When the Wind Blows Page #2

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After all, it'll all

be over in a flash.

Funny to think they were

on our side in the war.

- Who, dear?

- The Russkies.

- With old Joe Stalin.

- Yes, he was a nice chap.

I liked him.

Like an uncle, he was.

I liked his moustache and his pipe.

Yeah. Roosevelt was nice, too.

There was three of them.

Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin.

All good blokes.

With old Hitler, Goering and Musso,

and all that lot, on the other side.

You somehow knew where you were then.

I don't even know who the

people are these days.

I expect it's all done

by committees, dear.

Yes, and meetings. I expect they

have loads and loads of meetings,

and thus arrive at decisions.

Commuters, too.

They all use commuters these days.

It's got very impersonal.

Churchill with his cigar,

old Stalin with his moustache...

you knew where you stood.

Do you think they'll invade?

Oh, no, no. Won't need to.

It'll all be done by missiles.

Long... range.

Then they'll instil commuters

to take charge of us.

It's funny to think there's

no shelters this time.

We had an old Anderson in the garden.

I can see it now.

We had nasturtiums

growing all over it.

And we painted the front green.

Painted, it looked quite pretty.

Next door grew cabbages on theirs.

Yes. We had a Morrison.

Hm, I used to sleep in it.

I stuck pin-up girls

all over the inside.

Betty Grable,

Anne Shelton, Patricia Roc.

The roof got all smoky, cos I used

to read in bed with a candle.

Yes, it was nice in the war, really.

The shelters, the blackouts,

cups of tea...

The ARP, the evacuees.

London kids seeing

cows for the first time.

Old Churchill on the wireless.

The nine o'clock news.

- Vera Lynn singing away.

- Worker's Playtime.

Spitfires and Hurricanes in the

blue sky over the cornfields.

The White Cliffs of Dover.

Old Jerry coming over every night.

Those were the days.

Don't you dare use my best

cushions from the front room!

I'll get some old ones from upstairs.

I'll put them in plastic bags.

I don't want fingermarks

getting all over them.

I shouldn't worry too much, love.

They're bound to get dusty with

all the fallout coming down.

It says here we've got to lay

in food supplies for 14 days.

I'd better put a note out

for 28 pints of milk, then.

I'll just pop out and get 14 loaves,

dear! And a protractor.

Anything else you want?

I'll need more plastic bags, dear!

There's no bread, ducks! Sold out.

There seems to be some

sort of panic purchasing.

It can't be helped, dear.

After all, there is a war on.

Or nearly, anyway.

I hope you haven't left that cape

dripping in the hall, James!

Oh, no, dear.

Mr Willis has sold out of protractors.

I expect everyone wants 60 degrees.

He was terrifically kind, Mr Willis.

He cut me out a bit of card

with 60 degrees on it. Look.

Oh! Nice, dear.

Here's the emergency supplies, ducks.

Two packets of ginger creams,

half a jam sponge,

a tin of pineapple chunks

and a tin of Christmas pud.

It'll all be over by Christmas.

- You're not decorating now, James!

- We've got to paint the windows white, dear.

- Whatever for?

- It's for the radiation, I think.

Like they do in greenhouses, to keep

out the sun. It's the correct thing.

- It won't be that hot, surely!

- Well, I don't know.

They say the one at Hiroshima

was equal to one thousand suns.

So it is quite hot.

And besides, the powers that be

are making much better ones now.

Science has leaped forward

with giant strides. Oops!

Mind you don't get paint

on those curtains, James.

You should have taken them

down first. You never think.

I know that smile of yours, James.

"Keep doors closed to prevent

the spread of fire", it says.

- But you've taken off half the doors, James.

- Yes, dear.

Won't that make the fire worse, then?

Well, I...

Perhaps the blast will

blow the fire out.

Well... Hm!

The inner core or refuge looks

quite cosy, doesn't it, dear?

I hope those doors aren't

marking the wallpaper, James.

Come in and try it out, dear. Please.

Whoa! Careful! Careful!

You'll have it over!

Budge up, can't you, James?

Couldn't you have

made it a bit... wider?

It's... It's constructed in compliance

with the governmental specifications, dear.

Well, they might have made it

wide enough for two people.

- Suppose you were married?

- We are married, dear.

Yes, well there you are, then.

Oh!

What about if you had children?

Where would they go?

Oh, well, you'd just hold them in

your arms. They'd soon fall asleep.

Suppose they were 17 or 18?

Big boys with bristly chins

and big boots on. Skinheads.

Well, in that case, you'd...

just add a few more doors.

There's... no wall

space for more doors.

Oh. No.

Well, our Ron was never

a skinhead, anyway.

What on earth are you putting

the food in there for?

Well, that's where it's got to be.

But why can't it stay in

the larder and fridge?

Because we must not emerge for the

14 days of the national emergency.

You're not saying we've got to stay

in that thing for two weeks, are you?

Yes, dear. Ours not to reason why.

Now we must do the correct thing.

Well, what about the cooking, then?

How do I get to the cooker?

We'll just have to use the

little picnic stove, dear.

- What about the toilet?

- Well...

Well, we'll have to have

a potty, or something.

I can tell you now, James Bloggs,

that I am going to go upstairs

in the proper manner.

But you mustn't emerge, dear. Not for

the 14 days of the national emergency.

All right, then, how are you

going to empty the chamber pot?

Well, we just have to empty

it down the toilet, I suppose.

- You just said we couldn't go to the toilet.

- Oh. Yes.

Well... Yeah, well,

Now, we'd better not cross our

bridges till we come to them, eh?

Look on the bright side, eh, ducks?

Six, five, zero, zero, six, ten...

It says here, "Two pints of

water per person per day."

I wonder if we've got enough bottles.

I'll have a look under

the stairs, dear.

I've measured the water

into the bottles, James.

I've labelled them so we

don't get in a muddle.

Oh, good. That's nice, dear.

You're very efficient in a

national emergency, dearest.

Get on with you!

It says here, "D: Miscellaneous:

Salt, tomato ketchup and sauces,

pepper, matches, toilet paper,

disinfectant, vitamin tablets,

tin opener, knives, forks, spoons."

Funny. No plates.

- What's all that, dear?

- I don't know.

It's called "miscellaneous."

Pass it in, please.

- Funny.

- What, dear?

In the governmental leaflet, it says,

"Remove thin materials from windows."

And in the County Council leaflet, it says,

"Hang white sheets in the windows."

I wonder which is correct.

Oh! It says peanut butter.

We haven't got any. Oh, dear.

Never mind, ducks.

I don't like it, nor do you.

No, but it's on the official list.

Oh, dear.

Now, don't worry, love.

I expect we'll survive without it.

It'll probably go runny

in the heat, anyway.

You get terrific heat with

these bombs, you know.

Mind you, diet is very important.

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