Where the Buffalo Roam Page #7

But... I don't wanna sit here.

Trust me.

OK?

So, man...

you surprised to see me?

You bet.

You have no idea how much trouble

I had tracking you down,

- all the zipping around you do.

- I got a nutty, nutty schedule, Laz.

Yeah, well, anyway...

we got some business to do.

- We have business?

- Oh, yeah. Big business.

Now... Jesus, I got so much stuff here,

I don't know where to start.

This is it.

Land. Our land.

Acres and acres of it, man.

Square miles of land.

- Well?

- Sounds good.

I'm gonna be in San Francisco Tuesday.

We should get together.

Hey, man, that's no good.

We gotta move on this now.

Look at this.

- These guys you can trust, I trained 'em.

- Honest... honest faces, all of 'em.

Here. Look at this. Look at the body.

She's down there waiting for you.

I picked her out myself.

Hey.

This is Harris of the Post,

experiencing extreme turbulence,

and we're still on the ground.

Holy Jesus.

The forecast is for bad greasiness.

Don't you understand, man?

This'll be like having our own country,

the two of us.

It'll be like paradise, man,

like a f***ing paradise!

You wise-ass son of a b*tch. You're off

this campaign. Give me your credentials.

- Hold on.

- Give them to me right now.

Hey, calm down.

Calm down? Who are you? Who is he?

Who is this fat clown?

- Fat clown?

- Oh...

Yeah, fat clown.

Do I have to repeat myself all the time?

You psychotic, you've done it to me again.

It's for your own good.

You don't belong here.

Oh, look out.

It's just a drill, just a drill. Stay down.

- Dooley, are you all right?

- Thank you.

Dooley, heads up.

Stay back!

How do you stop this thing?

It's stuck. What the hell?

Agh! It wasn't, you swine!

You know it wasn't stuck.

Oh, my God.

Back there, whoo!

Oh, that was great, man.

Just like the old times.

- Jesus.

- Don't worry, we'll write a new story.

You are a menace to yourself

and those around you.

You can't stay on that plane, you'll dry up.

You're a creative man, a writer.

It did take a while to rile them up.

They're not your people.

I'm your people, man.

We're right on schedule. Truck's over here.

- I'm not coming.

- You're not coming?

I can't, you're insane, you're a maniac.

You're fortunate I haven't turned you in.

Hey, man, what are you talking about?

- I got this organised. Look at it.

- There's nothing there. It's rocks and dirt.

- That's the idea. We'll build.

- Build what?

You already live in the land of the weird.

F***, man, you're a writer.

Use your imagination.

- All right. Oh, there's buildings there.

- We'll build a goddamn paradise!

Our own place, you and me.

We got land, we got dope, we got women.

What kind of women would go there?

- That's not it, man.

- I'm not coming.

You gotta be my partner,

like it's always been, man.

Fifty-fifty.

Yeah, but I'm not coming.

It's blowing away!

Hey, come on, help me.

Hunter, come on.

You're my friend. Help me. It's gonna be

great, man. It's gonna be paradise.

Hot damn.

So much for the facts.

Bronco, listen to this, tell me what you think.

"Well, I guess if I had to swear

one way or another,

"I'd say Lazlo wasn't insane.

"He just had very strange rhythms.

"But he stomped on the terror.

"Lord Buckley said that.

"It's hard to say he got what he deserved...

"because he never really got anything. "

"At least, not in this story,

"and right now this story is all we have. "

Come on, Bronco, we're celebrating.

Come on, the story is finished, man,

don't get weird on me now.

To better days, huh?

A close second, Bronco.

"It's sad.

"But what's really sad is...

"it never got weird enough for me.

"I moved to the country

when the boat got too crowded.

"Then I learned that President Nixon

"had been eaten by white cannibals

on an island near Tijuana

"for no good reason at all.

"Golly, you hear a lot of savage and

unnatural things about people these days.

"And Lazlo and Nixon are both gone now.

"But I don't think I'm going to believe that

"until I can gnaw on both of their skulls

with my very own teeth. "

F*** those people, huh?

"If they're out there, I'm going to find them

"and I'm going to gnaw on their skulls...

"because it still hasn't gotten

weird enough for me. "

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