Where the Buffalo Roam Page #5

This is a party, not a safari!

...Cowboys were a better team.

Dallas, its second trip here.

Because of media hype, the news media,

in the weeks before the Super Bowl,

the distraction caused by the reporters,

it is felt that a team making its first trip

to Super Bowl,

as the Miami Dolphins are,

is much more distracted

than a team that's been through it before.

Hence one reason, repeat only one reason,

for the Dallas Cowboys' favouritism

here this afternoon.

Miami, of course,

moved toward this Super Bowl appearance

by winning one of the great

football games of...

Come on, let me show you around.

Is this the old Baby Face Nelson place?

You guys know American gangsters?

Homeboy to T1. Homeboy to T1.

You remember Billy?

He got paroled after three years.

He's joined our cause.

- Glad you could make it, man.

- I couldn't miss this,

when the old gang gets back for a hoot.

- I don't know how long I'm gonna stay.

- Don't worry, man.

As your ex-attorney,

I advise you not to worry.

Homeboy to T1. Homeboy to T1.

She's terrific. I met her in Vegas.

- Lazlo, it's Rojas, he's coming.

- Perfect.

- Right on schedule.

- Rojas?

Yeah, Rojas. Come on, everybody, let's go.

Lazlo!

Compaero.

Como ests? Esto es Lazlo.

Nos tiene los rifles, las pistolas,

las granadas, las bombas.

Todo lo que necesitamos!

Is this your new A party list?

Odd-looking group.

Then you always did have strange friends.

Associates. You are my friend.

Oh, that's good to know.

- Puedo?

- Whoa, whoa. Un momentito.

Para ti.

Mira lo que veo!

Mira que belleza!

Pero yo nunca haba visto

un ametralladora as!

Mira!

You gave this man a gun?

Perfecto. S.

No.

Es como una mujer!

Playful little puppy, isn't he?

Muy buenos rifle.

Muy fast.

Pendejo!

Quite a staff you got here.

Cara tan linda, coo, ven aca.

Un tequilita, un tequilita.

Lazlo, what kind of weirdness is that?

Look, man...

We need you to write about our movement.

There's an airplane coming in later.

- Airplane?

- These people are our brothers.

They got a struggle and I wanna help 'em.

- You should be part of it.

- These are your brothers?

This cheap imitation General Patton

out here?

I oughtta Mace the f***er for that cheap

trouncing he gave his buddy. F*** you!

It's history, man.

Guns, dope, armed insurrection.

Peasant land seizure.

Dig it.

Ghost riders, anarchist prophets,

fire, blood...

revolution!

Oh, it's a grand, grand tale, Laz.

It's right up there with Gone With The Wind.

I'm all for dope and goats, nobody's bigger,

but, you know, crazed dope lawyer

turns gun-running revolutionary,

I'm pounding it up in my head

and I think you should take me back

to the hotel and I'll finish the story.

Don't give me this sh*t,

I'm counting on you.

You gotta write a story. I need your help.

Lazlo, look out there,

these guys are piranhas with guns.

They stop their own.

Hey, guns don't scare me, buddy.

I'm a weapons expert.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

Oh, no.

Oh, gee, what a mix-up. Sorry.

Oh, my God. Jeez.

Billy, you wanna turn on the game?

See if there's a score, Bill, yeah.

Half-time here at Super Bowl VI

with Dallas leading Miami only 10 to 3.

I say only because the seven-point margin

doesn't tell the dominance of the Cowboys

through the first 30 minutes. '

Dallas led by their brilliant quarterback,

by the brilliant running

of halfback Duane Thomas.

- Hi, Momma!

- Get him outta here!

I wanna say hi to Big Bertha...

- Sir, you'll have to leave.

- Do you see this fat f***er?

Hey, man, I'm glad you're here.

Who's your favourite group?

The Stones or the Beatles?

This is T1 to Homeboy. Over.

- This is Homeboy.

- I am six miles east at 900 feet.

Over there. Yeah, on that ridge.

We see you, you're dead ahead.

Billy, light the runway.

Truthfully now, have you done this before?

Many, many times.

OK, everybody, let's go.

Please! You can't leave your car here.

Give me your keys, I'll run it back.

Come on, come on.

It's your car, somebody's gonna steal it.

ndale, ndale!

Move it!

Move it, pronto!

Get it in there, get it in there.

Put it in there.

Partner.

Move it, come on! Move it!

Vamos, muchachos. Let's go.

Holy sh*t.

Come on!

- This guy a friend of yours?

- Grab the f***in' box!

Can I carry something?

Yeah.

Hey... whoa!

Come on! Hunter!

- Come on, man!

- Fascisti swine!

Bastards! Playground strafers!

- This car is a classic!

- ndale!

Hey! Hey! Thompson!

Red alert! Red alert!

I don't think we'll be doing this again, Lazlo.

Gonzo! Gonzo! Gonzo!

Dr Thompson, where've you been?

We've been waiting for you.

- Come on. Are you OK?

- Quit whining.

- I... I was just...

- You've upset me already,

calling me first thing...

- Holy Jesus.

- No, we're going out there now.

I don't think so.

You've whipped them into a frenzy.

- Only a fool would go in there.

- They really want to see you.

They probably mean business.

This isn't right.

Come on. I think it's gonna be all right.

- You look just fine.

- I know I look great

- but I don't feel too confident.

- Stay right there.

- I'll be right back. Stay right there.

- Well...

Gonzo! Gonzo!

OK!

They got the real woodpeckers here today.

I know you've been waiting a long time

but he's here, so you'll get him.

OK, quiet down, everybody.

OK, great.

OK, as you all know, Dr Thompson

is working on the campaign.

He's on a very tight schedule, so keep

the questions brief and one at a time.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dr Thompson.

Me, me, me!

Let's start here.

- Dr Thompson...

- Any questions? What?

In your recent pieces about the candidate,

you're having difficulty

getting to see him. Why is that?

Well, I think we keep different hours.

Probably most of it, he calls me, I'm not in.

I return his call, he's out.

He calls back, gets my machine.

I call him back, he's under sedation.

It goes on.

Cos I thought it had

something to do with this article

where you called him a treacherous hack

and a vermin-filled ex-wart healer

who should be castrated so that his genes

aren't passed on to future generations.

Did I say that?

Well, I must have meant it if I said it. So...

I owe him an apology or nothing at all.

If you get to see him,

what are you gonna say?

Well...

I'm gonna tell him to wear brighter colours.

He...

Shut up. I'll talk.

Why do you think they gave me this?

Dr Thompson,

for those of us who are writers...

Yeah? Those of us? Shall we raise

our hands so we know who we are?

Could you tell me if you thought drugs

and alcohol would make me a better writer?

That's a good question.

Let me see.

In my case, I hate to advocate drugs

or liquor, violence, insanity, to anyone,

but in my case it's worked.

We have another question

right here.

Dr Thompson, er, are you gonna write

any more articles about Lazlo?

Lazlo, my attorney?

No.

- No, he's dead.

- How's that?

He hasn't been heard from for some time

and he's believed dead.

Well, it always seemed to me

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