to wake him up.

Petyr?

Petyr?!

Petyr, wake up.

Hey, listen. We're just having a flat-meeting

upstairs in about 10 minutes.

You don't have to come but I thought I'd

extend an invitation to you just in case.

Umm....

There's a lot of stuff on

the floor down here, Petyr, and...

... like this seems, I don't... AH!

It's a spinal column, yuck!

And I was thinking, maybe...

... I just should bring a broom

down here for you

if you wanted to sweep up

some of the skeletons.

I don't know.

You know...

Okay.

I got you this chicken.

Is Petyr coming?

- Should we be worried?

- Petyr's...

... 8000 years old.

We're not going to have Petyr at the meeting.

Okay, so...

Wanted to have a quick chat

about flat responsibilities because

uh...guys I think that we're

not all pulling our weight here.

We're not just pointing the finger at you, Deacon.

You're a cool guy but you're

not pulling your weight in the flat.

Well, I'm glad to hear that I'm cool.

- No, that's not the point though...

- Yeah, no, I know...

It's not a flat meeting about how cool you are.

- I do my flat chores.

- No, you don't!

- Yes, I do

- No, that's why we're having the flat-meeting.

The point is Deacon that you

have not done the dishes for 5 years.

Vladislav is right.

It's unacceptable to have so many

bloody dishes all over the bench like that...

I'm so embarrassed when people come over here.

Why does it matter?!

You bring them over to kill them!

Vampires don't do dishes.

Deacon's like the rebellious young vampire.

He's always doing crazy things.

Saying crazy things.

He's just like the young, bad boy of the group.

Okay, so...

One day I was...

... selling my wears...

And I walked passed this old creepy castle.

and I look at it and think...

... 'very old and creepy.'

And then this creature...

... flies at me!

It dragged me back to this dark dungeon.

And bit into my neck.

And just at the point of death...

... this creature...

... forced me to suck its foul blood.

And then...

... it opened it's wings, like this.

And hovered above me.

Screeching.

'Now you are vampire.'

And it was Petyr.

And we're still friends today.

Vlad, you are great.

You put out the recycling.

Which was really cool.

And!

The other day, I dragged mans body down the hallway,

and noticed that there was no dust.

Like, I kind of... I kind of swept the hallway.

Vladislav, is just like...

... this older vampire who

grew up in the medieval times.

And you know, to be living this long

and to have seen the things that he's seen

and still like, kind of have it together,

I mean, hat's off to him.

Bloody hell!

Sorry!

He's a really great guy.

A bit a of a pervert.

He has some pretty old ideas about things.

We should get some slaves!

When I first became a vampire...

... I was quite tyrannical.

I was known for torturing a lot of people.

This is my torture chamber.

I don't come in here, often anymore.

I tempted to torture when

I was in a bad place.

My thing was, I would poke someone

with implements.

I was known as 'Vladislav the poker'.

It's been like this the whole time...

- Okay, so...

- Viago is a little...

... pedantic.

The washing and the rubbish, I did that.

Deacon, on dishes and

it's still hasn't moved in 5 years.

He was an 18th century dandy.

So, he can be very fussy.

He nags and nags...

The lunch the other day and

it was blood all over my nice antique couch.

Which one, the red one?

Well, it's red now, yah.

If you're going to eat a victim

on my nice clean couch

put down some newspaper on the floor

and some towels.

It's not hard to do.

We're vampires!

We don't put down towels.

Some vampires do.

Well, not serious ones!

When you get 4 vampires in a flat

obviously there's going to be a lot of tension.

There's tension in any, any flatting situation.

It's settled then. We all do our jobs,

starting with a certain Deacon...

I will do my dishes!

This is bullshit.

Well, I became a vampire when I was 16.

That is why I always look 16.

In those days, of course,

life was tough for a 16 year old.

Vampires have had a pretty bad rec.

We're not these mopey

old creatures who live in castles.

And while some, most of us are, a lot are... bats.

There are also, those of us,

who like to flat together in

really small countries like New Zealand.

I was a Nazi vampire.

After the war, which the Nazi's lost...

I don't know,

if you know that the Nazi's lost...

... that war.

If you were a Nazi, after the war...

...and if you were a vampire...

... and if you were a Nazi vampire...

No way.

I was out of there.

Yah, I came to this country for love.

Uh, there was a girl. Human girl.

And...

... I...

... thought she was fantastic.

She was...

... absolutely amazing.

I was smitten.

Her family emigrated to New Zealand.

And, I thought,

'you know what, to hell with it.

I'm gonna go. I'm going to chase her

and tell her how I feel.'

I told my servant Phillip,

'Send me to New Zealand.'

He...

... put the wrong postage on my coffin.

So the whole journey took about 18 months.

And when I got here, she had...

... found someone else.

She had fallen in love.

And...

She was married.

She gave me this before she left.

There she is.

That's me, I put myself in there too.

She told me in was pure silver.

Unfortunately...

... we vampires can not wear silver.

Yeah...

It's about as long as I can wear that.

Tonight, we are going out

into Wellington center.

It is important that we look good.

Yeah, it's really good. Yeah.

One of the unfortunate things about

not having a reflection is that you...

... don't know exactly what you look like.

Look!

A ghost cup!

Floating all by itself!

We can give each other feedback and

help each other out until

we're looking great.

Yes, some of our clothes are from victims.

We might bite someone and then...

... you think,

'ooh, those are some nice pants!'.

- Do work these?

- NO!

Change it!

When you are a vampire,

you become very sexy.

We are trying to attract victims to us.

Not sure about the waist coat.

I go for a look which I call

Dead But Delicious.

We are the bait.

But we're also the trap.

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