When In Rome Page #3

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A whale or a silverback gorilla?

Definitely a whale.

It also depends

if they're in water or not.

What about, like,

a couple silverback gorillas?

If they're in water, they'll lose.

Don't think they swim good?

I think they swim well.

I don't know if they swim good.

Let's be an English major,

why don't we?

Dude, what took you so long?

I didn't have a beard

when you left.

Nice. What's this?

- What's it look like?

- A bottle opener.

Use that to open beer bottles?

That would've been nice, beers.

That would've been nice.

That would've been great.

Whoa! You didn't call some chick

- during our game, did you?

- No!

You don't mind if I hit redial?

That wouldn't bother you?

- No, no, no, no. Give me that!

- Hello? I love you.

- So touchy all of a sudden.

- I'm not touchy.

You're sensitive all of a sudden.

I'm not... I'm not sensitive.

That's what a sensitive person

would say.

Yeah, whatever.

Methinks some girl

has put a spell on you.

[Tina Parol:
Hold Onto Your Heart]

No!

Wait! I just need to see your feet!

OK, I chase. No problem.

This is a great view from behind.

Wait!

Now the game is on!

In Italia, when a woman run away,

it mean she love you!

You must love me so much!

Bella, wait! Wait!

How can I prove my love to you,

if you won't stop?!

Mi amore, I just need

one moment with your feet!

I'm coming!

You out of your frigging mind, dude?

Are you OK?

I don't know what you're saying.

What's he saying?

I don't know. I don't speak idiot.

Please, allow me...

to see your magnifico feet.

What? No!

Hey, this is you.

- And this one, too.

- Let me explain.

My name is Antonio Guiseppe Donatello.

I'm from the village of Nunzio

in Italia.

I... My spleen. It's OK.

Two days ago, I have a vision.

I see the face of love, your face.

Then I see your neck,

your torso, your...

Got it. I get it.

But... I could not paint your feet.

You came from Italy to paint my feet?

No, also to earn your love.

I think you have me confused

with someone else.

Put some ice on it and be careful.

OK! I will paint your face

on every building in this city

until you recognize my love!

Hi. I'm kind of in a hurry, so...

Thanks.

No problem.

Isn't this place the greatest?

You can get your work done,

no one bothers you.

Food's great. Low carb, high protein.

The only way to go when

your work requires you to be

shredded and dieseled out.

Yeah, here, don't crane your neck.

Go ahead. Feast your eyes.

Yes, I've seen that look before.

You're intimidated

because I'm a model.

But I don't want you to be scared,

OK? I'm a normal guy.

This is my portfolio.

It's kind of my calling card.

These are mostly non-paying jobs,

or spec work.

I think that's a real dog.

And here's the crown jewel.

I am the Gasee guy. So...

I'm Gale.

Like a gale-force wind.

I took on that name because

it's the most powerful force

in the natural world.

For shaping and

eroding the earth, it's...

You can feel it.

Actually, I think that's water,

eroding the earth.

Don't think it's water.

I think it's wind.

- Like the Grand Canyon.

- I'm gonna look that up.

This is crazy. I don't know

whether to look at

my own reflection or at you,

- that's how beautiful you are.

- You know what? I have to go.

OK, you asked for it.

- Yeah, she's back. Hi.

- You can't just take your shirt off.

I don't hear any complaints

from the peanut gallery, so...

- Put your shirt back on, creep.

- Here you go.

I know this looks nuts, all right?

And maybe I am a little nuts

because I've never

tried to share my beauty

with anyone before.

And I think it's because

I'm in love with you. Big time.

Great first date, Beth!

Let's get another one on the books soon.

Come on, man, put your shirt on.

Honestly though,

is there a doctor here,

because there's some kind

of weird swelling in this...

Yeah, that can't be normal, can it?

Humans aren't...

Jeez, Louise, dessert's served.

Sit down, Gas guy.

- Sorry.

- Excuse me, miss. Miss?

I believe you dropped this.

My... Yeah, thank you.

I don't know how that fell off. Thanks.

Miss?

How did you...?

Time flies, but magic flies faster.

You're a street magician.

I really appreciate it,

but I don't have the time right now.

You have all the time in the world.

Damn it. All right,

now it's getting kind of creepy

because you must have just

touched me, and I didn't feel anything.

Pick a card, and I'll show you my heart.

- Come on, do it!

- Do it!

If I pick a card,

will you stop stealing my watch?

- Probably.

- OK.

Take a good look.

Don't show it to me.

- Wasn't gonna.

- Place it back in the deck.

Ready, everyone?

That's not my card.

I know... because the joker is me.

A fool for love.

I told you I'd show you my heart.

Is this your card?

Get over here.

Little help here, please.

Hey, little girl, could you please

give me my heart?

Is it me, or is New York

getting crazier?

- Your sister's on line 2.

- Take a message.

- She says it's kind of important.

- Fine. Patch her through.

Hi, Joan.

What were you doing

in the Fontana d'Amore

- during my wedding?

- What makes you think that...

I'm looking at a picture of you.

It's front-page news over here, sis.

What were you thinking?

I don't know.

Little bit of jet lag,

little bit of champagne,

or a lot of champagne.

And the next thing I'm sitting

in the fountain picking up coins.

That's not so good.

- Why not so good?

- There is a legend,

if you take someone's coin

they will fall in love with you.

- Except that is ridiculous.

- OK. Then we hang up!

I totally believe in magic coins.

- Were you on that call?

- Love is finally at your doorstep.

So have any men come on to you

since the wedding?

- Well...

- My God. They have been.

Yeah, a couple of weirdos

approached me this morning...

There are some magical forces

at work here.

I don't believe in magic.

Know what I do believe in?

Art. Where's my Slater Bradley?

Told you I was on top of it.

The insurance company

totally wanted to jack up the rate,

so in an effort to be more assertive,

I told them to shove it.

You told Hillman and Craft to shove it?

- Yeah.

- That piece was coming

from a collector in Australia.

Even if we got it on a jet today,

it would never clear customs

in time for the gala.

That means I have no centerpiece

for the Circle of Gold.

I'll get Hillman and Craft on the phone.

- I don't think I burned that bridge.

- No, no. It's too late now.

I have to tell Celeste.

Hello?

Hey. Did I mention Joan

gave me your cell number, too?

- Little busy now. What do you want?

- Same thing I wanted last night.

What is it going to take for me

to convince you

- that I'm not interested in you?

- What is it going to take?

It's going to take you looking me

in the eye to tell me that.

That'd require seeing you,

and I don't have the time...

- Hi.

- So you're stalking me now?

No, I'm just running into you

in a premeditated manner.

I have a big problem

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