Who Done It? Page #2

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Me?

Yes, you.

After all, he told me

that I gotta... Shh. Quiet.

- You are very cute.

- May I have a straw, please?

Help yourself, madam.

Thanks. Help yourself.

Anything at all. Say, do you

think that Colonel Andrews...

could use a couple

of crackerjack radio writers?

There's a swell job upstairs,

writing the Murder at Midnight show.

I just tossed it away.

Hey, that's just for us.

- Aren't you two soda jerks?

- Oh, no. We just took this job yesterday.

- Yeah. We don't even know what

we put in your malted milk.

We're only here to be close to

the radio producers. That's all.

We write our own radio mysteries. Sure.

We play the detectives,

and we solve the mysteries.

Would you like to hear our

latest yarn? Huh? Sure you would.

Come on. Let's read it

for her. Give it to us.

Here. I got a mike in my hand. Get a mike.

It's a prison mystery entitled, "The

Midget Gets the Chair," or, "Small Fry. "

"It's a dark and stormy night.

Rain is falling.

All you can see in the street

is muck and mire. "

Yeah. I'm Muck. I'm Meyer.

Hiya, Meyer. Pretty good. We're

the detectives. Hiya, Muck.

Yeah.

Don't clear your throat! Sorry.

"Suddenly, the radio says...

"Midget Mullins made a prison break before

the warden could get him into the chair.

So we sne-e-eak around to where his

girl lives... " Read that faster.

Don't read so slow. You're

scarin' me. All right, never mind.

Don't say, "They sne-e-eak.

" Say, "They sneaked around. "

All right. Go ahead. "He was

in love with his gun mole... "

Moll. Moll!

Mole.

M-o-o-o... Excuse me.

Pay no attention to him.

All right. All right. "... moll.

"I smashed down the door.

"Crash! Crash! Bang, bang, bang!

Shh. "Boom! Crick, crack, crick, crack.

- "And the door goes to the floor.

- That's right.

"And I pull out my gun and

I aim at him. Bang! Ouch!

- Bang, ouch! Bang, ouch!"

- If you're shooting him, why are you yelling ouch?

- I'm holding the gun backwards.

- If that's a radio script, I'll take vanilla!

Yes, ma'am. "And the moral

is, 'Crime doesn't pay. "'

And neither did she.

Oh, don't mind her, boys.

I think it's a swell script. Do you really?

Okay.

Excuse me, mister.

You bein' a good radio writer, maybe you

could help Chick and I get into radio.

If you would, we would sure

"depreciate" it. Would you?

Yes. Say, how about a

little sugar for my coffee?

Sugar? How many lumps? Three.

Three.

Turn around. Don't look.

Turn around. Don't look.

Yes, sir. What can I do for

you? Give me an egg sandwich.

An egg sandwich.

One egg sandwich. Eggs.

Hey, Chick!

Throw me a egg!

Hiya, Charlie!

Tickets, please.

Ah, you know me, Charlie.

These are my friends.

Yeah, I know you,

you little chiseler.

Step aside if you

haven't got tickets.

Oh, wait a minute, Charlie...

Step over there, please.

Never mind, girls.

I'll think up an angle.

Here comes one now.

A nice, fat one.

Well, see you later, boys.

Here it is. Murder at Midnight.

Hello, chubby. It was

a nice day until now...

till you come along. Aw,

what's the matter, chubby?

Whoo! You-You always make me do...

Go 'way! You got tickets for the broadcast?

For Murder at Midnight. Oh,

those are for last night.

Oh, no, no. They're for

tonight. Murder at Midnight.

No, last night. Look at 'em!

You mean they're no good tonight?

No. These are for last night?

Yeah.

Hey, Chick,

we can't go last night,

can we? Certainly not.

That's that.

They're no good.

You know, I thought that

Mr. Turner was a regular guy.

- He turns around and he gives us...

- Hey, look.

Here you are, Charlie. Okay,

girls, everything's under control.

Come here. Hey, Chick. Here's a

little kid right over... Chick? Chick.

Aw, keep quiet. You've

made us miss the show.

Not me, him. Three times today

you put it over on me, kid.

What are you doin' it to me

for? You a ruffian or something?

If you was a little bit

smaller, I'd take a punch at you.

Ah, gee, you make me feel like

a heel. Well, you are a heel.

I'll pay you for the

tickets. Oh, you want to pay?

You got any change? Sure, I

got some change right in here.

I'm sorry I made you feel like a heel,

but as long as you want to pay for 'em...

Here, give me two dimes for a

nickel. Two dimes for a nickel.

Right, right, right.

There you are.

Come on, come on! Are you

trying to pull another fast one?

What is this

"two dimes for a nickel"?

Come on!

Anything wrong?

Plenty's wrong! Fifteen

cents just went south.

Okay, here's your nickel.

Give me back my two dimes.

Okay. Don't try to rush

me anymore like that.

Chick. Chick.!

What are you doing?

I don't know, but whatever

I'm doing I'm doing wrong.

That little kid... Oh, don't

blame everything on the kid.

I mean, he's slippin' over a lot

of fast ones. What do you mean?

He just put me... He just... Hmm. What?

Hey, Chick. Here's two

dimes. Give me a nickel.

Well, certainly.

Fast.

A good one, huh?

What are you laughing

at? He did it to me...

Yes?

And you did it to me, too.

Oh, what's wrong with you?

Harry, is that Colonel

Andrews' mike? Yes, it is.

You haven't seen the Colonel,

have you? Don't worry about him.

He'll be here.

Hello. So, you didn't take the train north.

No, I missed it. Sure you

didn't change your mind?

It's not altogether a woman's prerogative,

you know. Anyway, I'm glad you came.

Hey, there's the girl you've

got to make love to. No, Chick.

I'm not gonna make love to her.

She's only got a couple of buck teeth.

What do I care what she paid

for 'em? She don't appeal to me.

Go on, do your stuff,

Romeo. Wait a minute, Chick.

Mervyn's my name,

not Romeo!

To her, it's gotta be Romeo. I

just found out her name is Juliet.

Turn on the charm.

The charm?

Here she comes.

Go ahead.

Hello!

Well, hello. I think the charm is working.

Juliet, I'm gonna be

your Romeo.

My Romeo? Well, I like my

Romeos king-sized, but...

Do you want me

to be yourJuliet?

If you do, I'll give up

every other girl I ever knew.

- I'll give 'em all up for you.

- All right, you can buy me an ice cream soda after the show.

I've got to go now.

Hey!

How did you make out?

More chills and shudders. Oh, thank you.

What are you doing here,

Juliet?

You don't like

murder mystery.

What do you mean, I don't like

murder mysteries? I thrive on 'em.

They give my goose pimples

goose pimples.

Hey, come on. We can

get in this way. Come on.

I didn't know

it was glass there.

Hello, Mr. Turner.

Hi. Hi.

Hello, Mr. Turner.

How are you?

- Is that your girl?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah? Boy, is she pretty! Whoo!

Ooh!

Shh.

Sorry, gentlemen.

Not a very good example to set.

I was detained.

Government business.

Very serious, Jane.

Take that mike, Colonel.

Murder.

Murder at Midnight.

Tonight, we bring you

the thirteenth...

Murder at Midnight.

The forces of evil

stand at the threshold.

The time is short.

Two men

shall die this night.

Two men shall die in this,

"The Steel Chair

Murder Case. "

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