When Evil Calls Page #2

themselves these days.

It's good for their health,

keeps the numbers down.

All right, all right.

That's a wrap. Okay.

He said, "Have a nice day."

Au revoirl Tell him.

Molly, Molly, Molly.

You look good enough to eat.

I wish I looked good enough to eat.

You look good enough to eat.

If I ate sh*t.

What are you doing?

I think...

At this point,

I really don't see the need to overreact.

Ferme ta gueulel

Get to class.

Move!

See, school dinners have

never been so attractive.

But then again, you see,

there was Alice.

Now, Alice is not

someone I'd describe

as being particularly good-looking.

In fact, Gugenheim,

she was f***ing ugly.

But her boyfriend thought that bigger

was gonna be better.

So he decided...

on some rather drastic surgery.

Oh, my God.

I wish my girlfriend had massive breasts.

You know, like massive breasts.

What, like mine?

Oh, hiya, um...

Watcha doing?

Just talking about you, actually.

Yeah?

What are you talking about?

Nothing.

Fine, whatever.

Can anyone tell me how to calculate

the surface area of a circle?

Anyone?

We have been over

this many times.

I don't know why you have

a problem with this.

(2pi)r.

It's not difficult.

We've done this many times.

This is very basic,

and you should

know this by now.

It's very boring.

Sit up, please sit up.

If we increase surface area

of the circle by 4,

the diameter doubles.

It doesn't increase by 4.

It's not good enough

that you don't know this.

It's really not good enough.

Does someone want

to get the nurse?

Lovely.

It looks like Alice's boyfriend...

you're gonna love this...

got more than he bra-gained for.

F***in' boom... boom...

bargained for!

F***, you know?

I'm on fire.

Really, I'm on fire.

I'm on fire.

Anyway...

Clear the sinuses.

Samantha...

oh, no, she was doing fine.

She was doing absolutely fine.

In fact...

that very night was the night

she introduced Daniel to her parents.

Daniel.

Can I just say how...

surprised I am

to see you here today?

To be honest,

we don't usually

see Samantha with...

friends.

Do we?

You're kidding me.

Samantha's the most

popular girl in school.

So, what have you two

been up to today, then?

Hey, I got a text today

offering me a wish.

Samantha.

Sorry, Dad.

Sounds terribly exciting.

And can I just guess

what it is you wished for?

I wished that my stepdad wasn't dead.

He passed away last year.

I'll get it.

Who is it at the door?

It's no one.

Are you all right, Samantha?

I'm good.

Is Daniel home?

Do we have some plastic bags and a saw?

I'm not being funny,

but talk about a visit...

from beyond the gravy.

Anyway, you know.

Daniel's father was

a f***ing rotten parent.

In fact, he was practically...

practically decomposing.

From one roast to another.

You really want to be hot?

Try this.

Watch out!

Made... wish.

Came... true.

Hey.

A party this weekend.

You will be there, won't you?

Lt'll be a total flop without you there.

It seems to me that the detective

was beginning to catch on.

There was something

about Linda's burning

that ignited something

in the booze-rattled brain

of Ringwald.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

I'm back in the library.

Now.

Sally thought that Mark

only had eyes for her.

But what I think is

she was about to stop seeing him...

permanently.

...than you do with Mrs. Snuggles?

No, I love you more.

Oh, I really love you.

Oh, I love you, too.

No, I love you more.

I love you more.

Mark!

I think he loves me more.

You know,

I've done you a favor.

If I could have one wish,

it would be that I never

had to see you again!

Linda.

Linda.

I'll bet she didn't see that one coming.

And the school was in absolute chaos.

The clown's terror-iffic

reign of despair continued.

But Detective Ringwald

was on the case.

An important lead

was about to open his eyes

to Samantha's part

in this fright-mare.

Yet, well, you know,

I'm not the best sort

at puns in the world,

but I'm actually trying

my f***ing hardest.

Sorry. Got something else

better you can do?

Well, go back outside and get

the f***ing sh*t kicked out of you?

No! I thought not.

Shut your mouth,

and you might

f***ing learn something!

Now, where was I?

Oh, yeah.

Okay!

Here, here, here!

Ah, oui.

Ah, oui, oui, oui,

oui, ouil

"It is common practice

in the 21st Century

"for evil djinnis to use such devices

as mobile phones and emails

to cause their mischief."

"The initial wisher, or summoner,

as they are better known,

"is granted their wish...

money, power, fame, et cetera...

"in return for forwarding

the djinni onwards,

"through chain letters,

or text messages,

"where they can wreak their mayhem.

"The only way to stop the djinni

is to get the initial wisher

"to retract their wish,

and return themselves

to the state they were previously."

A text message that is killing people.

Yes!

Don't you think that's just a little bit

far-fetched?

Just a little bit far-fetched?

I just wished... people could see...

how beautiful I was on the inside.

- Oh, God.

- Jesus Christ.

Well, it appears that beauty

is only skin-deep.

I want to be fair.

I mean, it took a lot of guts

to make a wish like that, didn't it?

Now, moving on swiftly

to a different type of crush:

The teenage crush.

That age-old die-lemma.

This is bloody disgraceful!

Fail! Jennifer!

And a fail for you, too.

And don't you dare

chew gum in my class

again, young lady.

This is abysmal!

I waste my entire weekend

marking this drivel.

Will you spell drivel for me, Linnet?

I doubt it.

No, silly me.

You're only taking English "A" level

in three months' time.

Why should you be able to spell?

You can't bloody write English.

Half of you can hardly

speak the language!

Well, I tell you, I'm bloody furious.

It's not funny!

None of this is funny!

Mr. Dale.

I wondered if I could talk to you a little.

You see, I seem to be

having some problems

with verb positioning?

I just don't seem to know

where to put it... in front,

or... behind?

Now, Carol, please.

We've been through this.

While you're a pupil of mine,

you remain very much a child to me.

And I would appreciate it

if you started behaving like one.

Really.

Mike.

Ah, Miss Nibb.

A spot of human biology?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes!

I wish I was old now.

Who's there?

Carol, is that you?

Please help me!

Please help me!

Now, this young girl

made a pass on Mr. Dale...

Naughty, naughty...

but ended up needing

a pass of her own.

A bus pass, that is.

As for Samantha,

poor love, you know her

nightmare was just beginning.

So hold on to your trousers

'cause it's full scream ahead...

for my next tale.

No!

I have to stop this.

I've got to call the police

and tell them what I've done.

Do I really want to go back

to being the person I was?

Hello?

Daniel.

What are you doing

calling at this time?

Yeah.

Same here.

Yes, I wish come true for me.

Okay, I guess I've got to run.

My parents will be wondering

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