Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Page #2

I'll do my best to stay objective.

I don't care if you can do your job.

I care if my men can.

Are you familiar with the term

"four-ten-four", Miss Baker?

I am not, Colonel.

It refers to women who are fours back

home become tens when they ship out

and when they're back stateside,

they become fours again.

Are you saying I'm a four?

I'm saying you carry

an orange f***ing backpack.

I've seen people with actual experience

make bad decisions here.

So while you're outside

the wire with my men,

you will in no way

distract them, understood?

Are you asking me not

to sleep with your soldiers?

No, not "soldiers". Marines.

You're not here to sleep with or perform

jobs of any type on my Marines.

Clear copy, Miss Baker?

- Copy that.

- Good.

We'll get you out to a FOB

as soon as we find a ride for you.

In the meantime, Captain Stern here

will see to it that you get a wet hootch.

A what?

It's a tent with a shower.

Unless you'd prefer a dry hootch.

I would not, sir.

Sorry.

Could you just...

State your name and rank?

Gunnery Sergeant Clinton J. Hurd.

All right. Dang it!

So, do you believe the Afghani people

are happy about our presence here?

No, Afghans are the people.

Afghanis is the currency.

That's right. I knew that. Thank you.

What do you believe

your mission to be here?

Ma'am, you got a sticker on your pants.

It's bugging the sh*t out of me. Ma'am...

Fahim.

What inspired you to enlist originally?

I'm a big fan of the movie Predator

with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We're the same height.

Do you think the war in Iraq

has affected your resources here?

I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm not authorized

to answer that question.

I'd say we're both on the

wrong side of Persia, ma'am.

Iraq is where you get some right now.

Here just has sh*t all.

Are you guys getting

outside the wire much?

Yes, ma'am. Most days.

You know, we help out with

community projects and all.

And wells.

And sometimes at night

we shoot the big gun,

- but, you know, it's quiet here.

- Jesus!

We don't wear IBAs on the FOB.

I don't even chamber a round

in my weapon anymore, because,

you know, I figure accidental discharge

is scarier than the Taliban.

With Iraq, do you feel like people

have forgotten about Afghanistan?

Well...

Yes, ma'am. I'd say that

surely is the word for it.

This here's a forgotten war.

It's capital F, capital W.

What's your... Your name and rank?

I'm Lance Corporal Coughlin,

India Company 3-5.

Thank you.

Kim. Your hair.

Thanks, Fahim.

You really are a fixer.

Moon's out.

It's beautiful.

Suck my dick!

What does that mean?

It means, "What a terrible event!"

Miss Baker.

Colonel Hollanek is coming to Norton

tomorrow to check on some of our PRT work.

And you and your crew

are clear to tag along.

- Great, thanks.

- Rolls out at zero-six.

- That's 6:
00 a.m.

- I know that, yeah.

Fire!

Come on, let's go!

Get this sh*t together! We gotta move!

F***ing hands out of your pockets!

You think you're in the f***ing Army?

What is this?

That's my supplies. Camera stuff.

You f***ing kidding me?

This is an orange ruck.

No, ma'am. Not on my vehicle.

The girl at the North Face store

said it was, like, military grade.

Well, where are you gonna hide it?

Inside a f***ing sunset?

I mean, even the Dutch Army

don't wear orange.

Fix it.

How do I fix it?

Rapono!

Got to stay hydrated, ma'am.

Coughlin. I didn't recognize you.

That's 'cause I'm in warrior mode.

It makes me taller.

Enjoy the ride, ma'am.

I'm dying to know who blew up my well.

Working on it, Colonel.

That was a nice f***ing well, Corporal.

What'd he say?

What's that mean?

He wants to know if you are the Russians.

The Russians?

No!

No, sir. That was 20 years ago.

And we're here to help.

And I'm black.

The Russians are blacks now.

If we fix the well, you can't blow it up.

Kim, I was talking to some

of the younger men.

They say the Taliban came at night.

I don't care. No. I drank

too much water and I have to pee.

Stop. Stop. I am engaged to be married.

Okay, Fahim,

I know you like your women to be, like,

beautiful, mysterious IKEA bags, okay?

But we urinate, Doctor.

Out of our vaginas.

You think you urinate out the...

No. I know it's a separate thing!

God! Just please help me.

There is nowhere for you to go.

I cannot ask these men about this.

And I'm not allowed to talk to the women.

Fine. Forget it. I'll hold it.

Women are tough, right?

Are you okay, ma'am?

Gosh, damn it, man. This is a new one.

I was cursing your name at 0-stupid-30,

but I'm glad I came out today.

Would you not have gone

on patrol today if I weren't here?

No, I'd be back in Norton filling HESCOs.

Copy that.

We're still 5 mikes.

It must be one hairy dump.

No, I'm just getting my pants on.

Damn it, Sergeant Hurd.

Whatever.

- Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

- Marine!

Make a hole, Baker.

Move out!

Why are we stopping?

The lead vehicle bottomed out.

Okay! Heads on a swivel!

Didn't we come this way?

We most surely did.

- Contact left!

- Stay in the vehicle!

Sh*t! Hot! Hot bullet things!

Kim, don't get out of the car! Kim!

Get down behind the engine block!

Stay there! Stay there!

Kim.

Get back in the car!

No, please, Kim!

Ma'am, I asked you to stay put!

Those a**holes tried to shoot us!

Jesus!

You have got to be shitting me!

You just shot a Javelin at a f***ing car!

That's an $80,000 piece of ordnance!

Can any of you geniuses

tell me the Kelley Blue Book value

of a 1989 Toyota pickup?

Oorah, Baker. Get some.

I hope you got all that on film, ma'am.

'Cause that right there,

that's what we do best.

Hearts and minds.

That's the two best places

to shoot somebody.

What?

I told you to stay in the car.

Okay, I'll get back in the car.

The Marines don't have

much to say about Iraq.

Their mantra is that they are

focused on doing the job here.

And even though, as we saw firsthand,

attacks against coalition forces are up,

Corporal Coughlin told me earlier

that he is still not planning

to lock and load his weapon

when he is out on patrol.

Our own Kim Baker reporting for us live.

Welcome!

Wow, good job, Kim! Ruthless!

B*tch, we are going out tonight!

It's okay. It's okay. Here.

It's okay. It's all right.

Why don't I know who you are?

You're what, like, 42?

Sold.

Why have I never heard of you?

Yeah, I haven't done

a lot of overseas reporting.

I've done mostly domestic reportage.

"Reportage"?

Domestic reportage.

Look, everyone in the Kabubble

is full of sh*t. It's okay.

Half the accents are fake.

The whole "I'm ex-Special Forces"

wankers are flat out lying.

"Reportage"?

Oh, Christ, what is this?

I really shouldn't have

my back to the door.

It's bad tradecraft, but it's worth it

to talk to you two ladies.

F*** off.

You got it.

Champagne?

Thank you.

Finish this, and then we'll go meet

some friends in Wazir Akbar Khan.

And I am warning you now,

do not sleep with Iain.

- Who is Iain?

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