Who Needs Enemies Page #3

You sure you straightened them?

I'm sure.

Maybe it needs two nails.

Yes, maybe.

Let me finish my coffee and I'll

do it for you later, alright?

Thanks babe.

Morning.

Good morning.

...and you're welcome.

The kids want to go to

Uncle Lee's this weekend.

What you playing at?

No more games Ian.

Right what do you want?

I want to know where you

got your entertainment from?

You are joking?

What if I don't?

Then the next envelope

will be mailed to Vicky.

You wouldn't f***ing dare.

Try me, you f***ing nonce!

Get her!

Aah, aah.

Where are they?

I love them.

Better go get Bash.

Shall I get them in then?

No, Bianca can get these in.

Go and get us a couple of Stella's babe?

I'll come with you.

Nice bird, your Bianca.

F***ing things I do to that girl.

I should be nicked!

Anyway I've got a job on.

Yeah, what?

Little job for Ian.

...head arount to some knob-heads house...

...find out where he keeps all his money.

How much?

Fair share.

I think he wants me to send

him a little message too.

F***ing text message,

what did you think?

Nothing too extreme no?

...just a talking to.

Nice finder's fee as well.

Yeah?

Yeah.

How much?

Fifteen points.

Nice.

Just me and you?

You can bring someone else in.

Give them five points.

You know anyone?

Give him a call.

Yeah, it's just there.

Been here before.

Yeah me and Ian picked up a guy

from here, Tom I think his name is.

Yeah, he's got a strip

joint, good laugh he was.

Yeah?

Well he don't pay your wages does he?

This is f***ed up, mate.

What's the matter with you?

What's he done wrong, I

thought him and Ian were mates.

What part of shut the f***

up do you not understand?

Pull up over here.

Just don't feel right.

Stop being a fanny.

Let me speak to him.

Go on you do the talking...

...it's what you're good at.

No, I mean it, don't

f***ing do anything.

Knock yourself out.

Last one on the right.

Alright Tone, what's up?

Hello Tom.

So what did he say?

Nothing.

It's all good.

All he's worried about is that envelope.

Yeah I bet he is.

So it's all good then yeah?

Don't worry about it Tone.

Let's celebrate properly.

I'll get us some sniff.

Best idea you've had all day.

I know who f***ing John is alright!

Yeah, go on then.

You know he's got to go don't you?

To f***ing Disneyland,

where do you think?

Tony... Tony... Tony -

what am I going to do with you ay?

F***ing knew I should

have steered clear of this.

Ian knows doesn't he?

Course he does, I had to tell him.

No you didn't, you didn't

have to f***ing tell him.

Don't try and make me

out to be the c*nt here.

You're the c*nt, not me.

So what now?

So now you help me...

...you want me to take that d*ckhead out?

Tonight.

No mate, I ain't gonna f***ing do it...

Listen shut up.

No, I ain't doing it.

You're doing it

- You ain't got a f***ing choice...

...you've got a second chance here...

I suggest you f***ing take it.

You know what Ian's like.

I can trust you?

You know you can trust me.

I f***ing mean it.

Call Bash...

...tell him to meet us in fifteen...

I'm going to go and get

this little c*nt, alright?

Alright?

Oi Bash, Bash?

Can you come and pick me up please,

can I have a lift please Bash...

...please?

You gonna let me in

the back of your van.

Hello Bash, come and get me

Bash, come and get me Ba... Oi.

You're having a f***ing laugh ain't you?

I sent you a text, you're

supposed to be here.

Yeah, a text...

I can't hear you mate, what?

Who's screaming?

What we supposed to do with him?

What time of the morning?

Yeah alright mate, yeah.

Where's Bash, Tony?

His missus went into labour didn't she?

So we'll be round in the morning.

Why did you text him

- I thought I told you to call him?

I couldn't get hold of

him on the blower could I?

You send the geezer that disposes

of dead bodies, a text message.

...telling him to come

and pick up a dead body?

Did you leave a kiss at the end?

He's never let us down before has he?

Did you leave a smiley

face at the end for him?

At least a smiley face.

Tell you what I'll Google it,

that's what I'll do, I'll Google it...

...how do you dispose of a dead body, yes?

Is that what you want me to do?

What about the police, tell you

what we'll call the old bill, they.

...know how to dispose of a body.

Look, enough!

What are we going to do?

I can't, the missus is using

the motor in the morning.

We'll have to stick him in your shed.

He ain't a f***ing lawnmower is he?

I didn't suggest you mow the

f***ing lawn with him did I?

I said we'd stick him in your shed.

What if Cat finds him?

She won't -

...she's way out of your league anyway.

Get in the car I'm freezing.

Come on.

Tone?

Alright Chris, who is that?

He's just a workmate, he's loaded,

I'm going to stick him in the.

...shed, go back to bed babe

I'll be up in a minute.

What do you mean stick him in the shed?

He ain't a tool is

he, he's a human being.

Yeah, he's not a f***ing lawnmower mate.

Yeah, sorry Chris, I don't

know what he's thinking.

I've given up trying to

work this one out, Cat.

Tony, you're not sticking him in

the shed, okay, that is ridiculous...

why don't you stick him on the

sofa and I'll make some coffee...

Tone please put him down, okay,

I'll get a blanket and then stick.

...the kettle on.

Nice.

What you playing at, mate?

What- You telling her you're

going to stick him in the f***ing.

...shed, that don't sound suspect no?

Stop f***ing around, it ain't a joke.

You are f***ing around,

I know what you're doing.

What am I doing?

Look stop will you.

Stop what?

Mate?

Mate what?

Stop being a prick.

Here, give them here.

Give me the f***ing blanket will you?

Why can't you just stay in bed, huh?

Can everyone get the f*** out

and let the man rest in peace.

Arsehole.

Rest in peace?

And I'm f***ing around?

I'm going toilet, keep her

in the kitchen will you?

Oi...

...take a little chill

pill while you're there.

Calm down, chill out.

What was that?

Shut up.

Twat.

He hates me.

He doesn't hate you?

Ha ha, he does.

What's he hiding ay?

He's not hiding nothing babe.

I don't think so, it's

like he despises me lately.

He doesn't.

I don't know Chris...

...it's like I don't know him anymore.

He loves you, you know that.

What is your problem?

You've always got to see everything.

Why, what you hiding?

Look I didn't want him in the house.

Fine, okay stick him in the shed

because you know what, I really.

...don't give a f*** anymore!

F***.

Look can you just stay out of

it please and leave it to me.

Stay out of what Tony?

I just don't like this, I don't

know what is going on, will someone.

...tell me, Chris, what is going on?

Don't ask me.

There's nothing going on babe...

...trust me...

...alright?

That is disgusting.

Involuntary gastric relief -

...that's what it is!

Don't help does it?

Let me see your eyes, have

you been on the gear again?

You're lying to me, you're

gurning your face off Tony.

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