White Van Man Page #5

Season #2 Episode #12

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CUT TO:

217 EXT. TONY’S HOUSE - MORNING 6 - 08:00 217

LIZ knocks on the door. Dressed for work and holding

TAKEAWAY CUPS OF COFFEE.

It’s answered by OLLIE, wearing WHITE OVERALLS just like

Andrzej’s. LIZ stares at him.

LIZ:

What the hell are you wearing?

OLLIE:

I like it. It’s practical.

LIZ can’t help but smirk. She holds out the COFFEE.

LIZ:

(Chipper)

Latte with a shot of vanilla, I

believe.

OLLIE:

(Takes it - impressed)

Oh - thanks.

Beat. OLLIE just stands there.

LIZ:

Well, what are we waiting for?

OLLIE:

Sorry, Darren used to try and waste

time by using the toilet. You don’t

need..

LIZ:

Went before I left the house. It’s a

new day Ollie, it’s a new day.

He smiles and together they get in the van.

CUT TO:

'WHITE VAN MAN 2' Episode 2 Blue Script 07/10/11 28

218 MONTAGE - OLLIE AND LIZ’S WORKING DAY - DAY 6 218

The VAN drives along.

They measure a kitchen and give the owner a quote, LIZalways the one talking and charming them. They leave,

happily shaking hands with the smiling owner at the frontdoor.

The Van Drives along.

ANOTHER HOUSE - LIZ and OLLIE happily BLEEDING RADIATORStogether.

The VAN drives along.

ANOTHER HOUSE - OLLIE and LIZ work in the back garden, LIZanimated and OLLIE looking happy.

The VAN drives along.

CUT TO:

*

*

*

*

219 EXT. MAPLEBURY STREET - DAY 6 - 17:00 219

As the MONTAGE comes to an end - OLLIE leans against the van(parked on yellow lines). LIZ rounds the side of the van,

tearing up a parking ticket and handing OLLIE the pieces.

LIZ:

Ta daa!

*

*

*

OLLIE:

How? He never lets us off!

*

*

LIZ:

(Cheeky but with a smug edge)

I guess I must just be better at thisthan you.

She goes to the driver’s side of the VAN.

LIZ (CONT’D)

Keys...

OLLIE’S face falls.

*

*

*

*

OLLIE:

(Slightly confused)

Err, I tend to do all the driving.

'WHITE VAN MAN 2' Episode 2 Blue Script 07/10/11 29

LIZ:

Exactly. It’ll do us good to share.

Keys!

OLLIE, panicked by her tone throws LIZ the VAN KEYS. Stilla little confused by all this, he slowly climbs in thepassenger side of the van.

LIZ (CONT’D)

Curry - it’s time to improve this

company.

(Smiles to self, proud)

Bet you’re not even missing Darren at

all.

OLLIE, sinks lower into the passenger seat, turns on theradio and looks forlorn out the window as a SOPPY LOVE SONG

PLAYS.

LIZ drives off.

CUT TO:

220 OMITTED 220

221 INT. HARDWARE STORE - EVENING 6 -17:30 221

TONY behind the counter, rummaging in a box of assortedparaphernalia. OLLIE and LIZ enter.

LIZ:

Right, I’m just going to say hi to

Auntie Pat and I’ll be right back.

She goes off into the back room. OLLIE looks confused to seeTONY here.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Hi.

OLLIE *

*

TONY pulls something out of the box and holds it out forOLLIE to see.

*

*

TONY:

Here’s a question for you... what’s

that?

*

*

I dunno...

OLLIE *

*

Takes it and pushes a button, flashing the laser against hishand.

*

*

OLLIE (CONT’D)

It’s a laser measurer, for...

measuring stuff.

*

*

*

'WHITE VAN MAN 2' Episode 2 Blue Script 07/10/11 29A

TONY *

That’s what I said. *

(Shouting off) *

Phil - I was right - it’s for *

measuring stuff. *

UNCLE PHIL (O.S.)

It’s not, it’s a barcode scanner! *

TONY *

No it isn’t, you stubborn old fool! *

This is why I fired him off the van. *

He writes Laser Measurer on a box. *

UNCLE PHIL (O.S.) *

You didn’t fire me - I quit. *

TONY *

(Shouting off) *

You wish! *

(to Ollie) *

How much would one of these cost. *

‘About a hundred quid? I’ll say a *

hundred. *

He puts £100 on the side of the box. *

OLLIE *

Dad... when you and Phil stopped *

working together... did you ever *

regret it? *

TONY *

Honestly son... No. *

(Shouting off) *

I would have done it earlier but I got *

a grant from the council on account of *

his special needs. *

PHIL (O.S.) *

I heard that, you scoundrel! *

LIZ re-enters. *

'WHITE VAN MAN 2' Episode 2 Blue Script 07/10/11 30

*

LIZ *

Oh nice one, I’ve been looking for *

that everywhere. *

OLLIE *

What is it? *

LIZ *

It’s for hair removal. *

Beat. OLLIE and TONY stare at it. *

TONY *

What kind of hair...? *

LIZ *

What do you think?! *

TONY instantly drops it on the counter and steps back like it *

were a bomb. Then changes the price to £200. *

LIZ (CONT’D)

What are you even doing here? *

TONY *

(Pointing off) *

I’m helping d*ckhead out. He’s lost *

without you. How was your day?

LIZ *

(Playful but with a hint of *

truth) *

Turns out I am awesome at the job. *

TONY smiles at OLLIE. EMMA enters clutching paperwork. *

OLLIE:

Hello. Can’t live without me can

you?

EMMA:

Err, no. Actually I came to see Phil. *

(Picking up the laser hair *

remover) *

Ouch - who’s the gorilla? *

LIZ:

(Quickly changing the *

subject) *

Why do you need to see Phil?

EMMA:

Oh. We’ve been having an affair for *

months. *

Beat. Everyone stares at her.

'WHITE VAN MAN 2' Episode 2 Blue Script 07/10/11 30A

EMMA (CONT’D)

I’m joking... Jesus. *

(MORE)

'WHITE VAN MAN 2' Episode 2 Blue Script 07/10/11 31

EMMA (CONT’D)

(Beat)

But, I’m actually a little insulted *

by how easily you believed that...

TONY:

He’s a good looking guy. *

EMMA *

(To Ollie) *

And, I’m glad I caught you. I’ve *

looked at those flats for you.

They’re all awful so I’ve told the *

landlord you’ll take the only one I

moderately liked.

OLLIE:

What? Hang on, it’s my flat.

EMMA:

Yeah, but I’ll be staying over a lot,

so it’s got to be nice. I’ve looked at

18 of them.

(Showing him papers)

This one’s above a strip club. This *

one’s next door to a crack den. This

one IS a crack den.

OLLIE:

Alright, I get the message.

EMMA:

(Showing him papers)

This one really is the only option.

LIZ:

(Under her breath)

Why don’t you just piss on him - *

mark your territory that way. *

EMMA gives her a sarcastic look.

EMMA:

(To Ollie)

So, what do you say? Fancy taking a

look?

OLLIE:

Well, we were gonna go to the pub...

EMMA:

Nah, pub’ll be there tomorrow.

Tonight’s about flats. Come on...

And with that she drags him out the door. LIZ watches him

go.

'WHITE VAN MAN 2' Episode 2 Blue Script 07/10/11 32

TONY:

Guess we’ll see him tomorrow then.

*

*

I guess so.

LIZ:

UNCLE PHIL (O.S.)

(Shouting through)

Are you done with that box yet?

*

*

*

TONY takes a deep breath. *

TONY:

I’m just finishing it.

*

*

UNCLE PHIL:

Well - chop, chop...

(Beat - enjoying this)

...I’m the boss now!

*

*

*

*

TONY looks daggers, much like OLLIE might give DARREN. LIZstifles a laugh.

*

*

CUT TO:

222 EXT. HOUSE (ANDRZEJ’S JOB) - NIGHT 6 - 22:00 222

ANDRZEJ, JAN and DARREN walk unsteadily towards the house,

all very drunk. A TENT, sits on the lawn.

DARREN:

Thanks guys. I’ll see you tomorrow.

ANDRZEJ:

What do you mean?

DARREN:

I’m pissed. I’m gonna go home, crackone out and then sleep.

(Beat - almost to self)

Must remember to write about it in

my diary for Ollie.

He puts a CIGARETTE in his mouth, takes out his LIGHTER andgoes to light it. JAN leaps at him, slapping it from hishand.

JAN:

No flames near the jacket. Woof likedog!

DARREN looks at JAN, then bursts out LAUGHING, drunk and

uncontrollable. After a moment he stops and looks around.

DARREN:

Where are we?

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