When We First Met Page #6

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Because this is easily

the longest conversation we've ever had.

Let's just say I learned to...

What, move on?

Yeah. Something like that.

I mean, there has to be a way that

I could prove I'm as good as Ethan is.

Those two are just buds.

Right. Yeah, buds.

Because I've been love-blocking them

since the second we met.

They're like love magnets,

and no matter what happens,

they're gonna smash into each other

over and over and over and over.

Okay, I get it.

You're extremely threatened by Ethan.

He's stable, he's secure.

As long as I've known Avery,

she's been driven,

but, yeah, she wants the home

with the white picket fence, family.

She's a sucker for all that.

It's not really my thing.

You're absolutely right. Yes.

I have to be that guy.

It makes... It makes perfect sense.

She wants someone to build a future with,

and that's what Ethan can give her

that I can't.

Yet.

I could totally be that guy.

I went to business school,

for Christ's sake.

Okay, Avery. You want something different?

I understand. Well, I'm about to be

the man of your dreams.

Come on. Let's go.

I'm ready.

Okay.

Yes.

Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.

Perfect.

Max?

I'm here for a job, my man.

You gorgeous son of a b*tch.

Get in here, bro.

Yes. I'm so proud of you.

I've been waiting for this so long.

Me and you are gonna run this place

together someday.

- I hope so.

- Max.

Go get my lettuce cups already.

All right. Right away, sir.

Okay, no. You handle the mail.

Turn in my rsum.

I'll go get the lettuce cups, okay?

All right. Thanks, buddy.

Also, real quick. What are lettuce cups?

Uh, it's lettuce

but in the shape of a cup.

Okay.

No, no Hulk smashing.

- Hulk smash.

- No more smashing.

Hulk sitting. That's what Hulkie's doing.

Okay, let's get this good stuff in ya.

Let's get you hydrated before you barrel

into a crowd full of innocent strangers.

Okay? There you go.

- Hulk drink.

- Yes, Hulk drink.

Good Hulk. Doing good, Hulk.

There he is.

Best costume of the party award.

Angus Young? AC/DC?

You just made my night complete.

Thank you so much.

For those about to rock,

we salute you.

Thank you so much for this.

Best Halloween ever!

Yes, it is.

Oh, you're still doing that walk.

Very good. Right?

So this is all anyone really wants, right?

Someone to support and take care of them.

Someone secure who's also, like...

like a mythically nice person

to be the rock in their time of need.

Right?

There she is.

There's that girl I was telling you about.

Dottie Hinson.

They're calling your name. You're on deck.

- Oh, am I?

- Mm-hmm.

You are a patriotic toddler?

I am the American dream.

Are you?

- Okay. I like that.

- Hey.

Do you wanna hang out

and then get a house in the suburbs,

adopt a golden retriever,

have 2.8 kids together?

I mean, I do like dogs.

- Maybe we should get a drink first.

- That's probably a good place to start.

Yeah.

Excuse me.

- Garon.

- Hey, Noah.

We'd like to order

your most expensive bottle of wine.

- Ooh, you're fancy.

- Mm-hmm.

Noah, that's a $500 bottle of wine, dude.

Then we would like your most

reasonably priced bottle of wine.

So $95?

Yeah. Uh-huh. Yes.

- That's perfect.

- Coming right up.

This is really nice.

- You just think this is nice?

- Yeah.

This is gonna be one of the best nights

of your life.

I can deal with best night of my life.

And it's starting right now.

Whoo!

Thank you.

All right. That was good.

Right now we're gonna dedicate

this next tune to my main man, Noah,

and his beautiful,

lovely new lady friend, Avery.

- How did he know your name?

- Noah.

- What did you do?

- We're gonna miss you around here, bro.

This entire evening is dedicated to you.

- You like Count Basie?

- I do. I love him.

Luckily,

that's basically all that Danny knows.

So what did he mean when he said

that they're gonna miss you?

- I used to work here.

- Oh, you did?

Yeah, that piano bench right there,

it's still warm to the touch

from my butt cheeks.

I got a hot butt.

I don't know if you know that or not.

- No, not yet.

- You check it out?

Why would you quit though?

This place is amazing.

I'm just taking

an extended leave of absence

to live a more grown-up life.

Oh. So, like, boring?

I'm wearing

a red, white and blue onesie right now.

Do I look like the kind of guy

that would aspire to live a boring life?

No.

Very not boring.

What the hell?

What?

What, am I fat?

I'm fat now. Great. I'm fat now.

Great, I'm fat!

This is all working out, isn't it?

Ohh...

It's comfort weight.

Oh!

Noah, you're a boss.

You have arrived.

Hi, Mr. Noah.

Hey, babe, you're up.

I'm way up. I am so up.

I missed you last night.

Oh, that is so, so good to hear.

Mmm.

- You want some breakfast?

- I would love some.

Okay.

Oh.

I love our house. It's awesome.

It's large, you know, yet kind of cozy.

And obviously I'm wealthy, but this is

tastefully decorated. It's not gaudy.

Are you okay? You're acting weird.

Oh, I'm okay. I've never felt better.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Look what came

just in time for the party tonight.

Okay.

What do you think? Too cheesy?

That is the most beautiful plate

I've ever seen.

I love it. You're big-spooning me.

It's perfect.

And I love the message too. Forever?

Oh, my God! Look at this ring!

Oh, what?

I'm, like...

I'm a rich dude.

- I know.

- Oh, I am good to you, huh?

- Come in here.

- Okay.

- Yeah. Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.

Oh, come on. Mom! Dad!

Carrie. What are you doing here?

Well, I'm not trying to win house guest

of the year or anything,

but I did pick up your engagement photos

from the lab.

- Ooh.

- She's a... You're a house guest.

She lives here with us.

You're our house guest. Okay.

Oh, well...

not for very long.

Okay.

I kind of have some really,

really exciting news.

Not to one-up you,

but my gallery showing was last night,

and I sold my entire collection of photos.

- That is so exciting.

- Wow.

- Congratulations.

- That is huge.

What will I do without you?

This house gets so creepy

when Noah's traveling and I'm home alone.

What? No.

No, it's not creepy.

And no one's gonna feel alone.

Not in this house.

You know what?

You could stay here as long as you want.

If it makes Avery happy,

it makes me happy.

Mmm! Goddamn, that coffee is good!

Oh, my God.

This is my favorite car.

This is my, like, all-time fav...

Of course I would have this car.

It makes perfect sense.

Uh-oh, uh-oh.

Uh-oh, that dog's barkin'.

That dog is a-barkin'.

Right.

So you're gonna be home

on time today, right?

For the party? Of course. Yes.

I'm excited.

- This is a big deal for us.

- Yeah.

Let's make some memories. Right?

Sorry about this. 7:30 in the morning.

Yeah, here. Don't forget this one.

- You left it on your nightstand.

- I have two phones.

I know.

No, decli... All right.

- Now this one. Okay.

- Incoming call from...

No, thanks.

Sorry. Uh...

- Incoming call from work.

- No, I don't wanna answer.

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