When In Rome Page #2

---

be a grizzly, right?

I don't know what that means.

- So, what do you think of Tina?

- She seems very fit, Dad.

That's all you can say?

Tan and odds-on favorite

to catch the bouquet.

You're a very lucky man.

I only wish for you the feeling I have

when I'm with her.

Come on, Beth. Get going here.

I want to throw another wedding.

You will. You're due

for another wife pretty soon.

I'm sorry, that was a low blow.

Quite a pair.

You refuse to fall in love,

and I can't stop.

Promise me one thing.

When it comes, you'll be open to it.

- I will try, Daddy.

- There you are!

- It's vase-breaking time.

- It's what?

It's a tradition.

The maid of honor shatters a vase,

and the number of pieces symbolizes

the years of happiness

she wishes for the bride and groom.

That's a lot of pressure.

Right? So smash it hard.

- OK.

- OK.

I'm so sorry.

I was not aiming for that,

but, man, I really nailed it.

She wishes them a life

- of great tragedy!

- No, I don't. No, I don't.

I just... I'm trying to break it.

I'm really trying.

I cracked it!

OK. We're almost there. Excuse me.

Die! Man!

Let's just go ahead

and let me handle this.

You are... you're...

You're quite the determined

little thing, aren't you?

Yeah, well, I cracked it

before you smashed it.

I know. Yeah, I know.

- I'm Nick, by the way.

- Beth.

Nice to meet you.

I would've introduced myself earlier,

but I was running a little late.

Yeah, I noticed.

I was in the hills doing an interview,

and on my way back

I kinda got hit by a goat.

- My God! You hit a goat?

- No, the goat hit me.

It wasn't my fault, and the goat's fine.

- What are they saying?

- It means "speech."

I think you're up again. There you go.

Hello again.

I'm Beth, sister of the bride.

Umberto, though I haven't

known you for very long...

I'm sorry. I don't speak any Italian.

Umberto, although I haven't

known you very long...

I'm a little rusty, so if you stay away

from any obscure idioms,

that would be great.

Yeah. Sure.

I'll keep it simple. Thank you.

When I look at you, Joan,

I remember a little girl

who believed in magic.

As I look at you right now...

I see a grown woman

who has seen all the magic in the world

come true tonight.

Joan...

Joan likes magic...

This is harder than I thought.

Maybe if we all clap loudly...

she'll wrap it up.

Because you and Umberto

are making magic here tonight.

Well, it was worth a try...

And I know that, if you could,

you'd share that feeling with me.

And I know that you'll...

share him with me.

OK. It appears our best man

has run out of Italian,

so cheers.

I liked your toast.

Thank you. Umberto's brother

already hit on me,

and most of his family

thinks I'm a pervert, but thanks.

They do that for good luck.

So where did you learn

to speak Italian so poorly?

Syracuse.

Umberto and I were roommates.

He taught me

how to talk to girls in Italian,

and I taught him American football.

I wanted to ask you before...

- Who is your service provider?

- Why?

I saw you e-mailing earlier,

and I kind of have signal envy.

Give me your phone. I need

to send one quick work e-mail.

- If I don't...

- No, you can't have my phone.

- Why not?

- You're just gonna take my number.

- I'm not gonna take your number.

- You're gonna take my phone

and call your phone with it

so that you have my number,

and I can't have you booty-calling me

- at 2:
30 in the morning.

- I'm not go...

Wait! You know what? I do. I need it.

Because I need to block it

from my phone.

I can't give it to you, because

Umberto made me turn it off.

- So it's on vibrate?

- No, it's off.

- Like "off" off?

- Yeah.

- Nicholas!

- Father Dino!

- Nicholas!

- Father...

- All right.

- Ciao.

Maybe some cards again tonight?

Some Texas holding them?

I don't think so. You cleaned me out

at Umberto's bachelor party.

No more cards for me, pal.

I take my vows only 6 months ago.

They say it's a work in the progress.

- Sure.

- Forgive me.

Come on, Father. It's OK.

It's just a card game. It's OK.

It's OK. No more cards.

- It's OK.

- Ciao.

- Look at those 2.

- Tell me he's a good guy.

- He's a saint. Her?

- An angel.

A saint and an angel.

I give it a year.

I would not even give it 6 months.

This marriage has the shelf life

of a banana.

They've known each other 2 weeks.

That's not even enough time

for a credit check.

- What?

- Nothing.

Hey!

No, wait! I don't want to... No, wait!

It's my bad.

Sorry about that.

Go ahead.

What are you...?

- I'm sorry.

- Yeah. It's mine.

Just put that back in there. Thank you.

Hey!

Hey.

- What did he just yell at you?

- Nothing.

- What?

- Nothing.

It means "the hit."

I played some football in college and...

I took kind of a big hit.

Football. Goats. You get hit a lot.

It's kind of a famous hit.

It's not exactly what you want

to be known for.

But it's football. Doesn't everyone

get hit in football?

I got hit by lightning. OK?

On the field. In a game.

Yeah. See, I get that look a lot.

It's OK. It's OK.

Aside from a slight

peripheral vision issue, I'm fine.

Yeah?

You smell like lavender.

You smell like livestock.

You're not so tough.

Beth! It's time to cut the cake.

All right.

He looks nice.

But so did your father.

- You seen her?

- No.

Be open to it, Beth.

Trust in love, Beth.

Believe in magic, Beth.

What the hell.

Come on. There you go.

OK...

Of course.

What an idiot.

What are you looking at?

Fountain of Love.

What a crock.

I mean, we wait our whole lives

for some perfect guy to come in

and sweep us off our feet.

Well, guess what. He's not coming.

Each one of you

is a desperate wish for love

that is never gonna come true.

So I'm saving you.

And...

saving you.

You, I don't give a damn about.

But I am saving you.

Magic.

- And you...

- So beautiful.

Thank you.

And I'm saving you.

- Hey, Father Dino.

- Nicholas.

The love police.

- Hello.

- Hey. Hey, it's Nick.

Nick who?

- Beamon. From the wedding.

- What's taking him so long?

- Joan gave me your number.

- Of course she did.

I wasn't really

expecting to get you.

You want me to hang up

so you can talk to the machine?

- No. This is good.

- Yo, Nick! What's going on?

Did you get lost?

Grab some beers! Let's do this!

I'm looking for the bottle opener.

It's on the fridge. See it from here.

Dude, you gave me the instruction card.

- That's a helpful card.

- Why is it wet?

- I put it in a glass of water.

- Why would you do that?

- I don't know.

- That's weird.

I was thinking maybe

we could have dinner later?

I'm already having dinner.

Maybe a drink? Some coffee?

- Nope.

- Which part no?

- The drink or the coffee?

- Nick!

It's just sort of a blanket nope.

Nick, how long you gonna take?

We watched Roots while you were gone!

Maybe I'm a little off base here,

but I thought that we hit it off

the other night, no?

Yeah, Nick, you're a little off base.

Who would win in a fight?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes